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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To rather spend time alone than with friends?

40 replies

Bringbeboback · 16/12/2017 11:53

I’m the type of person who never gets bored even if I spend days on end by myself. I have hobbies and interests that keep me busy, and enjoy just chilling out alone in the evenings and watching films etc.
I have an OH who I don’t live with and we see each other 4 evenings per week. I also see family once a fortnight and maybe the occasional cinema outing or meal out with a friend once a month.
I told someone at work recently that I live like this and she was shocked and said she’d be driven mad with boredom and she likes to socialise as much as humanly possible every week.
AIBU to not care about having lots of friends?

OP posts:

lurkingnotlurking · 16/12/2017 11:54

Introvert V extrovert. I'm Club Introvert too

scurryfunge · 16/12/2017 11:57

Nothing wrong in being happy with your own company. You socialise more than I do

HappyLabrador · 16/12/2017 11:57

I’m an introvert too. Sounds blissful to me. Yanbu

shebagthehag · 16/12/2017 11:57

I’m the same. I encourage my dh to go out so I can get some peace and quiet.

I’m already wondering if I can cancel on tonight’s planned meal with friends, I love them but I’d prefer to stay in and read.

I do care about having friends but the older I get the more I appreciate doing my own thing

Nowt wrong with it

ShirleyPhallus · 16/12/2017 11:58

I think there’s sometimes a bit of a competitive thing on MN of people not caring about having lots of friends and I think that’s sometimes a bit sad, as it would be pretty lonely if you and your DP split up

I do have a number of friends across a load of different groups and that’s amazing to have but equally I love spending time by myself. Just would feel a bit sad to not even have the option.

Original poster

Bringbeboback · 16/12/2017 11:59

My dream would be to live in a cosy cottage by the sea with lots of pets and just spend my days reading, going for walks, cooking and watching films. I’d allow a visitor once or twice a week and that would be it haha

OP posts:

lurkingnotlurking · 16/12/2017 12:01

Do you have children, Op? If not, enjoy your Introvert time. You'll have to get used to having less of it if you have children (after the baby stage)

Original poster

Bringbeboback · 16/12/2017 12:01

@Shirley I was single for 2 years before my OH and was perfectly happy. I do have friends but we just choose to meet up very occasionally. They are all similar to me and prefer to do things alone sometimes

OP posts:

Mupflup · 16/12/2017 12:07

I was thinking about this last night OP (on the sofa on my own eating cheese with the dog). I too have friends that I like to spend time with but the older I get the more insular I become. This year I will go to precisely zero Christmas parties / drinks (went on team lunch but left earlyish) and I'm actually quite happy with that although I know other people find it weird. I'm no longer a fan of getting drunk, I hate packed / loud places, all my friends have small children so quite often I struggle to join in the conversation, I live out of town when everyone else lives near each other...a million different reasons being at home pottering round by myself if DH isn't here is more enjoyable.

I do worry a bit though what would happen if I end up on my own without DH for some reason, and aside from that I should make more effort to see people...i just can't be arsed!

MadForlt · 16/12/2017 12:07

Sorry to be blunt, but that's crap Shirley. I live alone, have no partner. I have few friends that I spend time with.

Its not sad or lonely at all! I live alone for the first time ever and I love it. I work with people and that's enough for me, most of the time. I was at a Christmas get together with 7 others earlier this week, and by the end of it was so sick of me, because I had to chat for two hours. When I'm home alone doing my own thing, I'm 100% content. I do have friends that I see, but usually one on one rather than groups as I don't enjoy the whole group dynamic at all.

I'd hazard that you are an extrovert and so your speak your own truth, and that's great. Just don't make the mistake of assuming that how you feel would match the feelings of others.

Original poster

Bringbeboback · 16/12/2017 12:13

I used to be a massive party animal when I was at uni. I’d go out clubbing 3 times a week, spent my summers in Ibiza and was basically drunk 24/7 for 4 years.
It’s my idea of hell now and I’m pretty much teetotal now. I also love going to the cinema alone which some people find weird. I think they assume I’m lonely, depressed and unhappy. Quite the opposite - I’m very content.
If other people like to have lots of friendships then I don’t judge them at all though. We’re all different

OP posts:

ShirleyPhallus · 16/12/2017 12:15

madforit yes that’s my OPINION, no need for you to be so rude in disagreeing!

