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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To hate my house?

73 replies

Microwaved111 · 13/12/2017 15:27

I'm not sure what I'm looking for here, maybe to vent maybe to see if anyone else feels the same.

Basically I hate my house. It's our first house we bought it 2.5 years ago and I just hate it for so many reasons but I'll try to list a few

it's a two bed and tiny no space for anything anywhere
bathroom was half finished when we bought it and we've done our best but it just looks awful and it's so embarrassing.

-carpet up the stairs and landing is awful

we replaced all Windows and doors with double glazing but the house is still cold and we get so much condensation and mould!
horrible laminate flooring downstairs that makes an already cold room even more freezing
kitchen is tiny and there is no room for anything. Previous owners replaced kitchen but it hasn't been fitted properly and is just a mess.
garden is tiny but has a huge summer house in the back which blocks the sun during the summer.
the decking was rotten when we moved in (only found that our when dp fell through it)

There are loads more things I could go on all day. It's basically a mess and I'm embarrassed to have people over. We don't have the money to fix it all. We bought the house thinking it was lovley but once you move in and the previous owners furniture and stuff was all gone and you look at it in the cold light of day and you realise it is crap!!!

I want to move but we can't afford to so we just have to make do, but it gets me down that it is so awful!

Has anyone else been in this situation?

OP posts:

InternetHoopJumper · 14/12/2017 12:22

Yes, it may be first world propblems, but the issue here is not the house. You had expectations and probably put up a good deal of money to buy it and moving is always a hassle, no matter large or small you live. I can understand you were disappointed and the previous owners clearly lied about the state of the house and the amount maintenance required.

I second the decluttering suggestions made by a lot of posters. You'll love your house a lot more with less stuff in it. We really need probably only a third of everything we own. I have been decluttering on and off for the past year. I am far from done, but I found that I even have storage space left in my tiny appartment and I never dreamed that was possible.

Furthermore, there are a shit-tonne of websites and Youtube channels devoted to low- or no-cost DIY solutions to small annoyances that can really add up and make you hate where you live. I find that trying and implementing these solutions is a lot of fun. Some of the tips are rubbish, but I take that with the good and it has become a hobby of mine.

It sucks that your husband has no interest in getting involved, but how about the kids? I used to love painting and hanging new wallpaper with my mother, who is a real expert in it. Little projects to make your living areas better can be a real bonding experience.

Good luck, I hope yo manage to find way to improve. The little things is usually where it is at. For the rest you are just going to have to save up and tackle one at the time.

InternetHoopJumper · 14/12/2017 12:26

I forgot to add, that you might want to check out this thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/3102442-Freezing-cold-house-and-we-are-poor-Help

It's so full of good tips. I have implemented some of them in my own house to save on energy. I may not be poor, but I feel it's wasteful to heat my house unnecessarily.

brogueish · 14/12/2017 12:35

OP I could have written your post. We bought ours 4 yrs ago and although we have done work to it (decorated, new bathroom, double glazing throughout), there's still so much that we just haven't got round to. Now pregnant and due in June, which has added a shot of urgency! Our plan is to extend the kitchen (currently a galley), creating a utility/office room and to make much better use of the space. Our summer house also needs to be dismantled and removed. It feels so overwhelming but needs must. I totally agree with the feelings of having made a terrible mistake and just really hating the house. But you can do something about it.

Some great tips on here, thank you for starting the thread.

Knittedbreasts · 14/12/2017 12:42

It's a shame it's too outing to post pics of the rooms, we could have offered ideas. I know how you feel. I have felt similarly. Hold in there and make small changes

Bootikin · 14/12/2017 12:55

You don't have a house problem, you have a DP problem. Owning a house brings responsibility for maintaining it at least. The fact your house needs work means you have an opportunity to add value. There are lots of great ideas on here. Seize the opportunity, come on!

Nb: changing your radiators for much larger ones will cost about £100 per rad plus plumbers time, it will drastically increase the warmth of each room.

Original poster

Microwaved111 · 14/12/2017 13:04

I am completely up for doing whatever I can to change the state of my house. However I have just had a baby so it is quite hard to fit in big projects. I will just do little things for now until I have more time.

It's dp who doesn't want to get involved in making our house somewhere that we could potentially stay for a long time and be very happy. He's just lazy.

OP posts:

Original poster

Microwaved111 · 14/12/2017 13:10

I've bought a dehumidifier and I've called someone to come and take a look at the dishwasher which has been broken for 5 months.

Small steps

OP posts:

InternetHoopJumper · 14/12/2017 13:22

I did not realise you have a baby in the house. That makes the situation far more complicated. Your husband needs a good kick up his behind, the lazy sod.

hollowtree · 14/12/2017 13:26

No tips I'm afraid! But mine is the same and I am also on maternity leave. I just leave the house everyday... it's a great alternative but costs a fortune in lunch

MatildaTheCat · 14/12/2017 13:39

Can you store some items in the summerhouse to free up some space? And get rid of all and any stuff you don’t want or need. Tell everyone not to buy big items for Christmas.

Is there any chance of extending your mortgage by a small amount to cover some of the repairs? The bathroom should cost much if it’s mainly cosmetic. The damp sounds very much like condensation which is cured by adequate ventilation. In our rental property we installed a positive air flow ventilation system and it was like magic.

And write a list of things that need to be done, actually two lists. One for things that need professional help and another that are diy projects. Then kick dhs ass and remind him he needs to protect his investment!

EastDulwichWife · 14/12/2017 13:46

Put a dehumidifier on your Christmas list! That and some hanging condensation collectors (they sit on clothes hangers and live in the wardrobe) worked wonders in our place. Also, once you slurp up some of that moisture in the air, you should find the house feels warmer more quickly.

