Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

DH pissed off that I won't drink and drive

74 replies

Sanshin · 16/12/2017 00:30

I posted yesterday saying I'd agreed to pick DH up from works night out but changed my mind. General consensus was that I was BU but a few said "just ask if he minds".

So I asked him "do you definately want picking up as I'm going to get a bottle of wine otherwise". (He has form for arranging a pick up and then not getting in touch and making his own way home). He said "don't worry about it, I'll get a taxi". He even admitted that he wouldn't want to pick me up if tables were turned.
Map he books a taxi for 11pm no problem. I sit down with bottle of wine and a film.

Midnight he texts asking me to pick him up otherwise he has to walk (well over an hours walk). Clearly missed the taxi. I explained that I've drank half a bottle of wine and he says "you'll be ok if you're careful"!!!! Now he's in a mood because I've refused to do it.

Clearly I'm nit being unreasonable? Half a bottle of red is way over the limit right?

OP posts:

Ceto · 16/12/2017 08:50

It's pretty odd to text at midnight asking for a lift anyway. If my DH tried that, I wouldn't see the text for hours.

Increasinglymiddleaged · 16/12/2017 08:53

Well no ceto I'd probably pick it up around 7am

JustAnIdiot · 16/12/2017 08:55

I can just see that if you'd remained sober, he would then have turned up in a taxi.

He sounds unpleasant.

Original poster

Sanshin · 16/12/2017 09:02

Thanks for the replies, I'm fine - when I said in for it I meant just the usual verbal abuse I get when he's had a drink. Used to be so much worse when I involved myself in it but these days I just tell him to speak to me when he's sober and leave him to it.

Anyway I'm still in bed, don't know if he came home as he's not in bed so I'm assuming I'm going to find him asleep on the sofa or on the bathroom floor like last time.

And I didn't "need" to have a drink last night, I chose to. It was the night of my works Christmas night out which I'd decided against going to for a start and secondly, why on Earth is it weird to have 2 glasses of wine on a Saturday night??? Don't most people do that?!

And I'm sorry but no, I won't sit on the edge of my seat ready to jump into action if DH cocks his plans up by missing his taxi. He's an adult ffs. Even my 18 year old son doesn't expect a lift home if he goes out getting wrecked.

OP posts:

ptumbi · 16/12/2017 09:04

Why the OP hate? She had a few glasses of wine, which meant that she (a grown-up!) couldn't look after her (grown-up) partner?

Mean Mummy OP!

Fancy putting your own wants and desires for a glass or two on a friday night to the front. Poor DH! No-one to look after him.

Not surprised he's going to be angry when he gets in! And you not drinking and driving - are you daft? Don't you know that DH comes first, and your driving licence a long way behind?

^sarcszm, btw.

lovelycuppateas · 16/12/2017 09:06

Giving someone a lift is a favour, so of course ywnbu to have a drink. Hope you enjoyed it. He should be able to get himself home without relying on you, especially as you'd already organised getting a taxi. Drink-driving could have lost you your license, and much worse. You're completely in the right, but I hope this behaviour isn't normal for your dp because it doesn't sound great.

Crumbs1 · 16/12/2017 09:10

Actually you’re being more than reasonable. Either he asks in advance, you agree and you keep to the arrangement or he sorts some other way of getting home. You shouldn’t have to forego your glass of wine in case he can’t get a taxi. An hours walk for a healthy young man will sober him up nicely so he maybe isn’t quite so verbally aggressive.

TheNaze73 · 16/12/2017 09:19

I think it’s a communication problem.

JustAnIdiot · 16/12/2017 09:19

"the usual verbal abuse"

verbal abuse ought not to be "usual"

SpartonDregs · 16/12/2017 09:26

I thought there was good public transport where you are?

Anyway glad you didn't capitulate. Perhaps from now on he needs to make his own arrangements in the regard of getting home after a night drinking.

specialsubject · 16/12/2017 09:30

New years resolution, op - kick him out. There's no 'just' about verbal abuse. And being drunk is not an excuse.

Let him freeze on the street. Do the world a favour. And yourself in particular.

ptumbi · 16/12/2017 09:31

TheNaze - a communication problem? Yes, maybe he didnt understand when OP said 'do you want me to collect you? If not I will have a glass of wine'
And didn't understand himself when he ordered his own taxi, then missed it.

And this is still somehow OPs fault?

TDHManchester · 16/12/2017 09:31

YANBU. The police have highly trained instincts at spotting criminals and drunk drivers. They just know. If you had got nicked YOU would be in court,. YOU would be banned and YOU would have a big fat fine,a driving ban,higher insurance and maybe a mention in the local paper if its a quiet news day. Tell him to FO.

AdalindSchade · 16/12/2017 09:51

@TheNaze emotional and verbal abuse is not a 'communication problem'

Fluffyears · 16/12/2017 10:49

because you had to drink at least half a bottle when you could have compromised on one glass with food and still been Ok to stick to your agreement.

Not in Scotland where the drink drive limit was lowered. You can’t have one glass of wine even with a meal as it would put you over the limit. I agree with the lower limit completely though as I think anyone driving should not be touching a drop. A young boy I went to school with was killed at the age of 7 and a young woman paralysed when a drunk driver ploughed into a mini bus filled with children. Several kids were also badly injured.

Original poster

Sanshin · 16/12/2017 11:04

I won't drive after even one drink as alcohol effects can be totally different each time. Sometimes I can feel tipsy after one drink - other times I can drink a full bottle and barely feel it. It's just not worth it.

OP posts:

Increasinglymiddleaged · 16/12/2017 11:27

why on Earth is it weird to have 2 glasses of wine on a Saturday night??? Don't most people do that?!

Are you sure it was only 2 as you seem to have forgotten what day it is . Sorry, couldn't resist.....

Original poster

Sanshin · 16/12/2017 11:50

Haha Friday! I meant Friday! 😂

OP posts:

CR7987 · 16/12/2017 11:50

I've never understood adults not being able to make their own way home from a night out.

specialsubject · 16/12/2017 11:50

Ffs the op has done nothing wrong. Her saddo and violent husband is the one at fault.

Spangles1963 · 16/12/2017 18:47

You'll be for it when he gets in? OP I hope you're OK.

HildaZelda · 16/12/2017 18:56

YANBU at all OP. I wouldn't risk drinking either, not even one glass. I know I might feel fine but the breathalyser might say different.
Your DH is a grown adult. He can make his own way home and he shouldn't be making you feel guilty about it.
I went out last weekend with two of my neighbours. My DH offered to drop us off at about 8pm. Naturally we were grateful but we certainly didn't expect him to pick us up at 3am and so got a taxi home.

Mummyof2wifeof1 · 05/12/2018 15:13

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MissionItsPossible · 05/12/2018 15:18

I think the OP has moved on...

Flip

1 2 3