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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH pissed off that I won't drink and drive

74 replies

Sanshin · 16/12/2017 00:30

I posted yesterday saying I'd agreed to pick DH up from works night out but changed my mind. General consensus was that I was BU but a few said "just ask if he minds".

So I asked him "do you definately want picking up as I'm going to get a bottle of wine otherwise". (He has form for arranging a pick up and then not getting in touch and making his own way home). He said "don't worry about it, I'll get a taxi". He even admitted that he wouldn't want to pick me up if tables were turned.
Map he books a taxi for 11pm no problem. I sit down with bottle of wine and a film.

Midnight he texts asking me to pick him up otherwise he has to walk (well over an hours walk). Clearly missed the taxi. I explained that I've drank half a bottle of wine and he says "you'll be ok if you're careful"!!!! Now he's in a mood because I've refused to do it.

Clearly I'm nit being unreasonable? Half a bottle of red is way over the limit right?

OP posts:
cloudchasing · 16/12/2017 02:26

OP I feel for you. My dd's dad is an alcoholic, and I used to dread him coming home. Do you actually want to be with him? He sounds like a dick.

Pyong well yes, clearly she's selfish Hmm

ANnieAnonimouse · 16/12/2017 02:39

I hope she lets us know she’s ok. Hopefully she just meant he was an argumentative twat when drunk, nothing more.

lalalalyra · 16/12/2017 02:44

I hope you are ok OP. Feeling like you'll be "in for it" when your DH comes in because he missed his taxi isn't on.

Gaudeamus · 16/12/2017 02:52

If you had driven drunk you might have killed or maimed yourself, or both of you, or someone else, so I don't see grounds for his complaint in that respect - you were obviously reasonable not to.

Why did he not get his taxi? I assume they let him know they were there. Failing that, why did he not call another taxi?

rcit · 16/12/2017 02:58

In 2 minds really. He sounds like a disorganised nightmare but knowing this, why did you drink wine this evening? It’s not like it’s necesdary Confused

randomuntrainedcuntowner · 16/12/2017 03:04

In 2 minds really. He sounds like a disorganised nightmare but knowing this, why did you drink wine this evening? It’s not like it’s necesdary 

I'm assuming you're drunk yourself - hence why you can't spell "necessary".

But back to planet earth - why the fuck is op unreasonable in having a drink? It is legal and she is over 18. And presumably her male partner has had a few, so why is she more unreasonable than him?

HermioneAndTheSniffle · 16/12/2017 04:01

He sounds like a disorganised nightmare but knowing this, why did you drink wine this evening?

And why on earth should the op be the one to be organised for her DH? Why should she pick up the slack so he never gets to feel the consequences of him being disorganised??

Sorry he said he was happy to find a taxi back home. He missed the taxi. His issue to find a way back home. Surely he wasn’t on his own anyway???

Myheartbelongsto · 16/12/2017 04:05

Well that backfired on you random.

Panda81 · 16/12/2017 04:32

Well that backfired on you random.

GrinGrinGrin

LellyMcKelly · 16/12/2017 04:36

I’m sure the numbnuts can order his own taxi. He’s a grown up and managed to phone his wife.

user1496894159 · 16/12/2017 04:44

What does DU mean, can't see in any list?

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 16/12/2017 06:00

Yes, I hope you're okay too OP.
Sounds like you need to re evaluate your marriage.
You are not a taxi, nor are you at his beck and call.
Do something about this, I truly hope you let him walk.😡
Sounds like a bully to me.

Herbcake · 16/12/2017 06:01

I think the people questioning the OPs drinking are wondering why she HAD to be able to drink sitting in on her own, especially when it meant she wouldn't be able to do something she'd previously agreed to.

You're right not to drive, he's being a twat and I would be extremely impatient with someone who gets so drunk they miss their prearranged transport home.

cafenoirbiscuit · 16/12/2017 07:21

I can’t see an update Sanshin and am hoping you’re ok Flowers

MoistCantaloupe · 16/12/2017 07:22

She didn’t say she HAD to drink though. She fancied a drink.

Shoxfordian · 16/12/2017 07:33

You're not unreasonable; you would clearly have been over the limit to drive.

Eolian · 16/12/2017 07:42

Obviously he WBU to expect you to drink and drive, but changing your mind about agreeing to give him a lift just because you want to sit at home alone drinking seems a bit weird.

Myheartbelongsto · 16/12/2017 07:51

Something not right here. I think op has tried her best not to be in a position to pick him up.

Increasinglymiddleaged · 16/12/2017 07:58

Yes 2 glasses of wine on a Friday = alcoholic Confused. They always pop up on any thread.

I think op has tried her best not to be in a position to pick him up.

So what? I like to go to bed early no bloody way would I turn out at midnight to pick DH up, that's what Taxis are for. He's not a child I have to look after. AIBU gets more and more like the Daily Mail these days.

SoupDragon · 16/12/2017 08:01

Well that backfired on you random.

The part with the misspelling was a quote, not posted by Random.

Longdistance · 16/12/2017 08:16

I have been with my dh 11 years, and I have not once picked him up at stupid o’clock because he’s gone out drinking.

He gets on a train or grabs a taxi. And, he has never picked me up either, I can find my own way home, you know?...being an adult...

I hope you’re not ‘in for it’? That sounds worrying in itself Sad

Trafficjammadness · 16/12/2017 08:17

Your post yesterday everyone said you were unreasonable to bail out of picking him up on the day as agreed, particularly as you said he'd do it for for you, you devided not to anyway and have a few glasses od wine. Frankly I think you've been selfish and should have stuck to the original agreement.

However he is being a dick to have the hump you won't drink and drive nothing is worth that.

You said yesterday there were excellent transport where you lived so wouldn't be a problem getting home, why does he know need to walk an hour?

HermioneAndTheSniffle · 16/12/2017 08:27

But that’s a totally different situation.
She might have been unreasonable to go back from saying she was going to pick him up.

However, she did CONFIRM with him if she wanted coming up and he said NO.
From that point on, he was the one responsible for finding his way back.
He also knew that he OP would have a drink (2gLasses which would be enough to make over the limit but not enough to be frowned upon!!).

OP I hoe things went ok when he was back at home.

Viserion · 16/12/2017 08:29

Accidentally hitting a D instead of an S on a keyboard does not make someone drunk given that they are right next to each other Hmm.

Nor does having two glasses of wine on a Friday night, even if you are alone at the time. I did the same last night. I've had a monumentally busy week with work and wanted to relax with a glass or two. DH was out and I knew would be worse for wear when he got in. Having a couple of glasses of wine on board myself makes his irritating drunk behaviour more bearable. And he is not a drunk either. He doesn't drink often so tends to get affected when he does.

Back to the OP, if he is old enough to go out and get pissed, he is old enough to find his own way home and not expect his wife to act as mother and sit up waiting for him. Especially if that was what was agreed. Being an abusive arse when he gets in is completely unacceptable.

ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 16/12/2017 08:31

Op hope all is Ok this morning Flowers