We also got a Karcher window vac (refurbed about £20 on their website) and vac the windows in the bedrooms each morning. Makes a huge difference.

Decking is super cheap to replace because you've already got the framework. Just buy the boards and get DH to screw them all down as a gift for you giving birth! Flog the ummer house (we got £100 for our small one, and they collected), and use the money to buy paint and bathroom sealant for the bathroom. If you've got a dodgy bathroom floor there are some really decent linos out there.

Having a rickety house you've fallen out of love with is horrid. But look on the bright side - you have a home! It's fine to hate it, but I bet you could turn it around with some elbow grease. Can you drop the baby off with grandparents for one night and dedicate 2 full days to a clear out and paint? YOU CAN DO IT

mogloveseggs · 14/12/2017 13:53

No advice for how to
Improve your home but we live on a new build estate in a tiny 3 bed (we rent) but some of the neighbours who have big houses and I thought I was jealous have confessed to badly fitted windows, boiler issues, problems with stairs the list goes on. It’s cost them thousands to fix their issues. I would never buy a new build now.

notangelinajolie · 14/12/2017 14:04

You sound like me. We've been here longer than that and I still can't call this place home. We don't intend to stay here forever - we bought it improve and make money so it helps if I keep reminding myself of that. You can do things to improve it without spending lots of money. Do a deep clean, get a de-humidifier and some air freshener. Tidy the garden. A fresh coat of paint will help. And then after that target the bathroom as a priority - it will add value and make you feel a whole lot better, there is nothing better than a lovely soak in your own bath.

Mammyloveswine · 14/12/2017 15:01

I could have written this myself. Ours is a 3 bed but bloody tiny and no storage... so much so that the spare room is a bloody dumping ground! My dad went into it yesterday and went mad... appsrently I'm a disgrace and he's going to report me to social services because I shouldn't have stuff dumped in there... hardly like the rest of the house is a tip! It's actually quite nice looking on a good day, just far too small! Currently trying to do it up bit by bit and hopefully be in a position to sell in a couple of years, probs when I go back full time to work when my boys are in school... I'll be on a decent salary then so we can focus on getting our forever home!

Original poster

Microwaved111 · 14/12/2017 15:20

I've been having a look through some of our stuff (crap) to see what I can sell...cook books that have never been used, loads of tealight holders I never use and things like that.

I suppose it will get rid of clutter and also raise a bit of cash to maybe put into getting one thing sorted off the list.

Thank you everyone for the suggestions and help I do feel a bit better about it all now. I feel like if I plan to sort out one thing at a time at least I will feel like I am getting things done. 0

OP posts:

Gyoza · 14/12/2017 22:19

How old is your house? Was the mould a problem before you put the double glazing in?

It might be worth seeing if there are any organisations / charities local to you that do free energy audits. There’s one near us that will come out and inspect your home and give you tips on how to improve energy efficiency and improve ventilation to prevent mould.

catbasilio · 15/12/2017 11:40

I was like that in my old house. It was beautiful to look at (Victorian) but everything needed fixing. I lived there for 5 years having nightmares how it is going to crack up and fall down. Everything needed doing up and would cost thousands.

After 5 years, sold up and bought 1960s unique "box", which is more spacious, laid out better and needs doing nothing unless I want to spruce up, A big relief!! Also was cheaper by £20k as not Victorian and not "sought after".

Needless to say the move made my life much easier.

WipsGlitter · 15/12/2017 14:07

I've the same with DP just doesn't care about asthetics. It's all liveable to him whereas it's dated and scruffy to me!! I just went ahead and did stuff!!!

mirime · 15/12/2017 15:41

Double glazing in older properties can exacerbate condensation problems. As others have said a dehumidifier can really help - make sure you get a decent one, ours is an ebac, cost £250 and has been worth every penny. It's been keeping us warmer and dryer for 10 years now.

Loonoonow · 15/12/2017 15:51

De-cluttering is great. It will make the house look better and you will feel more in control and positive.

And don't get too envious about people living in lovely new builds. We've had them and whilst they can be lovely they come with their very own problems.

My Dhnis also oblivious to decor/maintenance problems (I think they overwhelm him) but he certainly appreciates it when they are all sorted out.

Coldhandscoldheart · 17/12/2017 08:59

I’m in a similar position, including mat leave with baby & toddler.
Along with the great advice here, the other thing I am trying to do is manage my expectations if what I can do in a day.
So if I achieve one thing, that’s a win. This week the things have been
Day 1) go to b&q and buy pipe lagging
Day 2) get lagging out of the car & straight into the cupboard.

That’s what I mean by small things. Other days were getting some vacuuming done, one day involved scrubbing the kitchen floor (crying) because I dropped a jar of silver polish. On the plus side that also cleaned the under sink cupboard at the same time.

JustDanceAddict · 17/12/2017 09:11

I get it.
I wouldn’t say I hate my house but we moved in 3.5 years ago as there was nothing else on the market we could afford in the surrounding area that suited our needs. I feel dh railroaded me in to buying it saying we’d lose our buyers. He would deny this btw!
We are trying to make a few improvements which will hopefully enhance the space but due to its layout we can’t really do anything structurally.
If I were you I would make the improvements you most need, to the areas visitors will see and would keep heat in (flooring?).
I think we will move eventually once children have left school (so 4-5 years?) depending on finances.

MrsMoastyToasty · 17/12/2017 09:23

DP needs reminding that owning a house is much like owning a car. It needs maintenance on a regular basis to ensure that it operates properly. So it needs to be dry and warm otherwise you will start getting more serious problems like rotten timbers. Didn’t your survey highlight any of the issues that you have mentioned?

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