BigbreastsBiggerbeard · 16/12/2017 12:17

I bloody love being alone. I can be with people for short periods of time but then I want to go home alone and recover. Sometimes if I've been with someone too long I get antsy and restless and just want to escape (this is no reflection on them).

Never get bored on my own.

BigbreastsBiggerbeard · 16/12/2017 12:19

Shirley - I agree, it's nice to have the option though!

BigbreastsBiggerbeard · 16/12/2017 12:20

The option of spending times with friends, I mean, not the option of agreeing...oh dear.... need to get out more

ZaZathecat · 16/12/2017 12:20

It's all relative op, many lonely posters on MN would see your life as completely buzzing.

Nikephorus · 16/12/2017 12:22

I much prefer being alone. OP's life is way too hectic for me I'm looking forward to Boxing Day afternoon when I can shut the door and settle down for several days of reading, watching dvds and snuggling with DDog. Just a bit of contact with people is often too much for me. I just don't need it.

Runningwithscissors12 · 16/12/2017 12:26

Potayto potarto. Who cares? As long as each person is happy. No idea why the person you were telling had to comment so negatively @Bringbeboback .... I think some people need to justify what they do by questioning what others do.

PrincessoftheSea · 16/12/2017 12:27

I prefer a happy medium. I have a DH and children and work fulltime, but I also set aside one night a week to see friends. I don't think of myself as an extrovert but friendships are important to me.

You say you work so you get social interaction with colleagues. I have seen people who only socialise at work and that's enough, but they then lose their job or retire and get lonely as suddenly they have no friends.

Dustysparrow · 16/12/2017 12:54

I am an introvert too. My Dh is a total social butterfly and doesn't fully get it I don't think. I do love spending time with my close friends and family, but I need lots of alone time too or I go nuts. My idea of hell would be a party or wedding full of strangers making small talk. Often I stress out at the prospect of social events that I'm obliged (but don't want) to attend, however I sometimes find I enjoy it when I get there. I am self employed freelancing from home and I find it really suits me, though I know it would drive my dh insane. I get out to do the school run, chat to the nicest mums and dads for 10 mins at pick up and that is truly enough interaction for me, other than dh and dd. I fear that when dd goes to secondary and this brief mingling at the school gates no longer happens I may turn into a hermit. I am socially anxious too, so that is part of it.

Blackteadrinker77 · 16/12/2017 13:02

We get one life and we can live it however we like.

It's not like you are hurting any one. Tell her to mind her own business.

MadForlt · 17/12/2017 00:24

Shirley, you think it's OK to make an assumption that someone elses life would be sad, but think I'm rude to disagree because of my actual real life experience? Okay then..

ShirleyPhallus · 17/12/2017 10:02

No, I don’t think you’re rude for disagreeing at all. I think you’re rude for telling me my opinion is crap.

MadForlt · 17/12/2017 13:34

Oh sorry, it sounded like you were saying that I was being rude for disagreeing.

madforit yes that’s my OPINION, no need for you to be so rude in disagreeing!

I wasn't saying that your opinion was crap. It was the assumption that it would be lonely that I was saying was crap. I was making the point that, while I understand that for some it would be lonely, for others it absolutely wouldn't be. Had you said 'I would find it lonely' - fine.

I totally get that you would find it lonely, and fully respect that. You've got a balance that suits you, and that's great. That balance wouldn't be right for everyone.

Nyx1 · 17/12/2017 13:41

I love my friends but I'm an introvert

the difficulty is, none of my friends are introverts, so when we meet up they often want to do busy things in Central London. I would much rather we visited each other and didn't do an activity.

my parents have expressed concern about this, they are very extrovert. The only thing I worry about is I don't want friends to feel unwanted just because I don't like doing "stuff". hope that makes sense.

but I think it's completely fine for you live how you want btw. Society seems to have labelled introversion as weirdness. It's very annoying.

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