Splitting outgoings with my DP?

[moneymoney1]

NC for this.

So long and short of it is..

DP spends 70% of his income each month towards bills (everything from mortgage to gym membership - anything left is for pure luxuries)

I spend 96.5% of my income towards the same outgoings. Again, anything left is solely for luxuries. So our outgoings between us we half.

Obviously this leaves me with a very small amount each month £50 or less, while he turns out with £735.

Is this unfair on me or unfair on him? He doesn't think he should be paying more just because he makes more.

Please be honest

[AcrossthePond55]

Caveat: Is your name on the mortgage? If you don't have any ownership interest or claim on the house, then your contribution to the mortgage should be pro-rata too.

[Splinterz]

A lot of 'my' outgoings are towards debt

That's your 'spending money ' servicing your personal debt I'm afraid.

[JenniferYellowHat1980]

OP I know you’ve already started to take on board what posters are saying. What you’re referring to as take home pay is actually surplus money that you could save or use towards clearing your debt. I can’t remember the figure but you said your DP has something like £750 spare but you would have £550 if you weren’t paying off debt and you expect to to be better off in a couple of years. In those circumstances it’s not a vast difference.

[ItsInTheDogsMouth]

Is seems to me a fair way would be to pool both your incomes, pay the essential bills, mortgage, utilities, then split what's left 50/50. Out of that you each pay for your 'luxuries' e.g gym, car insurances, car repayments, meals out etc. You would also pay your debt from your 50%. Why would you expect him to repay your debt that you ran up before you knew him?

[arethereanyleftatall]

Why does your dp earn more than you?
I think that's relevant.
My dh earns more than me because when we were at uni he studied, I got pissed; when we were 21 he started a job, I went travelling; when we were 27 he worked late, I didn't; etc etc basically he deserves to earn more than me, and it wouldn't be remotely fair to expect him to share it. (He does though, bless him, but why should he?)

[Quimby]

Presumably you’d be happy for him to have a greater share of the equity in the house if he was contributing more to the mortgage?

[Lethaldrizzle]

Arethereanyleft - because if you are a couple and have children you should share your income absolutely equally. So a nurse married to a doctor should get by on less because he is more qualified?!

[FlouncyDoves]

Why should he pay off your old debts?

[arethereanyleftatall]

Lethal - I'm not sure the op does have dc, sorry if I've missed that. Dc totally change things as one party tends to do more childcare.
I think most couples do share, or at least the higher earner does more of the treating, but I'm not sure it should be 'expected' if it's the case that one works harder than the other to result in their higher income.

[StickThatInYourPipe]

We don’t split by percentage, we just both pay all our wages into a joint account (which has all bills etc influx personal stuff like gym memberships and mag subscriptions) then each get £200 into our own accounts. Makes it fair, I’m the higher earner but don’t think that should mean he gets less.

Anything left over at the end of the month goes into savings.

[MyKingdomForBrie]

I have never understood the ‘his and hers’ when it comes to finances in a serious cohabitating relationship. When DH moved in with me (DP at the time) my house became our house and any money coming in became our money. Doesn’t really matter who pays for what. If one of us runs out before the end of the month the other one transfers some over. We only don’t have a joint account because we can’t face the admin.

It does sound like you’re being unfair to him in the circs though. You said initially your debt is factored into bills and I tend to think that was your honest answer - therefore he’s already giving you a chunk of money each month. You then rowed back and said actually it comes separately out of your account - if so you can’t be earning that much less than him given there’s only £200ish difference in your take home amounts. Either way, what you’re asking is for him to pay either more of or some of your debt for you, which he hasn’t agreed to.

You’ll need to have a conversation with him where you explain that you think he should be doing this.

[Jakeyboy1]

If you want to share your life with someone share money. Not worth living with someone to quibble over a fiver.

[TheOriginalMagratGarlik]

We have all income going into a joint account. The amount required to cover all regular outgoings has been calculated and any excess is halved and transferred to each of our own personal accounts. We get the same amount of "spending money" each month. The alimony that he pays for his dc from his previous marriage is a joint expense, those children deserve that money. On the other hand, I worked on a 0.8 FTE contract for some time and took unpaid career break leave, which I also would not expect him to begrudge me. In a long-term relationship you don't judge or count these things. Sometimes one of you has more, another time the other does. You are not earning money as individuals, you are earning for the family. Noone should resent sharing with those they love.

[Azzizam]

No-one should resent sharing with those they love

This sums it up really. When you are busy counting all the costs your problem is more than money.

[Piewraith]

Not worth living with someone to quibble over a fiver.

It's 12k debt, not exactly just a fiver.

[TeeBee]

Why should he supplement your income. Why should he pay for your poor judgement?

[LA678]

My DP and I put both our wages into a joint account and let all the bills come out. As soon as they have, whatever's left we half and transfer back into each account. He earns about 20% more than me but it's never been a thought about issue to be honest, otherwise I'd be in the same position as you! I don't think that's very fair but he may see it another way.

[notangelinajolie]

He sounds selfish. What on earth is he spending that kind of money on? Do you trust him?

In our family all income goes in one pot. He works, I don't. We share everything.
Bills get paid. If either of us wants anything we just buy it. It helps that we both have very similar spending habits ie no hobbies, we dont care about nice clothes , DH barbers once a month and bottles of wine are alway shared between us. The kids claim the rest but hey ho that's how it goes.

No his money/my money crap.

I really think you need to talk because he is clearly not 100% in this relationship.

[scottishdiem]

A lot of 'my' outgoings are towards debt,

So you want him to subsidise your debt repayments. Unless the debts were because of him, that is unfair.

[NewLove]

Even if you split the bills percentage of income you would still have a smaller percentage of luxury money too...

[scottishdiem]

I really think you need to talk because he is clearly not 100% in this relationship.

DP and I are married for five years but DP has nothing to do with my finances prior to getting together. So you are talking shite really.

[scottishdiem]

Can you imagine a woman posting here saying her partner is upset at having so little money left after paying his debts and contributing to household costs and wants her to pay for it. I think cocklogder is the term? So maybe OP is a vaglodger?

[SpartonDregs]

Can you imagine a woman posting here saying her partner is upset at having so little money left after paying his debts and contributing to household costs and wants her to pay for it.

I think most people would suggest each partner paying the same percentage into the household, no matter who is asking.

Cocklodger is used for someone who contributes nothing but the joy of their penis to the household.

[BackInTheRoom]

I think I understand.

DP has £735 disposable income
OP has £550 but spends £500 debt

So he basically gets £185 MORE than you. So this amount should be factored in right?

[Ellisandra]

@SpartonDregs the % thing sounds appealing but it still has huge discrepancies.

Take home £3000 and £1000.
Outgoing £1200.
Leftover £2200 and £600.
Pretty different!

There are as many ways to do it, as there are couples!

In my personal opinion once you throw children into the mix, it's one pot.

But many of us have second marriages, different sets of children... in my case, we have the same disposable income but only after I've made a massive pension payment. Which my fiancé will hugely benefit from in the future - but not if we split and our pre-nup holds water. (not that I'd expect him to challenge it, but you never do know) Some people would find that unfair. But he is still better off from "my" money month to month.

Everyone has their own line about what's a team and what's a pisstake. For me, complaining that your boyfriend isn't paying off your debt for you is a pisstake.

I don't think OP will be back, because the flood of a drip feed and self contradictions literally don't add up.