Please help re advice Partner......

[JasmineB89]

I hate to write this, but I have no one, and I mean not one person - no family, friends, neighbours. So please try not to be too harsh.
I have mental health issues which have been there since I was 9 years old Upbring horrific and subsequent events made me a nervous wreck by age of 12 years old. I had my only child, his father disappeared out of his life and never saw our my child since - in over 27 years. I alway worked. Mental health ground me down and I had a huge breakdown a few years ago which left me very ill and now agoraphobic. Unable to work and I hate that. I live in a rural area. Very isolated. I have no transport I do not have a life like many others. I wake, spend time with dogs, go to sleep. I cannot watch television or read as meds I am make me unable to concentrate. I love my isolated life mostly as mental health makes me useless around people and noise.
Partner always at work - works nights 6 nights a week. See him for less than 2 hours a day in person.
Met partner before breakdown. Moved in with him whilst I was ill. First few years everything good. Found out from online pics on his laptop, when he let me use his laptop whilst mine was broke, that he had been sleeping with swingers. The pics were very graphic.

Partner admitted he had arranged online to meet a married couple. He said we were going through a rough time. I never noticed it. Maybe we were. I was devastated. Mental health became worse. Had no one to talk to. I could not afford to move out. I approached my then mental health team who told me to 'forget' what partner had done, and to concentrate on getting better. I did that, but will never be able to 'forget'
Cuts to mental health services mean I have no input from them and have not done for a long time.
I cannot afford to get anywhere to live. I have my pets, who I live for. If I took up an eventual offer possibly of a social housing flat, my dogs, would not be allowed. I can get outdoors with my dogs.
Partner used to pay for a lot, *he earns a lot of money) as I could not work, but I received benefit, and I would contribute. I do not eat much, so food shopping was mainly his and the pets.
He has now asked for half of my monthly amount which is £400. I have to now buy my own food and essentials. I will be left with £25 a week if I spend £25 only a week for myself.
I keep thinking - please tell me if you think I am being selfish - that as he earns so much money, am I wrong to think that I should be left with so little money after I have paid my benefit to him and bought food shopping for myself?
I thought relationships were about fairly sharing, We have been together for many years. Separate bank accounts.
I don't feel much for my partner - not since he cheated, but if I leave I will be homeless. SHELTER confirmed this. I have to be homeless and go to council and ask for help and as I have no young children then I could be homeless and accomodation not guaranteed. I appreciate this. Being outdoors alone will kill me with agoraphobia just alone
I do not want harsh criticism but just any ideas on what another person may do. I want and try every single day to improve my life, but where do I truly start.
Has anyone ever been in a situation like this?
Thank you for reading if you have not fell asleep through boredom !

I went onto the www.entitled.co.uk website and calculated how much you would receive in benefits for someone just receiving higher rate ESA. I used my local area as a postcode where housing benefit covers the rent for a one bedroom flat in a reasonable area of town. These are very rough figures but including housing benefit and council tax support you would be entitled to if living where I do £1036 a month. You would also get council tax support and would only have to pay around £3 a week council tax. You can go onto the website and put your own calculations in using your postcode.

As you have mental health problems, you could apply for Personal Independence Payment too. It is not easy to get but you may be assessed as being entitled to some help depending on how your mental health affects you. You don't need to be actually getting the help to be awarded it. This would then mean a bit more money each week. For example standard care component is around £55 a week and not means tested.

Some private landlords are more likely to agree to letting their property out to someone getting housing benefit if someone would be a guarantor for you. Would your son possibly agree to that? Some landlords I believe due to their type of mortgage are unable to let to those in receipt of benefits.

If I were you, I would first look into applying for PIP to see if you are entitled to some more income. There are ways to move out and live independently as you are ill. If you have some money upfront to pay for a month's deposit and rent on a one bedroom flat this would really help in you renting privately if a council property has a long wait, although I think if you are ill you get put higher up the list. It's not an area I know much about. Good luck.

Hope you are ok op. Lots good advice here

It seems very harsh that all your son can say is that it causes him anxiety if he hears of your worries, that's the worst get out I ever heard. Could you ask him for help and sod HIS. anxiety

Ps also as others have said in this thread, if you are not in a relationship you could apply for housing benefit for a room in his house. In the long run I think you will be better moving out but this could be a thing to do for now.

Also you can immediately apply for PIP. You could consider making an appointment with CAB to help you with filling out the form if you could manage that interaction. Also many good online groups with advice on how to meet the descriptors in the form according to your mental health needs. The website benefitsandwork do very good guidelines for filling out PIP for thsoe with either physical or mental health problems. It costs about £18 to join their site.

It seems very harsh that all your son can say is that it causes him anxiety if he hears of your worries, that's the worst get out I ever heard. Could you ask him for help and sod HIS. anxiety

Really? Could you spare a minute to think about what that young mans life may have been like, and what a major impact on his life it could be to offer the kind of support OP would need?

*Women's shelter until you get the council flat

Sorry but that isn't a reasonable suggestion. Refuges/shelters all over the country are being defunded, women with children actively fleeing serious violence cannot get into them.
It's not an option for OP.

@bluemosquito, the support group ESA rate is £109.65 per week. If a person lives alone and has savings under £6000 they will get top ups. If their partner is also not earning anything or on very low wage both claimants will get top ups. I expect as the OP's live in partner works currently the OP is only entitled to the £109.65 per week.

Also currently if you receive PIP care and live alone you get a severe disability premium of about £60 a week on top of the ESA. Universal credit has abolished this. Very little in press about this huge cut.

Thank you all for your help and support. I am shocked by it.
Some of your posts I agree with and others I don't but...
There is no answer. I will live here with my partner and wait until I die.
I love my animals, and they keep me going.
When the last of them has passed, then I will too.
I am 51, so too old to start again, even if I could. My mental health dictates to me, how I am going to be each day. The non mental health me would know exactly what to do and how to achieve it, but the current me, realises that I do not have a choice.
I do not want benefits, or a nasty council flat. I lived in one for a while when my son was a baby. It was not good. I know that type of life.
I don't want PIP. I don't need help to assist me with anything. PIP is for people who have disabilities. I hate claiming as it is.
I love the freedom of being in the countryside, where I live, when out with my dogs. I could not be cooped up in a horrid council flat with druggies and drinkers in other flats, in an area that is crowded.
There is no answer, but thank you for your suggestions.
I wish you all a Happy New Year and 2018. I will shortly ask for my post to be deleted.

Just to add, I meant shocked by the amount of replies, in a good way.
I can claim, £107 a week. I live with my partner who works. It is based on my contributions when I worked.
PIP I cannot claim for nor do I want to. Too many people are taking advantage of that benefit. It is for people who need help with personal tasks such as washing and other things. I don't need help with any of that.
I cannot go to a women's aid shelter as there is no abuse towards me. I am just tired of it all, but will pass my time in this situation until it is my time.
Take care all x

When does your contributions based esa run out? If you are still technically a couple, will you qualify for esa still? Can you separate and be housemates? I dont.think its that unreasonable for him to ask for money as it sounds like you both see the relationship as over, but you need to talk openly about all this