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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I was having a wobble about not sending my child to a ‘better’ school and then......

50 replies

BasinHaircut · 14/12/2017 10:25

Yesterday I learned that the girls are not allowed to wear trousers.

What the actual fuck?!

I shunned the most desirable school in our area (also our closest school) when picking which ones to put down on the form last year, because the headteacher was the most stuck up and smug woman I have ever met. I also just didn’t get a good ‘feeling’ as I walked around the school.

DS is perfectly happy where he is and seems to be doing well there so far. However I recently had a wobble when looking up results for the schools and seeing how far ahead the ‘better’ school was.

But then yesterday I found out the above and it just made me feel like I’d made the right choice.

OP posts:
JemimaLovesHamble · 14/12/2017 13:08

I would avoid any school that said my dd couldn't wear trousers. Wearing skirts is limiting to a child's freedom. It's the start of girls being told they must sit a different way to boys, must be careful of keeping their knees together and keeping an eye on their clothing to adjust it when necessary, and they can't play certain games because their clothing doesn't allow it. There was a thread here just recently about a girl who got told off for doing gymnastics in the playground in a skirt, "flashing her underwear" at the boys. It is a big deal.

AlexanderHamilton · 14/12/2017 13:21

I took Ds out of the best performing school in the county as the atmosphere was not good & the attitude of the senior management was we are too good for you.

Ds is so much happier.

Pengggwn · 14/12/2017 13:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AlexanderHamilton · 14/12/2017 15:23

I care more about my son's mental health.

YoloSwaggins · 14/12/2017 15:49

@Alexander, with you there.

I went to a school that was academically great but had a really nasty, smug and pretentious atmosphere. It was horrible. I spent 4 years counting down the days to uni. Academics is not the be all and end all, I probably would have been a lot happier in a comp that was more friendly. If you're smart you'll probably do well regardless.

Pengggwn · 14/12/2017 18:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AlexanderHamilton · 14/12/2017 19:04

A bad ethos can completely destroy a child's mental health. I got my Ds out. There are kids still there who I see are in right states begging to leave but their parents want them at the 'best' school.

Pengggwn · 14/12/2017 19:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BarbaraofSevillle · 14/12/2017 19:18

The school needs to be suited to the DC, who will probably do better in the 'less good' school if that is what suits them better.

Going to the best school doesn't necessarily guarantee the best results if the atmosphere/culture/ethos isn't right for the student.

On the matter of uniform, it should be non discriminatory and weather appropriate so no ridiculous rules like girls can't wear trousers, blazers and/or jumpers have to be worn in summer or boys have to wear long trousers in summer with no option of shorts (or skirts), when girls can wear skirts or dresses.

AlexanderHamilton · 14/12/2017 19:39

Academic doesn't always mean bad. But in the OP's example the best school had an ethos she didn't like & in my son's case the academic selective school got its results at the expense of the children's well being.

My dh is a teacher & his school strives for the best standards possible but never at the expense of the child.

Pengggwn · 14/12/2017 19:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Angrybird345 · 16/12/2017 09:42

Girls not allowed to wear trousers.... wow, how traumatic for them, after all this is fairly new as they were never allowed in my day and we all survived..... precious darlings....

Twitchingdog · 16/12/2017 09:57

OMG Angrybird you must be really really old and should be posting on gransnet as I went to school on the 70s and was allowed to wear them

Fortybingowings · 16/12/2017 10:02

Academic excellence isn’t the be all and end all. DH pointed out to me that my education (albeit expensive and excellent) led me to move to the other side of the country to my family (university) and into a career that’s made me miserable! He’s right. Happiness and local school here for mine. We will worry about tutoring etc if I spot that they’re not progressing with the three Rs etc

DeleteOrDecay · 16/12/2017 10:26

Girls not allowed to wear trousers.... wow, how traumatic for them, after all this is fairly new as they were never allowed in my day and we all survived..... precious darlings....

Oh, shut up.

MyDcAreMarvel · 16/12/2017 10:28

I would not send my dd's to a school that lets girls wear trousers. They look scruffy and where I live at least, the standards are lower in the schools that wear polo shirts and trousers.

BarbaraofSevillle · 16/12/2017 10:58

So girls should be cold in winter and not be practically dressed for outside play Marvel. But's it's OK as long as you think they look smart?

DeleteOrDecay · 16/12/2017 11:04

Do you think boys look scruffy in trousers too marvel?

littlepeas · 16/12/2017 11:12

Girls don't wear trousers at my dc's school - it really is no reflection on the school, which has exceptional pastoral care (the reason we chose it). I didn't give the uniform a second thought tbh.

MyDcAreMarvel · 16/12/2017 11:13

No Barbara there is this great invention called tights.
Delete at my dc school they wear shorts , I think they are smarter than trousers, but they do get cold so should be choice.

HuskyMcClusky · 16/12/2017 11:14

None of the best schools around here allow girls to wear trousers.

. I don’t see the issue.

Only1scoop · 16/12/2017 11:15

My dc is doing well and happy at school
And happily wears a skirt Shock

littlepeas · 16/12/2017 12:39

Surely tights are warmer anyway, as they are next to the skin?

g1itterati · 16/12/2017 13:02

I have never come across a primary school that allows girls to wear trousers. The exception would be on the days they wear pe kit to go in. Trousers are just not on the uniform list for girls or available in the school shop. I have 4 DC and have never heard this issue mentioned once.

BarbaraofSevillle · 16/12/2017 13:02

Well I've never found tights to be warmer than trousers and they're fiddly when getting dressed and going to the toilet. Trousers much easier.

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