Splitting outgoings with my DP?

[moneymoney1]

NC for this.

So long and short of it is..

DP spends 70% of his income each month towards bills (everything from mortgage to gym membership - anything left is for pure luxuries)

I spend 96.5% of my income towards the same outgoings. Again, anything left is solely for luxuries. So our outgoings between us we half.

Obviously this leaves me with a very small amount each month £50 or less, while he turns out with £735.

Is this unfair on me or unfair on him? He doesn't think he should be paying more just because he makes more.

Please be honest

[FluffyWuffy100]

Unless you’re married and have children - why should DP be subsidising your life choices (debt, lower paid work)?

You’re a healthy adult. Go forth and earn your own money.

In this situation though you should love to the lower earners budget re rent, holidays, eating out etc.

[FluffyWuffy100]

Also I’d count your debts as ycomkng outnof your ‘fun’ money... your pulled forward your fun into earlier years so now you have to have less fun/luxury to pay for it.

Really surprised anyone would expect a DP to pay for debts they ran up before they met.

[LakieLady]

If I've got this right, he's paying £250 a month towards your debt. If you didn't have that debt, he'd be left with £1,000 and you'd be left with £300. That doesn't seem fair.

BUT if he wasn't paying half, and you were paying all the debt repayment, you'd be haemorrhaging money at the rate of £450 a month.

I'd say that, while the debt is still being paid off, you're getting the better end of the deal, tbh. I'm not sure that I'd be happy to pay off half a debt that my partner had got themselves into entirely on their own.

OTOH, I would be happy to pay more for "fun" things like holidays, meals out etc.

I think it might be a good idea for you to try and renegotiate the debt. Some lenders are very reasonable, will stop charging interest and reduce monthly repayments when people are struggling. CAB or Step Change can give advice on this. A colleague has just got a huge credit card debt switched to a loan, the interest is so much lower that she is making smaller repayments and will have it paid off sooner.

Debt is such a trap. It seems bizarre to me that they're so strict about mortgage lending but seem to throw credit and store cards at people willy-nilly.

[Aridane]

Cocklodger is used for someone who contributes nothing but the joy of their penis to the household.

And on another thread, someone came up with vagina recliner for the female equivalent . Just thought I would share that - it cracked me up when I read that.

[rocky4]

So no one thinks that debt caused by a cat the OP & her DP share, should be split?

Did I miss the part the OP said the car accident was before they met or that she was a wreckless driver?

No one knows the circumstances I think some of the replies are a bit harsh. From what I understand she does pay her way, half of all the bills PLUS all the debt, which like I said could so easily be joint.

I think it's sad that someone who obviously is in a bit of a vulnerable position came on here for advice and has now got bashed for it. Going by the lack of her replies recently I think she has got the hint.

GL to OP I hope you see some light soon

[Ellisandra]

But @rocky4 going by the contradictions and drip feeding, who knows if this cat was shared with this man? And whether it wasn't shared truly - just came from her home to theirs? What if it was her cat that she brought with her that she just hadn't bothered to insure? I wouldn't be happy at forking out a £1K share of that, if I assumed it was insured all along.

Even if the car accident was after they met and not her fault at all, why didn't the insurance cover it? Well, most likely because she'd taken out some kind of finance with no gap insurance. So she would have to carry on paying off the finance. What if the car was still here? Do you think he should be paying off half of her car, or subbing her for everything else so she can afford to run a fancy car?

I said upthread - with my XH, cars were the one thing that we're off the table for 50:50 finances. No way should I pay towards his brand new BMW 6 series on contract when I chose to drive a 10 year old owned outright Golf.

This debt - the majority appears to be the car - is the same as saying he should pay for her car. Directly or indirectly. No, he shouldn't.

OP would have had more sympathy if she hadn't back tracked and hadn't drip fed.

[Ellisandra]

In fact, the more I think about it, the more I think the car accident is just a red herring.

If your car is written off and you don't get the full cost of your outstanding finance paid off, you don't suddenly owe more money.

You may neee additional spending for a replacement car - but you either use the market value payout you did get to purchase it, or you recognise that you're fucked by not having gap insurance and you buy something much cheaper.

So most of the debt related to the car, was luxury spending that the OP chose. Her choice to have those car, and less money each month.

[AcrossthePond55]

Not wanting to debate whether or not the cat should have been treated or if the DP is cruel for wanting to PTS, that's not the issue here. But the cat vet debt could be because her DP didn't want the cat treated and so she accepted responsibility for the debt. In which case, it IS her debt, even if it's a 'shared cat'.

As far as the car; OP's car, OP's accident, OP's choice of insurance. Again, it is her debt.

[LemonSqueezy0]

YABU - Restructure your debt and take responsibility for your own actions.

I share my finances with my partner and earn pretty much equal amounts currently but if that changed, we'd both continue to share finances. We don't monitor each others spending - He has child support to pay, and that comes from our joint account as does the daily type spending on the DSC when they're here and at Christmas, birthdays etc (not begrudged at all!) and I have regular monthly things I pay (hair and nails) overall I'm sure it works out pretty much evenly.. We don't count what the other spends though... However £500 a month in debt repayments isnt small change, and don't blame him for wanting to take that on if I'm honest!