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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think I can be a mum and a police officer

45 replies

Fairylights29 · 15/12/2017 09:33

Last year I got to the final stage of police interviews not long before I found out I had passed I found out I was pregnant. I was told they were doing intakes into next year so I could postpone so there is a chance I could still join next year. I would be taking a fairly big paycut and changing from normal 9-5 hours in my current job so the sensible side of me is saying I shouldn't do it I'm also worried about shift work and potentially missing time / big events with DS. But this is something I really wanted to do so anyone have any experience of police or shift work and how well this works with childcare? Thanks

OP posts:

FluffyWuffy100 · 15/12/2017 09:37

The only 2 women I knew in front line policing have now quit...

Low pay. Massive agro.

Camomila · 15/12/2017 09:39

One of the nicest politest little preschoolers I've taught has a DM whose a police officer. He'd always correct the other DC 'its not a policeman its a police officer.' He was very proud :)

Mayhemmumma · 15/12/2017 09:40

Only mum (of 2) I know in police force has recently left due to the difficulties with shift work and child care.

Wishfulmakeupping · 15/12/2017 09:41

I think the shift work would be the main issue for me.

KathArtic · 15/12/2017 09:41

Do you have a partner/family to help with childcare?

Don't expect to finish on time either so plans will have to change or you will have to miss things.

I wouldn't advise anyone to join the public sector now. Years ago the police got a huge pay rise (thanks Maggie) and it was a good profession. Think carefully as to why you want to do this.

NameChangedAndForgotOldName · 15/12/2017 09:43

I know a couple of officers, I'm closer to the male one and I know he absolutely loves his job, shift work isn't ideal, he does sets of 2 but then you get a few rest days before you start again.
The female one has children, she loves her job aswell from what she's said

scurryfunge · 15/12/2017 09:44

I joined when DS was 2. My husband had a regular 9-5 job so could do all the nursery pick ups. He was full time nursery until he started school. The only way we could manage the childcare then was to have au pairs until he started secondary school. They were able to do school runs, etc.
Shift work is difficult so be prepared for rubbish sleep on nights. I took a pay cut to join from teaching. I lasted 21 years though before some bastard ruined it by seriously assaulting me.
Flexible working is usually available but I stayed full time. Part time officers often get sidelined into office based roles but not many join to sit in an office.
Feel free to ask about anything else.

PinkBuffalo · 15/12/2017 09:47

OP, I work in the police and with loads of officers who are also mums. just be aware shift work can be a pain when it comes to childcare. I would also say make sure you're paying into the pension ( this is a relatively large percentage of your salary) and the benevolent fund.
Otherwise, enjoy it!

SendintheArdwolves · 15/12/2017 09:50

Basically:

If you have a partner/other support system who is prepared to be flexible and supportive - able to fit in round changing shifts, take time off when the child is ill and for school holidays, etc - then it is doable.

If you have a partner who will still expect you to be the one who does all pickups, arranges childcare for illness/holidays, ferries to afterschool clubs and generally is the first line of parenting, then it is not doable.

And also, if YOU expect to be able to do it all - pursue your career but then beat yourself up and feel guilty that you missed the primary school nativity play, didn't spend three days crafting a costume for world book day, etc, then it is not doable. The reality is that working parents (both male and female) do miss some significant moments in their child's life and that is an inescapable fact. Don't fool yourself that you can do both perfectly - it's not possible.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 15/12/2017 09:53

It’s achievable but realistically you need to factor in shifts,bank holidays,suddenly called into work
You need robust childcare
You will miss stuff Eg sports day,plays , weekend play dates.that in itself doesn’t make you a bad parent it makes you a shift worker but you need to live with that
Officers I know share childcare, help each other out,they have a support network

Re finances, can you adequately cover basic outgoings eg mortgage,utilities,food

Stress of the job
Be realistic it’s gruelling,physically and emotionally hard. You’ll hear and see stuff others simply cannot imagine
You’ll experience camaraderie and rapport with your colleagues
Your partner and family need to be on board
You need good mental health to be resilient and be able to switch modalities between copper and parent

iseenodust · 15/12/2017 09:53

Yes.
Or along similar lines a firefighter. What the role entails has changed a lot. Still shifts but maybe less overtime? Services are recruiting as the age profile is too old after years of no recruitment.

iseenodust · 15/12/2017 09:54

Yes, as in you can do it. Forgot was in AIBU.

