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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do I have to invite friend I was bridesmaid for?

31 replies

ChocolateCupcake123 · 15/12/2017 13:06

I was bridesmaid for a friend last year. To be honest I was surprised to be asked - we were friends at school but have barely spoken since. We meet maybe once a year. I agreed and thought it was a lovely offer but the whole thing was a faff and we’ve gone back to barely speaking again now.

I recently got engaged, we would like to do a small wedding - family only and about 5 friends (plus partners) each.

I just don’t want to invite her, there are so many friends I’d rather have there. If it was a big wedding I’d certainly invite her - I do like her. But she’s just not in my top 5, or even 10!

Given that I was her bridesmaid I know that she will be really offended if I don’t invite her.

Is it really bad of me not to have her there? Or do I need to invite her to keep the friendship? And if I don’t invite her, what do I say?

I’m so torn!

OP posts:
maddiemookins16mum · 15/12/2017 13:13

Don't invite, don't say anything. If she finds out, she finds out. Seeing as you're hardly in touch anyway it won't make much difference.

namechangedcantthinkofnewone · 15/12/2017 13:14

If you don't really speak then I wouldn't bother.

Cantuccit · 15/12/2017 13:18

No, don't invite her.

She had her own reasons for inviting you. Doesn't mean you have to reciprocate, as you say you are hardly in contact.

It's your wedding, keep the invite list to those you want around you.

Frazzled2207 · 15/12/2017 13:19

As you are blatantly having a small wedding don't invite. I probably would if you were having a big one though.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 15/12/2017 13:24

No not at all, as you say a big wedding would be different but in this case yanbu at all

RestingGrinchFace · 15/12/2017 13:36

Just tell her that you each only invited 5 people. She will understand.

Blackteadrinker77 · 15/12/2017 13:37

I would ask her to meet up for a bite to eat and just explain that you are getting married but it is very small.

No need to be childish about it.

Howsthings1234 · 15/12/2017 13:45

It's your wedding you can't set out trying to please everyone else. Invite the people that matter most to you and your partner. End of. People will possibly get upset but that's normal when it comes to weddings so stand your ground and have conviction in your decisions and you will be fine!

Cantuccit · 15/12/2017 13:52

OP, don't do what blackteadrinker suggests.

Suggesting that OP arrange to meet someone she barely speak to tell them she's getting married but not inviting them is spectacularly bad advice.

And I don't see what the 'childish' comment is about.

Trinity66 · 15/12/2017 13:54

Of course you don't have to but she probably will be offended, weddings always have a habit of causing offense :p

FluffyNinja · 15/12/2017 13:55

My best friend invited her old school friend (who she rarely saw) to be her bridesmaid. I was a bit miffed at the time but she admitted it was because school friend was very attractive and would look good in the photographs.
Couldn't argue with that really as I cannot take a nice picture to save my life. Grin
If you think that might be why she invited you to be her bridesmaid, then crack on.

PricillaQueenOfTheDesert · 15/12/2017 14:03

If you can’t even decide who you want to invite and who you want as your bridesmaid I don’t think you’re really grown up enough to be making a decision about getting married!

Ffs what is it about people that think they owe virtual strangers an invite to a free dinner that they will be paying for?

She used you to make her numbers up, she has no interest in you, why do you feel you have to invite her, just why? If you upset her will you really even notice that she is no longer In your life?

Grow up, don’t invite her and decide whether you are ready to be an adult yet!

f83mx · 15/12/2017 14:03

Fluffy - seriously? people think like that?

onalongsabbatical · 15/12/2017 14:06

FluffyNinja wow! Please be my bridesmaid instead of my best friend because you'll look better in the pictures...no, can't understand that at all.
In fact, I suspect that marriage won't last.

pigeondujour · 15/12/2017 14:08

Fluffy - you really couldn't argue with that?! She sounds genuinely horrible!

Cantuccit · 15/12/2017 14:14

If you can’t even decide who you want to invite and who you want as your bridesmaid I don’t think you’re really grown up enough to be making a decision about getting married!

Priscilla where does OP say that she doesn't know who she wants to invite or who she wants as bridesmaid?

ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual · 15/12/2017 14:17

I'd just message her, explain you're having a very small wedding so unfortunately there's lots of people you can't invite. Hope she's well and suggest meeting after Christmas. I think it's fine not to invite her but I think being upfront about it will really help lessen any offence.

Trinity66 · 15/12/2017 14:35

FluffyNinja

That's awful Shock

FluffyNinja · 15/12/2017 14:55

To be honest, I think my friend made the right call and she really is a lovely person. I know she was feeling stressed from her MIL making demands about her younger daughters being bridesmaids so she only got to choose 1 of her own bridesmaids.
I don't even have pictures of me when I got married (Registry Office) as I can't bear to see them. I didn't waste money on a fancy frock and just bought a summer dress from Monsoon which was ok.

LolaTheDarkdestroyer · 15/12/2017 15:23

Fluffy that is shocking and she would be no friend of mine!

PorklessPie · 15/12/2017 15:39

Fluffy Confused that is bloody awful

RoseWhiteTips · 15/12/2017 16:08

You make her sound like a hit record...top
5...top 10. All a bit childish, no?

RoseWhiteTips · 15/12/2017 16:10

Fluffy, some people are Grade A morons.

KinkyAfro · 15/12/2017 16:47

How is it childish rose op is merely stating how close she is to her 'friend'

LolaTheDarkdestroyer · 15/12/2017 17:22

I agree with rose re the top ten thing ridiculous.

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