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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to play along and become as petty?

58 replies

Filzma · 17/12/2017 04:00

AIBU to be fed up and 'done' with aunt or just play along and keep her guessing? This might be long, sorry. I'll start by explaining the character she is and mine. I'm like my privacy, don't bother with other people's business as my own weighs me enough and I don't think I'm petty. OTOH my aunt is the exact opposite to DM and myself. 1. Nosy 2. Cannot for the life of her keep a secret 3. Tells anyone that will listen personal things about you and v.v 4. Confrontational and petty 5. Very very kind and giving 6. Sensitive.

So when I was expecting DD1 literally the day I got a bfp, she called to let me know my uncle ( who had told her in confidence!!) was cautiously excited as his wife 3weeks along. They didn't want people to know as she had previously mc'd. Fast forward a month later, sadly she did mc. Turns out literally everyone including my in laws ( completely not related to the family) found out she was expecting and got deeply hurt that my uncle had put it out there. (Sadly 6months later divorced btw). I decided after the call then I wasn't going to tell her till I was 6 months. She found out from my in laws I was expecting literally the week before I was to call her.
This year we met in March and I was ill as I have a chronic illness. We had a row and suddenly in the heat of moment she accused DM and me of hiding my illness, pregnancy etc etc. I was hurt by some snide comments she'd made just to bait me to find out more about my condition. We had a row. Anyway she called me sometime in August and in passing asked if I was going back to finishing studies. I said no, didn't give a reason. She said oh that's good just use this time to rest. Deep down I know she suspected I was pregnant.

Since October, she's been trying to call my in laws and friends to find out. She couldn't take it a week ago, begun small talk with a wedding she attended- couple are expecting, girl she knows is ttc another baby as gap is widening...you get the drift. At the end of convo, clearly exasperated she says she has a friend where I live( highly unlikely as she only comes to me in this city) and will come by to see me. I said yeah no problem let me know when. She had her son call me (on speaker) 2 days later to say they'd be coming for 2weeks. I said no problem. He insists it's for 2 weeks I say yeah heard you the 1st time and that's fine.
I called today to say let me know exactly when you're coming because DH and I would like to arrange for a 3day visit to his nieces before or after their visit. Told my cousin as her phone was off. She calls back this evening and says oh I'm coming stay with my friend as she's due any time. Don't worry just go about your business. I say I thought cuz said you'll be staying at my place 2 weeks. She say no, the lady has a spare room and is heavily pregnant. I say ok then let me know if you come to town. Says ok. End.
Is this too much? Forgot to add, she's known to make up stuff and for fibbing too.
How do I deal with such level of pettiness and WIBU to let her know after DC2 is born (planning to ttc soon 😉😁)? I'm irritated why is she like this? Am I just overly private for not wanting to be discussed or my life around town?

OP posts:
TheSnowFairy · 17/12/2017 09:54

Tell her. Or don't tell her

NetRunner · 17/12/2017 10:05

Wow. Some serious snobby meanness here. "Get thee to Nethuns, they might understand you there." So rude. Some people here really have a superiority complex and get a kick out of using it to make others feel like shit. You're not better than someone else just because you've got a better grasp of English or a greater ability to write coherently. We're not all the same and nobody has the right to tell someone else to go somewhere else because their post is hard to understand. FFS.

VladmirsPoutine · 17/12/2017 10:09

Just live your life and let go of the angst. Don't be petty. Just live your best life.

pigeondujour · 17/12/2017 10:12

I feel like you're rather overestimating people's interest in subsequent children, particularly hypothetical ones. Even gossips will only get a few minutes mileage out of that.

LoniceraJaponica · 17/12/2017 10:15

NetRunner I agree in the main with you, but I admit that I had difficulty understanding everything. I thought at first she was already pregnant then had to go back and reread to see that she was TTCing. The post is a bit rambling.

NetRunner · 17/12/2017 10:21

Totally agree that OP is very difficult to understand - I didn't. My issue is with the way some people choose to address that. Just so rude.

SparklyMagpie · 17/12/2017 10:23

Wait I'm confused too

So are you not actually pregnant?? Or are you 6 months ?! Confused

MistressPage · 17/12/2017 10:34

OP it sounds like you're focusing an awful lot of energy on pettiness and spite. That's not going to be good for you. Stop worrying about silly mind games with relatives and look after yourself. Maybe your Aunt is just excited and interested. You seem like hard work. You have such an exciting time ahead of you, why not focus your energies on that?

Originalfoogirl · 17/12/2017 10:40

You sound petty but I don't really understand what you're going on about. Sounds super childish whatever it's about.

Exactly. It makes no sense whatsoever and sounds as if it was written by a 12 year old.

elessar · 17/12/2017 10:57

I think it's funny that you don't think you're petty - your actions in this whole scenario are completely petty!

Why don't you just have an honest conversation with your aunt, you know, like grown adults might do?

Filzma · 17/12/2017 10:58

Thanks all for your input. Including those that ask me to work on being brief and to the point. 😁
English definitely isn't my first language. It's my 3rd.
As for level of pettiness, I'm probably at a 9.5. Grew up in a house full of girls. Yeah I'm probably just going to ignore her.
Some of you were really kind in delivery, others not so much. Felt like I was in high school for a moment but I guess I deserve it for posting high school drama. 😁
Thanks all. Got my answer.

OP posts:
Iooselipssinkships · 17/12/2017 11:07

Speaks 3 languages. Should she go to Netmums now or does she have the MN approval?
Not cool.

Filzma · 17/12/2017 11:11

Looselips 😂😂 I'll see myself out then ... or maybe wait on a couple more replies?😁😁

OP posts:
lucylouuu · 17/12/2017 11:13

so are you pregnant or not?

Filzma · 17/12/2017 11:14

No I'm not but planning to ttc soon. Lol I didn't think it was that bad.☺️🤦‍♀️

OP posts:
EmilyChambers79 · 17/12/2017 11:15

English definitely isn't my first language. It's my 3rd

I hope you don't think I was being offensive by saying this? It's easy to see sometimes where English isn't the first language and often posts don't "read" properly.

What other languages do you speak?

Balaboosteh · 17/12/2017 11:15

Just live your life. For someone who says you don’t deal in other people’s business you’re very invested in this situation. Take a deep breath and step back, mentally.

Username12345 · 17/12/2017 11:16

Mummyoflittledragon I'd rather OP stay and see you leave love.

Balaboosteh · 17/12/2017 11:16

I mean with your ttc.

SparklyMagpie · 17/12/2017 11:16

All this drama and you're not

SparklyMagpie · 17/12/2017 11:17

Apologies hit post by accident

You're not even pregnant, so what actually is the point in this??

RJnomore1 · 17/12/2017 11:18

I don't understand much of this TBH but the aunt sounds like a stirrer from what I can make out!

Filzma · 17/12/2017 11:19

No not at all Emily. In fact, it gives me hope that I nearly passed for one. Dutch French and English.

OP posts:
Filzma · 17/12/2017 11:22

Fine fine. 😒This is now bordering on brutal, I get it - Drama filled, incoherent, wait what so you're not pregnant? Uh bye Felicia 😂 I think I get it .

OP posts:
catiinbo0ts · 17/12/2017 11:27

Why were your In-Laws 'deeply hurt' because your uncle didn't tell them his wife was a month pregnant? Confused

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