To be cross with disorganized DH and IL

[Grumpants]

Firstly I have changed name so I can be honest without full exposure if anyone guesses who I am irl

So 10 days before Xmas having stated what days we have free over Xmas to have the dreaded in laws over for months. DH has just now asked me when we can have them arrrrrrr.

So the situation is I am front line nhs staff in a highly stressful job and I am working nights over the Xmas period. As in a couple of night pre Xmas finishing Xmas eve then I’m working Boxing Day and nye night. No I can’t host the day I’m working a night nor the day after. ( well not if anyone in the house wants to survive my sarcasm when exhausted and stressed ).
In laws don’t get this and think they can invite themselves when they want.
I have stated the facts again to DH and clearly what days to offer mil sil bill to come and visit. I have not seen him text this information to SIL!!! WIBU to kill DH if he surcums to them pushing for a day I’m working???? He is being quiet so I know they are putting pressure on! They have also done this directly to DH rather than the WhatsApp one I’m in. Interesting and telling?
For background no I don’t like them and mil has hardly seen our DC all year we are not close. They have history for this. The other year having had to endure them pre night shift over Xmas I ended up in tears at work due to having had a horrible day of them being nasty and no sleep. I am in a job where I really need to be on form.
Sorry had to vent. Enjoy your wine tonight x

[Sweetpea55]

That's great OP....A good outcome..xx Have a lovely snoozy boxing day,

[Grumpants]

Well as expected none of our days work for them. So DH will be going up Boxing Day without me. The relief is lovely I get to escape in laws and a nice peaceful day alone and sleep time pre work.

[Appuskidu]

Why is your DH dragging his feet over this?!

[GreyMorning]

We had issue with inlaws coming over after DC was born, I specifically said not in the evening and they came and stayed until nearly 9pm, I spent the whole of their visit in bed asleep upstairs. I'd asked visitors not to come in the evening because I knew I'd be exhausted.

[BertieBotts]

If it doesn't work out - book yourself into a hotel on DH's credit card!

[BenLui]

There’s no debate. They accept the date offered or they don’t come.

The issue you need to tackle is your DH.

[Layla8]

It’s your DH that’s the real problem here, this situation shouldn’t even have arisen, he should have your back on this .

[TheDuchessofDukeStreet]

Op don't back down. I'm a nurse and no way would I have visitors, especially unsympathetic ones in the house when I'm due on night shift. Hope it gets sorted and you get to enjoy your Christmas. 💐

[nutnerk]

You could always use your family group to reiterate this? Set clear boundaries. The reason they are being CFs is because your husband allows them to! Let it come from you so they know they can't just push your husband into letting them do whatever - if you don't have a good relationship anyway then no harm done.

[Liara]

Any chance a friend of yours is off visiting family and would be able to leave you the keys to their place?

If not I'd be seriously looking at availability on local airbnbs...for the safety of your patients, of course.

[AlansLeftMoob]

You said there's a family WhatsApp group - would you post a message like "Hi, don't know if DH has mentioned but I'm working all over Christmas - we'd love to have you over on X, Y or Z day, looking forward to seeing you" even if it's blatant lies.

Would that cause ructions with your DH? Put your foot down, you shouldn't have to be dreading Christmas on top of an enormously stressful job. And thank you, by the way.

[MsHomeSlice]

Get on that whatsapp group and type out in CAPITAL LETTERS the days you are available, otherwise, your dh will be railroaded and your ILs will get their way

if you have spelled it out they have no excuse....cut them off before they start. Of course you shouldn't have to, but do it and be damned.

[PopGoesTheWeaz]

Or, as abouttimes suggests, just invite them yoursef. Do it on the whatsapp group so everyone is in the loop and they can't deny not having the info and say I'm working these shifts and so would love to host you all on these days, which works for you?

[Grumpants]

Aha he has at last sent sill the message. Now let’s await the debate!

[Butterymuffin]

Then it's totally on him, as you say. YANBU.

[Sweetpea55]

Do you think they would let you sleep undisturbed,, would DH be able to entertain without your presence,?
You could always check into a hotel to ensure a good kip

[Bambamber]

If you're on the group WhatsApp I would message something along the lines of

'Not sure whether or not DH has passed on what dates we're available over the Christmas period, so thought I'd let you know directly we're available between x and x. Any other dates and I'll be in bed sleeping so you'll be doing the cooking all while being quiet

Obviously in better worded and in better English than I can put it

[KimmySchmidt1]

Is DH shagging his mother and sister or shagging you? Who needs to choose whether he wants incest and if he doesn't then he needs to start being loyal to you, his wife and the person who has t sleep with him.

I hate these weirdo blokes who treat female family like a demanding French lover. And I think if you start positioning it to him like that he will suddenly find some balls.

[Hulder]

DH problem.

It's unsurprising the ILs are asking - from their perspective, they usually visit at Christmas and haven't been given any info.

Your DH is just making it worse by putting his head in the sand. If he'd told them the dates ages ago this would have all blown over by now.

[PopGoesTheWeaz]

Wouldnt it be perfect if they came while you were at work? Then you can avoid seeign them altogether, DH has to host (and learn what's involved and if it goes tits up then hes to blame?)

[abouttimeforanotherone]

Perhaps you could take the bull by the horns and invite them yourself? Then you can tell them exactly which days they can come.

[Grumpants]

Yep also use Work as an excuse! Notice I have Xmas day nicely off. That’s not a day being offered as i planned that months ago with my on hand helpful family.
Ok I’m the bad guy but hell no way am I having in laws on days I’m working nights. We have offered a fair alternative ( well I have just not sure DH has passed it on).

[saladdays66]

You've got a Dh problem. :(

He'd obviously rather offend/upset you than his family. Why? Sounds like they have form for this.

[Grumpants]

I have very clearly stated to DH the days between Xmas and nye they can come. He has not passed this info on. Why?? I don’t know. As it’s his family it’s his problem. No I will not be host no way will they be coming. If they do I will not be playing along!!!

[Hulder]

YANBU.

My ILs were flabbergasted I had to work at Christmas the first year I was with DH (am also NHS) and I didn't have 2 weeks off.

To my shame I have used this and have been permanently 'working' every Christmas ever since when actually I do 1 in 4. sorry, not sorry