To be cross with disorganized DH and IL

[Grumpants]

Firstly I have changed name so I can be honest without full exposure if anyone guesses who I am irl

So 10 days before Xmas having stated what days we have free over Xmas to have the dreaded in laws over for months. DH has just now asked me when we can have them arrrrrrr.

So the situation is I am front line nhs staff in a highly stressful job and I am working nights over the Xmas period. As in a couple of night pre Xmas finishing Xmas eve then I’m working Boxing Day and nye night. No I can’t host the day I’m working a night nor the day after. ( well not if anyone in the house wants to survive my sarcasm when exhausted and stressed ).
In laws don’t get this and think they can invite themselves when they want.
I have stated the facts again to DH and clearly what days to offer mil sil bill to come and visit. I have not seen him text this information to SIL!!! WIBU to kill DH if he surcums to them pushing for a day I’m working???? He is being quiet so I know they are putting pressure on! They have also done this directly to DH rather than the WhatsApp one I’m in. Interesting and telling?
For background no I don’t like them and mil has hardly seen our DC all year we are not close. They have history for this. The other year having had to endure them pre night shift over Xmas I ended up in tears at work due to having had a horrible day of them being nasty and no sleep. I am in a job where I really need to be on form.
Sorry had to vent. Enjoy your wine tonight x

Or, as abouttimes suggests, just invite them yoursef. Do it on the whatsapp group so everyone is in the loop and they can't deny not having the info and say I'm working these shifts and so would love to host you all on these days, which works for you?

Get on that whatsapp group and type out in CAPITAL LETTERS the days you are available, otherwise, your dh will be railroaded and your ILs will get their way

if you have spelled it out they have no excuse....cut them off before they start. Of course you shouldn't have to, but do it and be damned.

You said there's a family WhatsApp group - would you post a message like "Hi, don't know if DH has mentioned but I'm working all over Christmas - we'd love to have you over on X, Y or Z day, looking forward to seeing you" even if it's blatant lies.

Would that cause ructions with your DH? Put your foot down, you shouldn't have to be dreading Christmas on top of an enormously stressful job. And thank you, by the way.

Any chance a friend of yours is off visiting family and would be able to leave you the keys to their place?

If not I'd be seriously looking at availability on local airbnbs...for the safety of your patients, of course.

You could always use your family group to reiterate this? Set clear boundaries. The reason they are being CFs is because your husband allows them to! Let it come from you so they know they can't just push your husband into letting them do whatever - if you don't have a good relationship anyway then no harm done.

Op don't back down. I'm a nurse and no way would I have visitors, especially unsympathetic ones in the house when I'm due on night shift. Hope it gets sorted and you get to enjoy your Christmas. 💐

It’s your DH that’s the real problem here, this situation shouldn’t even have arisen, he should have your back on this .

There’s no debate. They accept the date offered or they don’t come.

The issue you need to tackle is your DH.

If it doesn't work out - book yourself into a hotel on DH's credit card!

We had issue with inlaws coming over after DC was born, I specifically said not in the evening and they came and stayed until nearly 9pm, I spent the whole of their visit in bed asleep upstairs. I'd asked visitors not to come in the evening because I knew I'd be exhausted.

Why is your DH dragging his feet over this?!

Well as expected none of our days work for them. So DH will be going up Boxing Day without me. The relief is lovely I get to escape in laws and a nice peaceful day alone and sleep time pre work.

That's great OP....A good outcome..xx Have a lovely snoozy boxing day,