Splitting outgoings with my DP?

[moneymoney1]

NC for this.

So long and short of it is..

DP spends 70% of his income each month towards bills (everything from mortgage to gym membership - anything left is for pure luxuries)

I spend 96.5% of my income towards the same outgoings. Again, anything left is solely for luxuries. So our outgoings between us we half.

Obviously this leaves me with a very small amount each month £50 or less, while he turns out with £735.

Is this unfair on me or unfair on him? He doesn't think he should be paying more just because he makes more.

Please be honest

[UrsulaPandress]

So does he go off and do things without you as you cannot afford it?

And what happens about holidays?

[rjay123]

So how much personal debt are you paying off per month? Does it pre date your partner?

[Mumof56]

mumof56 Yes I hope to get a pay rise soon and once my debt is cleared (in 2 years) things will be a lot better for me. But as it stands now it doesn't look great for me

That's good to here that it's in the pipeline. Is he paying half your debts, ie is it part of the communal bills?

[mousemoose]

Yeah, just refuse to go out, keep turning the heating down, budget shop for groceries - all the things you would have to do to save money sensibly if you were on your own. If he feels you have to both spend exactly the same, well then he can economise with you rather than you splurge with him.

[Glumglowworm]

I think it’s unfair to you currently

You’re not housemates, you’re partners, in a relationship serious enough that you’ve bought a house together.

I couldn’t enjoy a spare £700 a month while my partner scrimped and saved with £50 spare a month.

Don’t have children with a man with this attitude. Seriously. You’ll be on mat leave so reduced income and he’ll still expect you to split bills equally. You’ll be in a terribly vulnerable financial position

[iamyourequal]

OP. I think you should be thinking long term. Ask yourself What will happen if we have children? Who will be looking after them? Who will be paying childcare? Whose salary and career will be taking the hit?

[Maria1982]

Nope not fair at all!!!

[moneymoney1]

He doesn't realise how shit it makes me feel. I work my ass off to take home £50 essentially.

He doesn't save it or put more to mortgage. He buys things like hot tubs, motorbikes, clothes, weekends/trips away with his friends & spends it at the pub yeh.

God this isn't looking great he sounds awful on paper

[SpartonDregs]

When we got together I earnt more than him and then a wedge more, I have reduced my workload and earn less now.

We always paid the same percentage of our wages into the joint account which covered all the joint costs, housing, bills, holidays, going out, treats etc. That way whatever we do, we both have the same percentage of our take home £ to spend as we wish.

[PaperdollCartoon]

DP and I have always paid a percentage based on what we bringing it, leaving roughly similar amounts each. We have a joint account for everything from rent and bills to food and travel, and put a set amount each month in there. Including debt I’ve built up, which we’re paying off together. When we first lived together he earned much more and paid about 75% into the pot, we’re even at the moment and pay about 50/50. I’ll soon be earning more than him so it’ll shift again... we’re a team, I’d hate him to feel he had to go without because I was hogging money.

[GeekyBlinders]

Yes yes to Glum and iam. He'll expect you to save up to find your maternity leave, and continue to pay half while you either work part-time, or will see childcare as "your" expense, or you'll be forced to be a SAHM and have to beg him for an allowance out of which you'll be buying everything for your child. Seen it so many times on here.

[moneymoney1]

Yes I have definitely thought of the children aspect. And it won't be happening the way things are at the moment.

I pay just shy of £500 towards my debt I hate myself for that.

Yes my debt is factored into the communal bills, which is why I think he grudges this.

[Ellisandra]

Hang on!
You have a very different idea of discretionary "luxury" spending than me...
You start by saying you have nothing leftover.
But his gym is included in his, all your debt repayment, your socialising... so actually, as that's all personal spends you do have more than £50.
But you spend some on socialising a fair bit on debt.

I'm the higher earner and he has full access to our pooled money - though admittedly only after I've put a whack into my pension.

But fucked if I'd be paying off his debt for him!

[Azzizam]

So what are you going to do? He's obviously aware and it doesn't really bother him.

Doesn't sound very loving the way you describe it all.

[twiney]

Its always going to be a tricky one IMO IF you are not married. Please note that part.
If you're married, kids, etc, you are bound to each other and definitely have to have an equal lifestyle.

If you dont have that level of committment, its a bit muddier.

Maybe he thinks - why exactly should we have the same? I mean I made choices, didn't get into debt, and studied for a career where I thought I might be able to make a good living for myself. From your partners point of view, the thing is you have debt that you brought on yourself. On the upside, you have a house that (I'm guessing?) you wouldnt have been given a mortgage for as a single person with your salary.

Basically, I think he's being mean. But outside of marriage, I dont think things are totally clear cut on this one

[Mumof56]

Yes my debt is factored into the communal bills, which is why I think he grudges this

If you paid all your debt yourself each month, how much would you be left with?

Have you an alternative to a gym membership or is it essential? Jogging outside costs nothing. Bottles of water as weights etc.

[Ellisandra]

£500 a month on debt?

Can you imagine if you posted that your boyfriend (you may have a mortgage, but you're married, he's just your boyfriend) expected you to pay his debts? You'd be told not to be so stupid!

[Nikephorus]

Well if your debt is in the communal part then basically he's paying towards something of yours that he gets zero benefit from. So I think it's perfectly fair & you're getting a good deal.

[stickytoffeevodka]

If you live together and have a mortgage, why don't you have joint finances?

[araiwa]

it sounds like give or take £200, you have similar salaries, but you already spent yours and the reason you only have £50 a month left is because you have to repay that.

he doesnt appear to be as unreasonable as you initially posted

[debbs77]

I don't see the problem here? 50/50 split is 100% fair! Especially when you paying off your debt is the reason you have less left over!

[stickytoffeevodka]

X-post, so he's paying off your debt as well?

So he is contributing more overall, then? As they're not his debts. He shouldn't really have to pay anything at all towards them, really.

[Ellisandra]

Your posts are very unclear with what most people call luxury (eating out) included in communal bills.

If your £500 debt repayment is part of that, he's already paying off £250 of your debt each month.

I think you're taking the piss wanting him to pay even more of it!

[WontLetThoseRobotsDefeatMe]

You have more than £50 after bills - the 500 quid a month on personal debt.

As by the sounds of it, it predates your partner, I'm afraid it's yours to pay.

[HouseworkIsAPain]

What is in your joint pot? Are holidays, meals out as a couple, socialising as a couple included?

What does your £50 need to cover - hair, going out on your own, travel?