To ask if you get evening "downtime" with your OH?

[FGSholdthedoor]

If you have young DC do you manage to have any downtime with your OH on a regular day?

We have a toddler who's been a good sleeper so in that respect for the past year and a bit he goes to bed at 7pm on the dot and me and DP have had the evenings to ourselves wether it's just to relax and watch a movie or sort bits around the house. It really helped me to know that evening time was there.

We now also have a newborn (only 2 weeks) and I'm getting little bouts of anxiety and keep thinking we will never have that time again - or at least not any time soon.

AIBU to ask if you get that time and if you do how did you manage to work it around the DCs?

DS is almost 4 and DD is 11 months.

Most nights the kids are asleep by 7.30pm so we have that time onwards till we go to bed at 9 to ourselves.

Mostly spent staring into space though, exhausted

Two weeks is so young op, you'll get there!

We have a 2 yr old and a 12wk old. We did a bedtime routine from 8 wks and it’s generally worked, Bath, boob, bed at 7, feed at 10pm - currently watching Masterchef on the sofa with DP! We need our evenings!

Less so now they're teens, but I still get an hour or two.

Not really, we do try and have one or two evenings a month where the kids get packed up to bed early with a movie so we can enjoy some peace i.e. get pissed and YouTube retro music.

Looking back it was actually easier when the kids were younger, the 4yo goes to bed between 7/8pm but now the eldest is 11yo he sits with us until 9/9.30pm and we're in bed by 10.30 at the latest

We were the same, when ds2 came along we really missed that child free time in the evening.

But now ds2 is 8 months and both of them are in bed by 7 (closer to 8 for the older one as he likes to string out his bedtime).

Ds2 used to stay up til midnight in the early days but gradually he pulled his bedtime back so it was around 9pm at 4 months and now 7pm for the last 2 months.

Try and start a routine of sorts at bedtime so baby gets used to it, fc your baby will get there soon enough.

No advice sorry, but wanted to say that I will be in the same boat next month! We have a toddler who sleeps brilliantly at night and are expect dc2 in January.

We have a 15 week old so no and probably won't for a while!

We're expecting DS2 in Feb and I'm already mourning the loss of my evenings. DS1 is 11 months and has consistently gone down before 8pm for months though so it'll hopefully be short lived. You'll get there, OP

Zero
2 teens
They stay up later than we do .

You will get the time back. I felt the same when DS2 was born (DS1 was 20 months but slept well) and we had zero routine. He is now 8 months and a pretty shit sleeper general but does go down and sleep reliably between 7pm and midnight. He has probably done that since 4 months ish?

We both have hobbies that mean we don't get every evening together but we would if that wasn't the case.

We have a 9 month old and he’s in bed by 6.30pm (6pm tonight!) and we have our evenings to ourselves. This has been the state of affairs since he was about 3 months old. We have had a solid bed time routine from day 1 and moved him into his own room and sleep trained at 5 months.

We rarely did. It didn't/doesn't bother us.

Now that my terminally ill MIL is living in the sitting room. 0% of any time.

I hope the people saying their 4 month old babies are sleeping OK are right!
DS1 is a fantastic sleeper but the first months he was like velcro and we had to co sleep in order for anyone to get some shut eye.

DS2 is clingy also but we have a snuz pod ATM and he seems generally OK to be put down for a little bit longer than DS1 did.

Not sure how early and how to start establishing a routine for him so we can reclaim some of our evenings back. I keep scaring myself thinking he will end up being a terrible sleeper and I won't have any down time for years to come

How did you sleep train @Mouse510 ?

No. DC are 5 and 3. DH works full time. I work PT and I am studying for another degree PT.

We generally run around like crazy from getting home until half 9. He then works in the dining room and I am in office either planning (teacher) or studying. Bedtime at half 10.

PILs are great and we generally get an evening out to ourselves once every 3 months or so. No other family available. PILs are 2 hours away so quite a trek. I would not be comfortable with a babysitter.

Life just feels so repetitive and exhausting but it was our choice.

Yes it'll come back. Our youngest hated noise/any light in the evening so we put her up to bed at 7:30 from 5 weeks just feeding her when she woke up so you might get your evening back quicker than you think.

Now the eldest is 11 the big 2 often stay up till 9 with us Downstairs so we only get 2 hours-ish, some evenings I'm happy with that and even later at the weekends but at least once a week I put my foot down and send them up at 7:30 but I do let them take their screens upstairs for a couple of hours as some consolation! Helps too that sometimes dh and I are off together midweek when kids are at school.

Yeah, it gets harder when they are teens.

It's a very rare evening when we haven't got at least one teen with us.

Sometimes I send them up and tell them I need some time alone with DH but they are still up and down.

Very little actual downtime as seem to spend a chunk of each evening doing chores/clearing up from the day. Probably an hour in front of tv and 10 mins chatting when we get onto bed. 2 toddler good sleepers. No 3 due to arrive soon though
..

@FGSholdthedoor we used the Ferber method - ie settle him go out, wait 2 mins, go back and rub tummy, give a kiss go out again, wait 4 mins, back in, wait 8 mins etc. He was always asleep before 4 minutes was up! I also stopped feeding him to sleep and gave him his last feed at the start of our bedtime routine.

If you are on Facebook there is a great group called “Respectful Sleep Training/Learning” that I found really useful.

Yes we do and we have 5DC so I'm sure you'll get back there OP.

Things are always a bit up in the air for a while when you have a tiny baby in the house but it doesn't last forever.

primary aged child, 1 year old and 4 month old, we have time to ourselves from 9pm from the elder two/housework, the youngest is just a matter of feeding and holding but it still feels like downtime, it gets easier as they get older.

the 1 year old is 17 months btw, our gap is small but not that small!

I have DD2 who is 10 ( bed at 8:30, up and down till asleep around 11), DD1 is 13 (bed around 9:30, asleep around 10). DH away 3 nights a week, but even when he is home we rarely have time alone, I have given up!

Yes we have downtime together but only because we made the kids routine fit around us

DC's are in bed by 8pm and we make sure we have a 'date night' each month without the kids, with a newborn I think your relationship will have to go on the back burner for a little while and I'm sure your DH will be able to understand that.