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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU re finding out sex of baby

65 replies

Mummytea24 · 15/12/2017 13:01

AIBU to ask why those people who do not find out the sex of their baby at the 20 week scan look down their noses at those of us who do?

OP posts:
OhBergine · 15/12/2017 13:47

I actually found this a bit. A couple of people said to me "but don't you want a surprise?" UM, it's still a surprise, whether you find out at 20 weeks or 40!!!

Original poster
Mummytea24 · 15/12/2017 13:51

My thoughts exactly, it's either a boy or a girl & does it really matter when you find out. Just nice, well maybe nice isn't the right word, to hear others have been judged for finding out too

OP posts:
LaurieMarlow · 15/12/2017 13:57

It's deemed more liberal and PC to not care about the sex, that's where the judgement is coming from. I didn't find out with DS and have no regrets.

However, I'm currently 17 weeks with DC2 and I am going to find out. Firstly because it will help us focus the name conversation (which isn't bearing any fruit at the minute). Secondly I want to know how much of DS's old clothes to haul out (obviously I'll reuse lots of them anyway, but I'll get more new bits if it's a girl). Thirdly, I had a C section under GA last time and was the last to know so would rather be first this time.

AccrualIntentions · 15/12/2017 13:59

Just nice, well maybe nice isn't the right word, to hear others have been judged for finding out too
Is it also nice to hear others have been judged for not finding out? Because that's what this is really about - you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't.

turquoise88 · 15/12/2017 14:00

No one is "judging" you. People just have an opinion no matter what you do.

FWIW, I have heard of a few people who are desperate to find out ASAP and then, once they know, are a tiny bit disappointed that they didn't just hold out.

I didn't find out with either and couldn't give two hoots whether you do or don't.

Oysterbabe · 15/12/2017 14:07

There's definitely snobbishness about this, I've seen it on here loads of times, like you're a child who can't wait for Christmas to open their present. Actually it's just not a big deal to everyone and some people don't see any reason not to find out.

Original poster
Mummytea24 · 15/12/2017 14:16

I worked with a Polish guy who said that in Poland everyone finds out at the 20 week scan.

OP posts:
Eenymeeny123 · 15/12/2017 14:17

Well it's not that much of a surprise, it's either one or the other! I found out because I had been told i more then likely be given a c section under general anaesthetic. I didn't want to be the last to find out. We didn't tell anyone though.

Nanny0gg · 15/12/2017 14:25

It can still be a surprise if you already 'know', when it comes out the opposite to what you've been told...

(and I do know someone that happened to. Lots of redecorating...)

CaptainChristmas · 15/12/2017 14:29

Yes, I’ve heard of that too @nanny! No guarantees.

We didn’t find out with dc1, but we were told at an early scan with dc2 (due next month) that it looked like a boy. When it came to the 20 week scan, we didn’t ask them to look again as they were busy enough trying to get measurements and it took ages of pummelling to get them! So, we are anticipating a boy, but also aware it could easily be a girl as they told us boy so early on, which is less accurate. I think the thing is not to mind too much either way. It’s hard when someone is longing for a particular sex I think. If it doesn’t work out it’s not so good.

TobleroneBoo · 15/12/2017 14:35

We found out a month ago; we plan to tell those who want to know over Christmas.

I'd always intended to find out what I would be having; DP wasnt fussed either way - It was the various relatives sticking their oar in that started to stress me out, insisting we keep it a surprise!

Then the stubborn part of me thought " no, this is something we want to do, if I start being pressured into changing my mind now before the baby is even born, thats not a good start!"

TonicAndTonic · 15/12/2017 14:39

I told somebody the other day I wouldn't be finding out the sex of my baby and she was horrified and asked how I could not find out. Works both ways.

^^This! I've had some people treat it as either an inconvenience or a personal slight to them that I haven't found out the sex of my own unborn child Confused

JacquesHammer · 15/12/2017 14:40

Lots of redecorating...

Only if you're a "blue is for boys" and "pink is for girls" type!

formerbabe · 15/12/2017 14:45

You're all going to flame me but I think it's a class issue. Middle class people seem to prefer to not find out and working class people prefer to find out at the scan.

Honestly, it's something I've noticed amongst people I know.

BernardsarenotalwaysSaints · 15/12/2017 14:48

It's in your head. I've not found out with any of mine. I've always been really excited when friends & family have found out.

CaptainChristmas · 15/12/2017 14:50

Oooooooh controversial @formerbabe!

By ‘middle class’ though, do you mean private school and has owned at least one pony as a child, or reasonable state school in a commuter town and owned guinea pigs as a child? I only know a few of the former and, now that you mention it, they all happen to be of the don’t want to find out persuasion! That could be coincidence though. If you mean the latter then I definitely haven’t experienced that... I was the only one of 7 mums at my nct group not to find out the sex and they were all a lot better off than me.

curryforbreakfast · 15/12/2017 14:52

I doubt anyone does. Why would anyone else care if you find out or not?
Unless you're doing that tacky gender reveal bollocks, then we all judge!

Trinity66 · 15/12/2017 14:53

They do? this is brand new information lol why would anyone care if you do or don't find out the sex of your baby? lol I didn't because I wanted the surprise but I've never heard of anyone looking down their noses at someone who did find out

JacquesHammer · 15/12/2017 14:53

By ‘middle class’ though, do you mean private school and has owned at least one pony as a child

So I found out the sex Grin

Runningoutofusernames · 15/12/2017 14:53

Yanbu I totally got the same! So many people saying 'oh we wanted a surprise' as if all babies aren't massively surprising (or unsurprising, depends which way you look at it), or 'we really didn't mind'.
That said, I don't think anyone really cares much either way, but some people just like to reconfirm that they have made the right choice...

Trinity66 · 15/12/2017 14:56

Runningoutofusernames

Is it really that they're saying they made the right choice though or are they just making conversation? How is there even a right or wrong choice in this subject anyway, you either find out mid way through or at the end lol

formerbabe · 15/12/2017 14:56

It's deemed more liberal and PC to not care about the sex, that's where the judgement is coming from.

Maybe this is the crux of it and often the liberal/pc types are middle class?

JacquesHammer · 15/12/2017 14:57

It's deemed more liberal and PC to not care about the sex, that's where the judgement is coming from

I suppose it depends why you find out?

CaptainChristmas · 15/12/2017 14:58

Come on @formerbabe, what do you mean by middle class though? I need to know now . Ponies or guinea pigs?

sinceyouask · 15/12/2017 14:59

Do they? How odd of them. I found out with all of mine. I really do not care about other people's choices around this and I find it silly if anyone cared about mine.

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