To be gutted DM chose boyfriend over me?

[furryous]

I've moved out and there is a massive history of gaslighting. Her bf is pervy and has felt me up twice in the 6mths they've known eachother, I've told her and she's denied it even though it was right in front of her. Now she's telling me that he's spending xmas with us and she 'already told me'. I will not spend xmas with this perv so I'm facing spending it alone. The reason I moved out was my DB moved back in and she was giving me shit for everything yet letting him get away with everything. For clarity she owes me 10k+. I tried to support her and feel like she's just thrown it back in my face. Sorry if this makes no sense I'm writing it in tears

The Sarah Millican hashtag is #joinin for anyone alone or lonely at Christmas. She's doing it again this year.

Before too much time passes, send your horrible mother a text asking when she can start paying back the £10000 she owes you. If there's any confimation from her that she owes you the money, then hopefully that will be enough evidence if you take her to small claims. You'll not get it all, but at least some.

Do some searching online for cafes that are doing Xmas dinner for those by themselves. A lot of cafes here, NI, do free Xmas dinners for the alone.

Don't worry, tell only be a matter of time for her to see him for the arsehole that he is. He'll make a pass at one if your brother's girlfriends or female friends and then all hell will break lose. I'm thinking the bastard will try to get your brother out next. Though I would still live separately from her, op, as she has been so unbelievably horrible. Wait until she have financial difficulties again, then she'll be crawling around you. Don't give it, as she's just going to revert to type when she gets a new arsehole.

try not to see it as something you've lost in the day hun.make it like every other apart from a bit more special.but it can be special just by treating yourself kindly,carefully and luxuriously.
don't focus on the I'm alone onf this big day.just you have a time to yourself for a day to do as you please.there are other big days in the year.birthdays.easters.queens birthday.marriages and you I'm sure haven't been around loads of people.but nor have you missed out.try and see it as just like that.and choose how you want to be on the day.get out ur radio times and bring ur duvet down.it can be just as llovely a day.
your not alone either.there are lots and lots more people I'm hearing that are feeling it this year and being alone.and its horrible. you've got people on here thinking of you.dont think of it as a day to get through but a day to make ur own.
feeling left by your mum and hard done by by the current situation will only be fueling that sense of loneliness so try and let it go If you can.you aren't in the wrong.so don't let them take more of your happiness by thinking of them on this day.theyve fukd up not you.
are there any local restuarent or pubs near you.some open on the day.
do you like to cook.or could you order in a meal.gusto or something.or get in a pizza. set the day up to just be really lovely for yourself.
I gaurentee it will go by really quickly anyway and youll get to the night time thinking how little you did of what u planned!

Darling you spend the day on your own and spoil yourself. Don't let society's expectations make you feel lonely. Christmas day is utterly miserable for millions of people and yet the usual claptrap is churned out every year. In reality it's more about advertising and forcing people into debt over a myth.

You stay on your own and congratulate yourself for being a wonderful courageous young woman. I will message you on Christmas Day!

Your mother is a disgrace and deep down she knows he did it. She can live in denial but it will hurt her morst in the long run.

Take legal advice on recouping the money she owes you.

Don't feel lonely, you are a great person. You will be a lovely mum (if you want to be) and will be a great example of a loving,caring and principled person.

Oh, and btw - isn't "feeling you up" really known as sexual assault?
He is a disgrace and your mum is an old fool

Your'e all amazing and have made me feel so much better. This year she's taken everything off me and then made me feel worthless. She's put DB and her partner over me. Yet I've paid her debts off and stayed living at home to support her. And now I'm sitting here on my own having been cast out and it hurts like hell. I'll get over it but it's nice to have the vipers around

If you're anywhere near SW London, you could have a lovey lunch here!

There are some cheap bus holidays (National Holidays ) over xmas. Might be worth a look.

If you are in NI you can pop over to mine x

Are you the same OP who was under pressure to pay off your brother's debts. Again. And your mum old you to move out because you refused?

I would cut contact with the lot of them. If you went round, they would probably expect you to pay for dinner. As it is, you don't even have to buy them presents. They are horrible people. You don't have to have them in your life. Really.

'told' you to move out...

furryous yeah we're your little snakes

How about telling the police about what he did to you?

I think in your position I might Facebook asking for suggestions of things to do on Christmas Day as you’re at a loose end. Maybe even ask for a film recommendation if you don’t want it to look like you’re asking for an invitation.

Ask for the money back in writing.

Take steps to get your money back asap, then cut your mother and brother out of your life completely. If your mother's boyfriend has assaulted you, report him to the police.

As for Christmas, it's one day. See if any of your friends are at a loose end, you might be surprised.

