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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give DS2 something that belongs to DS1?

38 replies

AliPfefferman · 13/12/2017 15:09

I have two DSs, aged 8 and 4. The 8-Year-old has a kids watch that he got as a gift last year. It’s a cute thing and he enjoyed it when he first got it but now he rarely wears it. One of his Christmas presents will be an activity tracker watch (knockoff Fitbit), which I know he will LOVE.

The problem is that my younger DS reeallly wants a watch. He’s the perfect age for the watch his older brother has, and he would absolutely love it. Unfortunately it costs £50 to buy a new one. It makes me sick to think of buying a new one when there’s a perfectly good one sitting in my house unused.

But— how do I sell this to DS1? And is it fair to give DS2 a Christmas gift that’s not brand new? He gets so many hand-me-downs, although generally he likes them. Maybe his brother could give it to him for Christmas from him...? But then I’d have to tell DS1 about the one he’s getting in advance.

How do I handle this??

OP posts:
SouthWindsWesterly · 13/12/2017 15:14

Offer to buy it. Your older DS will understand but maybe you should sell it that you’re selling it to someone else.so they can’t throw it back to you to DS. And make the price fair to both.

lastqueenofscotland · 13/12/2017 15:18

I think if your DS1 is getting a brand new item giving DS2 a handmedown is a bit unfair

Aridane · 13/12/2017 15:20

I like the idea of having older brother give to younger brother as a present - but on basis older brother isn't using it rather than he is getting something better himself

PaintingByNumbers · 13/12/2017 15:26

Cant you just give it him later on? Are you very short of money? If so, yes, the gift from older brother idea, otherwise, really, its not great is it?

Lackingimagination6 · 13/12/2017 15:28

Watches don't have to cost fifty quid. I'm not sure most kids would know the difference between a fifty quid and ten quid watch.

SandLand · 13/12/2017 15:34

I dont think you can gift it to DS2, but could pass it on.

TeenTimesTwo · 13/12/2017 15:34

Agree. I wouldn't give a 4 year old (or an 8 year old) a £50 watch.

Anyway why not:

  • give 8yo the new thing
  • in a couple of months ask if he still needs/wants the old watch
  • if he doesn't want it, take it away, and then when 4yo can actually tell the time properly, pass on the watch.

We have a 5 year gap. Hand downs have always gone via me. Stops DD1 passing on 'inappropriate' things to DD2 and separates DD1 not needing from the DD2 receiving.

Generally, DD2 ends up with more than DD1, but a lot of it is pre-owned.

AdalindSchade · 13/12/2017 15:35

Buy DS2 a cheap watch! Why would you spend £50?

stickytoffeevodka · 13/12/2017 15:38

I wouldn't give a 4yo a £50 watch!

Can he even tell the time yet? Just get him a cheap character one from Argos or a toy shop.

BestZebbie · 13/12/2017 15:39

I'm interested in how you managed to find a kid's watch worth £50!

The highest Argos reaches is £35, almost all are less than £20 (I appreciate that there are classier shops than Argos, but still, the specification of "cute" and "child's watch" suggests we aren't talking real gold etc here).

Pickleypickles · 13/12/2017 15:53

I think speak to older son about it and of older son wants to give it to younger son as xmas present from him then thats lovely Smile
I think YWBU to just take it off older son and give it to younger one withoutasking him first.

SadClown · 13/12/2017 15:53

I think the point is that the younger boy would see any other watch as inferior so having this watch second hand would be better than having a different watch which is brand new?
I also like the idea of his big brother giving it to him, could you tell your ds1 that you'll sort something out for him in the new year sales and surprise him on Christmas Day?

GeekyWombat · 13/12/2017 15:54

Is this the VTech Smart Watch thing? If so, there were a few places that had it reduced in the last month or so (we bought one to put away for DD’s birthday in a 3 for 2 with the DC’s ‘big’ gifts from Argos). I think it might be in the Boots 3 for 2 gift thing too. Worth a look - even if you know local mums who might split the saving with you across a couple of other items?

