Splitting outgoings with my DP?

[moneymoney1]

NC for this.

So long and short of it is..

DP spends 70% of his income each month towards bills (everything from mortgage to gym membership - anything left is for pure luxuries)

I spend 96.5% of my income towards the same outgoings. Again, anything left is solely for luxuries. So our outgoings between us we half.

Obviously this leaves me with a very small amount each month £50 or less, while he turns out with £735.

Is this unfair on me or unfair on him? He doesn't think he should be paying more just because he makes more.

Please be honest

[Theresnonamesleft]

My ex wanted me to help him with his debts. They seemed reasonable. They had nothing to do with me and he had around 25k.
Not a chance was I paying. Why should I?
This was without the other credit he had and the expensive gym membership (his was around £60 mine was around 30 for the same company)
Food, rent and actual household bills were split.
Everything else - entertainment etc varied as sometimes we did treat each other.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

OP, I was going to ask you for a better breakdown because what you posted didn't ring true. Now you've added that little nugget then I'm not surprised that he's not giving you more.

I wouldn't be having kids with you anytime soon either if I were him because I wouldn't be sure of you just as much as you're not sure of him.

You're making him out to be something that he isn't. Shame on you for your tap-running drip feed!

[moneymoney1]

I do pay my own debts, they come out of my bank account and the reason I am left with £50. On top of paying these debts I pay half into the joint account too. I don't see him paying any of my debt?

The debt stems from a hefty £2000k vet bill (shared cat) & a written off car as a result of a bad accident my insurance didn't pay out for.

Anyway, thanks for being honest I guess I am in the wrong.

[SparklingSnowfall]

We also pool everything, paid into a joint account, all bills come out of it, we get a set amount per week of our own 'do what we want with it' money and then if you need clothes/haircut/meal out or whatever, it just comes out of the joint account. We wouldn't even know which money belonged to which person.

[Aridane]

DP is being more than fair!

Imagine the responses you would get if you said you were paying off half your partner's monthly debt repayments.

[mrsm43s]

Presuming this is a serious, long term relationship, I would actually split differently.

I'd pool the incomes, and then take essential (i.e rent/utitlities/groceries only) spend out. Then take out an amount for joint savings (for the future, but also for genuine joint expenses such as holidays etc). Then split the remainder 50:50.

Out of your half, you each need to be responsible for your own socialising, gym memberships, clothes, fripperies, savings and debt replayments.

Would be interesting to see if that actually makes you any better off.

[eddielizzard]

ok if he isn't paying off your debts it is very unequal. when i was living with my bf at the time (before dh) i used to earn more and so used to sub him for treats. so that we could both enjoy nice things. i wouldn't be happy enjoying myself if my dp had to go without. that's not being a team or having someone's back.

think carefully - is this the only niggle? is he generous in other ways?

[MrsExpo]

I know it’s the best idea to pay off debts as soon as you can, but could you restructure your repayments to reduce them a bit and give yourself a bit more surplus to work with. Or is there anything you could cancel (gym membership for example) to make things easier?

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

You said your 'debt is factored into the communal bills'... so how does that work then? You say it's coming out of your bank account...

Both positions can't be true, can they?

[Mumof56]

I don't see him paying any of my debt?


Yes my debt is factored into the communal bills, which is why I think he grudges this



Is it or isn't it a bill paid from the communal fund?

[Huskylover1]

This really isn't clear.

In one post you say the £500pm payment towards debt, is factored in to the total bills which are divided by 2. Then you say that you pay it solely. Then you say it relates to vets bills for a shared cat. Which sounds like a joint bill you happen to have placed on a card in your sole name.

Confused!!

[MrsTerryPratchett]

You said your 'debt is factored into the communal bills'... so how does that work then? You say it's coming out of your bank account...

This...

[SparklingSnowfall]

Ah, I didn't see the debt part, debt sucks

[Ellisandra]

You posts are confusing and contradictory.

So you have £550 and have to pay £500 on debts.

He has £735.

With that difference I'd expect him to be aware that you didn't have much fun money and be ready to treat you over small things - cinema, etc.

But no way should he be paying off your debt!

[Ellisandra]

What's the relevance of the shared cat comment?
Is it also his cat but you're paying the bill?

And are you being deliberately confusing?!

[Viviennemary]

I wouldn't even have moved in with somebody who had a load of debt and I certainly wouldn't think it was my responsibility to pay it off. You are extremely lucky he is contributing to your debt repayments so you should stop whining and thinking you are hard done by. Grabby and entitled much.

[rjay123]

So £12k of debt, 2k for the cat.

So a £10k Car bill that insurance won’t pay out on. Either you had a pricey car with only third party insurance, which is foolish, or you were careless or reckless.

Either way, it’s your bad judgement that’s got you into the majority of this. Why should your partner have to cover you for any of this.

[Mumof56]

anything left is for pure luxuries

Again, anything left is solely for luxuries

You have 50 a month purely for luxuries. That's not bad.

[Iwanttobe8stoneagain]

Depends how you look at it. Is his job more stressful? Does he work harder for his money? Studied for qualifications etc? What’s stopping you earning more? I pay the mortgage DH pays other bills? Who’s er shops pays,it just kind of sorts itself out, if one of us is short the other pays. We both have childcare vouchers which cover wrap around clubs. Only know roughly what DH earns . Once joint out goings paid we spend the money eve earned - quite often on each other but it’s our money.

[mrsm43s]

I'm getting confused by the various updates not tallying, but if, in fact, what you are saying is that you have £550 over each month (but use £500 to repay debt) and he has £735 over (without any debt to pay), there may be an argument for him to give you an extra £90 or so, so that you both have £640 each. But out of that, you're still going to have to pay your £500 debt. That only works if you have equal gym memberships/clothes/mobile bills etc not if you already spend more than him on non-essentials.

[Viviennemary]

Is he paying towards your debt or not? In one post you say your debt is part of the communal expenses and in another post you say he isn't contributing towards repaying your debt. Which is it?

[Lethaldrizzle]

We have one pot for everything. There's no division at all.

[AcrossthePond55]

I'm a bit confused, too.

'Shared cat' but you're paying 100% of the bill? Was this something you agreed on because he didn't want to have the cat treated? If so, then it's your debt.
Is debt factored into the shared expenses or do you pay your debt separately plus your half of the household costs?

DH and I have had joint finances from the day we married. Prior to that we split household running costs 50/50 as we earned about the same but our debts were our own responsibility.

I think you'd better sit down with a calculator and figure if you're better off just letting sleeping dogs lie or if you need to speak up. If I was in his position I would probably expect you to pay 1/2 the mortgage (since the house is an asset as well as a home) and a prorata share of the other household expenses and taxes based on our respective incomes BUT I'd expect you to pay 100% of your own debt. I certainly wouldn't feel that I had to subsidize your debt, especially if any part of it was based on poor judgment.

[stickytoffeevodka]

So actually, you have £550 left, but you have to put £500 of it towards your debt?

I'm afraid, if the debt predates him, then that's tough and you need to pay it off out of your spends.

You say a shared cat, but you don't say whether you had the cat with him or a previous partner?

[stickytoffeevodka]

And when you say shared cat, is it shared as in, it lives with both of you, or shared as in, you both split the insurance/bills for the cat?

DP and I have cats, but really, they're mine. I pay for their food, insurance and any vet bills, jabs etc. He'll say to people that he has two cats, but he's not financially responsible for either of them. If one of them needed treatment that wasn't covered by insurance, I wouldn't expect him to pay for it.