Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I was having a wobble about not sending my child to a ‘better’ school and then......

50 replies

BasinHaircut · 14/12/2017 10:25

Yesterday I learned that the girls are not allowed to wear trousers.

What the actual fuck?!

I shunned the most desirable school in our area (also our closest school) when picking which ones to put down on the form last year, because the headteacher was the most stuck up and smug woman I have ever met. I also just didn’t get a good ‘feeling’ as I walked around the school.

DS is perfectly happy where he is and seems to be doing well there so far. However I recently had a wobble when looking up results for the schools and seeing how far ahead the ‘better’ school was.

But then yesterday I found out the above and it just made me feel like I’d made the right choice.

OP posts:
ditzychick34 · 14/12/2017 10:30

What's your AIBU?

steff13 · 14/12/2017 10:34

So, you were feeling upset that you chose a school that wasn't as good academically as another school in the area, but then you discovered that the "better" school doesn't let girls wear trousers, so now you're ok with it? Is that correct?

g1itterati · 14/12/2017 10:36

Another thread about girls and trousers in school - yes / no? The last one was deleted.

MuseumOfCurry · 14/12/2017 10:37

I'm probably the last living dinosaur left who doesn't care about this.

I should probably be shot now.

DeleteOrDecay · 14/12/2017 11:03

It sounds like you made the right choice op. Not because girls aren't allowed to wear trousers (although these days such rules shouldn't be allowed), but because it just didn't feel 'right' to you. I'm sure your dc will do just fine at the current school.

sirfredfredgeorge · 14/12/2017 11:08

The results are because of selection through rules, not because of better teaching.

You were right to avoid.

Original poster
BasinHaircut · 14/12/2017 11:35

NOT upset steff, but just wondering if I had made the right choice for DS based on my gut feeling rather than hard facts IYSWIM.

sirfred no it’s just a normal school, so only criteria is siblings/distance etc.

It’s ‘the school’ to try and get your kids into apparently, and that put me off before I’d even set foot in the place. Not just because of achievement (it’s not the best in the area by that measure), but because of the local attitude amoung a certain set if that makes any sense? I hate all of that so my instinct is to do the opposite.

Then I met the head and some of the other prospective parents on an open day and it was exactly how I’d imagined and I didn’t like it. But I know people who have/had kids there and they all seem to like it and the kids done well etc.

I’m new to school stuff so the trouser thing is a new one on me, sorry if it’s been done to death. It just reinforces that feeling that it’s more about image and a sense of superiority than just being a lovely environment for the kids.

OP posts:
ImAMarshmellow · 14/12/2017 11:47

Why are you concerned what the girls wear when you have a son?

Nikephorus · 14/12/2017 12:00

Maybe OP will soon have a thread where he decides he's a girl but one that wants to wear trousers.....

TinklyLittleLaugh · 14/12/2017 12:07

Why are you concerned what the girls wear when you have a son?

Really? That's like saying why are you bothered about racism , homophobia and disablism if you are a straight white healthy person?

I get you OP, we also shunned the desirable school because we didn't get a good feeling about it. Our son is absolutely thriving at the school we chose and we are getting a certain sense of satisfaction from it.

sirfredfredgeorge · 14/12/2017 12:26

It’s ‘the school’ to try and get your kids into apparently, and that put me off before I’d even set foot in the place. Not just because of achievement (it’s not the best in the area by that measure), but because of the local attitude amoung a certain set if that makes any sense

Yes, that's how selection by rules works, because only parents who are both willing to adhere to the rules (restrictive uniform policy and whatever else) and jump through the admission hoops - move nearer for eldest child, pay more to live near for the school etc. are the ones who "care" about academic achievement at primary school.

This removes all parents who aren't interested in their children, or don't believe spending more is worth it, or don't believe academic results are the only criteria. It also ensures parental wealth is higher with the students, which will also strongly correlate with attainment.

These parents will also be involved enough to intervene if there are any issues, and clued up enough to ensure help is available and issues are identified in SEN etc.

Basically the school is rigged to get good results, even if the teaching is average.

Original poster
BasinHaircut · 14/12/2017 12:28

Was just coming on to post a response to marshmellow but I see tinkly has covered it.

It’s not really about the trousers, it’s about the attitude.

OP posts:
manicinsomniac · 14/12/2017 12:32

Girl's don't wear trousers where I work. Younger boys don't either, they wear shorts.

But whether or not it's a case of literally 'not allowed' I don't know. A school lists its uniform. Parents buy it. I suppose, if a parent said that they wanted their child to wear a different part of the uniform, they might be allowed to. I don't think anybody's anti girls in trousers, the uniform has just never been changed.

It's worth asking if your child can wear trousers if you really want the school in every other way.

Original poster
BasinHaircut · 14/12/2017 12:34

Yes I suppose so sirfred, although we do live close enough to get in (just).

We do also care about DS’s achievement academically, but it’s not the only or most important thing when you are 4 years old and in primary school generally IMO. I’m also not interested in the ‘prestige’ associated with having my children in a certain school.

Although I do understand you weren’t implying that I don’t give a shite about my child’s future, you were just making a general point (I hope!).

OP posts:
RestingGrinchFace · 14/12/2017 12:36

Yes, because wearing trousers is far more important than the quality of education Hmm

Nyx1 · 14/12/2017 12:38

yes, it's a very strange way of thinking when they won't allow girls to wear trousers and I'm glad to hear someone is looking at this when they don't have a DD.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 14/12/2017 12:39

I couldn't bear a school that had strictly gendered uniforms. In fact, I find rigid uniform rules needlessly draconian. If I ran a school they would all be dressed for comfort - probably in tracksuits in winter! Hoodies allowed if the hood is down inside! No ties! No tights!

HamishBamish · 14/12/2017 12:39

It's of course up to you, but I wouldn't exclude a school on the basis my daughter couldn't wear trousers. I would choose the school which was best for my child academically.

Most schools we looked at had strict uniform criteria and thinking back, I don't think any had a uniform including trousers for girls. Perhaps that will change in the future.

BlackeyedSusan · 14/12/2017 12:42

no, it is the attitude of the HT that is more important,

I suspect there are a lot of things that will put people off. I was nearly put off dd's school due to uniform costs. (PE kit costing £100 pounds, minimum, more for boys, uniform being mostly only available in school shops. )

it is supposedly a really good school but the local innercity comp has kids who behave significantly better going to and from school.

Silvergran68 · 14/12/2017 12:44

Doesn't the no trousers rule exclude Moslem girls?

Nyx1 · 14/12/2017 12:49

I don't know about if it excludes any groups but the fact that it's the 21st century and some schools won't allow girls to wear trousers is just so insane. If a religious group is exempt and allowed to wear them for that reason, that seems even more weird in many ways.

You're allowed to be of a certain religion and want to wear trousers but otherwise not. What?!

Mummyoflittledragon · 14/12/2017 12:52

It’s a primary school. The most important thing right now is that he’s happy and comfortable. You can think again if this doesn’t prove to be the case. Remember you’re an engaged mum and that goes a long way.

Ofthread · 14/12/2017 12:54

www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/Moslem

Original poster
BasinHaircut · 14/12/2017 13:01

hamish we didn’t exclude the school because of the uniform rules, I didn’t know about them when we were selecting schools. It was all of the things I’ve said in the posts above about the attitude and general feeling of the place. I just thought the trouser thing odd and it reinforced my view of the place.

OP posts:
blackteasplease · 14/12/2017 13:02

My dd's school is like this. It annoys me but she doesn't care.

Swipe left for the next trending thread