Make plans for NEXT Christmas, book a sunshine holiday or something. Forget your awful family.

The Sarah Millican hashtag is #joinin for anyone alone or lonely at Christmas.

That's the one! Thanks Butterymuffin, couldn't remember what it was.

Op I'm sorry to hear this. When I was a young adult, my mum's partner got drunk and threatened me. I really thought she'd end the relationship. She didn't. After that, I never stayed another night in her house and never spent Xmas with her.

Good advice from AnchorDownDeepBreath.

I fifth/six whatever the social media call out. We've often had a friend over for Christmas who has no family in this country. When she cannot come to us (she is in demand from other friends) like this year, I felt so sad she came for an early Christmas!

It is one day, make sure you get some nice food in and have a relaxing day. Then plan your future and what you want.

Of course you can stay in your home, regardless of what your landlady thinks, it is your home.

Your boyfriend being abroad without you, is it a serious relationship? If not, I'd get out there and make some new friends and see what the future holds.

Please take steps to get your money back from your mother.

I think the situation is serious enough to go no contact but some people prefer low contact, which means you will hear about major life developments etc.

I am so sorry your mum and brother are such shits. Can I just say as you get older you do make your own family, you find friends who mean as much to you as family, you'll maybe meet someone, 'settle down', have a family, whether you do this or not will be up to you.

Family can't dictate who you spend time with and what happens in your life once you are an adult.

Plus, your mum is a fool. She has picked an old lech over her own child. She does not deserve you. Get your money back and don't look back. I have a daughter, I would never pick a man over her.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslighting

TestingTestingWonTooFree " Maybe even ask for a film recommendation if you don’t want it to look like you’re asking for an invitation."

What a great idea, you could ask for a film recommendation or even good meal for one receipies. Just say your Christmas plans have fallen through. I think you will get more than one invitation.

Can you not go abroad with your boyfriend? What does he think about all this?

I spend Christmas alone on purpose but that's because I am not a fan of it. I sleep aaaaalllll day, pig out on nice foods and then spend any awake time gaming or binge watching stuff unrelated to christmarse.

I'm sorry you've been treated so badly. You should absolutely file a small claim against your mother for the money. The way her partner has been treating you is sexual assault, and if you wanted to take that further, then you could.

My mum constantly picked men over us. All the time. When my stepdad beat the crap out of me when I was 12 or 13, he was back home within 24 hours. When her boyfriend beat up my brother when he was 17, my mum threw my brother out and didn't see him for years.

Years later, she had married that boyfriend and he was regularly abusing her. After one particularly horrific incident she ended up at my place saying it was over. They were due to go on a long holiday the next week which due to his actions that night he now couldn't go on. During that week she stayed at my flat, my DH and I went out of our way to help her and she was doing really well. She literally begged me to go on the holiday with her and I dropped everything, cancelled work for the weeks I would be away etc. Within two days of being on the trip she was on the phone saying she loved him. Several days after that, I overheard her - they were making plans to fly him out and fly me home. Her phone was full f awful messages from him saying I was only telling her to leave because I wanted a free holiday (what a joke).

After I flew home early I vowed I was done with her. We had screaming rows that took me right back to my teenage years and the pain I felt being constantly rejected by her.

Unfortunately two months after this she was diagnosed with cancer. I let it all go and spent the next 18 month supporting her and being with her until she passed away. Her husband had already found someone else before she died and is now living the high life mortgage free in her flat, on her pension and with income from her rental property. Not bad for 7 years of abuse, eh?

Sorry, went off on a tangent there! I know what this is like and it hurts so badly. I spent a couple of christmases alone when I was 20/21 as she was off with whichever bf was around at the time.

I'm sure someone who knows you would welcome you for Christmas- I would!

re boyfriend: we've only been dating a couple of months! he's awesome but does have to go abroad this year! I'm trying not to tell him too much in case he feels guilty

social media I'm not so big on, so I don't think fb etc would work.

I am literally sitting here thinking it must be something wrong with me. all of my family have cut me out and hate me.

TammySwansonTwo you've brought back a lot of memories of the last year or so. I'm so sorry you went through so much

Please don't think it's you, it's not, it's them.

You sound like a lovely person and deserve a better family. Unfortunately, they're not very nice, but it's nothing that you've done that's caused it. It's who they are.

Learn to love yourself and be kind to yourself.

Channel your anger into something positive and stop vying for the attentions of the disinterested and plan that next Christmas won’t be tainted by these appalling individuals.

As for your Mum, be prepared for her to be all over you like a bad rash when she realises she’s run the gravy train dry. Detach, detach, detach.