Silverthorn · 13/12/2017 16:04

You may have to wait for ds2 birthday and pitch the idea to ds1 then? Do not take ds1 things.

Jux · 13/12/2017 16:20

I think you can do this, though it might work better if ds1 gives it to ds2. I know I’d have been delighted to have my big bro’s watch that he’d grown out of, I loved his bike, most of his clothes, some of his toys etc.....

You can describe as a family heirloom! Ds2 will be able to pass it on to his children and so on. Get ds2 something special from you, and let tell ds1 that he’s getting one much better so can he give it to ds2 who will love him forever for it.

AtlanticWaves · 13/12/2017 16:31

I've bought my 3 year old a lovely watch on Amazon - for 10 euros. He can't tell the time but us desperate for a watch like his DBro has.

No way would I let my boys wear a 50 pound watch.

YellowMakesMeSmile · 13/12/2017 16:53

I don't think it's fair to take his possessions and give them. Also why are subsequent children not worthy of their own new gifts?

Original poster
AliPfefferman · 14/12/2017 23:09

Thanks for the replies and sorry for my tardy response, we’ve been hit with a stomach bug. :(. This is helpful. To answer a few questions:

The watch was a gift from a generous relative. It’s a “kidizoom” — it looks like a kiddie Apple Watch and has a camera, games, etc. It may have cost less when new but it seems to not really be available now so amazon may have raised the price. Maybe I could get it cheaper but even £30 would be annoying when we already have it!

I’m well aware there are cute cheaper watches out there but my younger DS has been eyeing this one for a long time, and I know he would adore it. I honestly think he really more about the bells and whistles than the actual time function. It would feel mean to buy him a cheap watch when I know this is what he has in mind.

Money is not tight, actually, but I still hate to waste it, especially on expensive plastic tat. Also, DS2 will be getting many, MANY lovely brand new gifts of his very own. I know he will like all of his gifts but I think he would LOVE this stupid watch that is currently gathering dust.

With all this in mind, AIBU to find a way to get the watch from DS1 to DS2? I think buying it from DS1 who would probably sell it for a half hour of iPad time and a pack of match attax is a good suggestion. Then it’s like an extra bonus gift for each of them.

OP posts:
OP posts:
Snortles · 14/12/2017 23:28

My DSs are of similar age (8 and 5). I've realized over the years Ds2 shows more interest in what he inherits from DS1 than new things, esp toys. I don't know if they have sentimental value or it's because they help him feel all grown up.

He's an easygoing kid and idolises DS1. I'm sure your DS2 wouldn't mind his older brother's watch if he is anything like mine.

SistersOfPercy · 14/12/2017 23:36

@alipfefferman the argos link is showing your local store, just a heads up in case this is a issue for you.

roseretro · 15/12/2017 00:19

I would ‘transfer ownership’ of the watch another time and get him a different present this year. What if your other son decides he still wants it or something? Also he might just want to play with it for a bit and not use it all the time like your other son

PaintingByNumbers · 15/12/2017 08:56

Yes, yabu. Just do it another time. Either ds1 gifts it (better) or sells it to him via you.

Original poster
AliPfefferman · 15/12/2017 09:00

Thanks, @SistersofPercy — I noticed that too but actually that’s not my local store. Not sure why it came up. But thank you for pointing it out :).

OP posts:
ZigZagandDustin · 15/12/2017 09:02

I always remember an incident when I was 9. My sister was getting loads of new clothes to go off to boarding school and there was one jumper I really liked. She decided she didn't want that particular one and I was excited thinking I might get it. A week later I got it for my birthday. I was so upset that something she was getting just as part of a normal day was my birthday gift. It felt like a handmedown and like they didn't care about me. Looking back it was a time in mum and dads life when they were desperately strapped for cash and it upsets me to think of them struggling now I understand better.

But it was a bad call. I was very hurt and still remember it clearly 25 yrs later.