scurryfunge · 15/12/2017 09:56

Totally agree with being able to change your plans at the drop of a hat and not finishing on time. 7/7 bombings I didn't go home for three days.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 15/12/2017 09:56

I work ft and I’ve missed events,it’s simply how it is.doesnt render me a bad parent

plominoagain · 15/12/2017 10:06

I do it full time with 5 DC’s and have done since they were born . Only managed as DH worked at the same station on opposite teams so when they were preschool we would literally swap jobs , bringing them into work , handing them over to whoever was going home , then taking over whoever was working first’s role , while the first one then went home with them all . It worked because at the time we had identical skills , and work needed us , so they agreed to it but it was a very local arrangement . These days there is little to no regard for family life , although they pay lip service to the idea , the practicality is that they quote ‘business needs ‘ and that’s enough. Be prepared to miss a chunk of almost every Christmas and New Year . I’m now off for Christmas , the first one in 8 years . The last 5 have been night duties . I had to book this leave last year , to get it this year, and I’m still back there at 7am on Boxing Day to start again . You will start on shift work, and if a job comes in last minute , you will not get home on time , because obviously you can’t just leave it till the next day if someone’s in custody or at risk . If you enjoy seeing just how far you can push your body to stay awake , then this is the job for you . You will miss school plays , concerts , sports days , because even your rest days will be cancelled for various reasons , not all of which will be emergencies .

If you think you can cope with all that , then go for it ! There is no other job like it , anywhere . I couldn’t imagine doing anything else .

BerylStreep · 15/12/2017 10:13

I think a lot depends on what family support you have in place. Childcare for shift working is very difficult to find.

KingLooieCatz · 15/12/2017 10:15

DH is a police officer. He works 3 weekends out of 5. On his previous shift pattern every third week DS and I didn't see him from Sunday evening to Friday evening.

However, many weekdays DH is off and can take DS to school, and be there to collect DS when school comes out, no childcare required those days and DS is more relaxed and can be ferried to after school activities, which we couldn't manage when we both worked more standard hours. When DH is off during the week I make up my hours and leave in time to collect Ds from school another day. I'm actually trying to persuade DH to stay on shift work until DS is at high school.

LunasSpectreSpecs · 15/12/2017 10:18

I know two mums who are Police Officers - one is a widow and has been since her kids are young, the other's DH is an officer too.

Both have had issues with childcare. It's often not the job where you can just clock off at the end of your shift and leave. One regularly has to go to court as a witness, and that often changes at short notice. Over time, both have changed roles to more back-office functions within the Police which isn't the front line on the beat shift work.

grannytomine · 15/12/2017 10:21

I think it would be hard to join with a baby, it is a bit different for women who have a few years service and maybe a chance of a stint on something other than the full shift system. I'm a few years out of date so not sure about residential courses when you are a probationer, have you looked at that?

scurryfunge · 15/12/2017 10:30

Granny, I think the majority of forces have dispensed with residential training now.

grannytomine · 15/12/2017 10:32

Thanks scurryfunge, that is one big obstacle out of the way. I'm from the days of multiple residentials and the biggest horror of all, 7 straight nights leaving people looking like the walking dead.

sashh · 15/12/2017 10:33

My brother's first day as a PC was the morning after his first child was born. Child's mother is a nurse so 2 x shift work.

Their first child was not looked after by anyone who wasn't a parent until she was 3, parents didn't see each other much though.

His children have grown up having one or both parents working Xmas day, which has probably been good for them as they have taken on part time jobs doing things like waiting tables Xmas day.

Original poster

Fairylights29 · 15/12/2017 10:43

Thank you for all your comments some really interesting points to weigh up. My DH is very involved and would probably like to do more of the 'primary' parenting. We also have really good family so I think it would be acheivable. Its not really front line policing I'm interested in it's really a means to get in and to move into different areas but I know there are no guarantees on that front. I guess it comes down to if I can cope with the feeling of missing out especially because I've always worked office jobs but I know alot of people do it and manage

OP posts:

scurryfunge · 15/12/2017 10:47

Good luck, Fairy, it's a cracking job.

Redglitter · 15/12/2017 10:48

You won't necessarily miss out. Remember you'll have days off during the week and would be starting and finishing at different times. There's a few mum's on my shift who manage fine with the shift hours

Best of luck if you go for it

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