To give DS2 something that belongs to DS1?

[AliPfefferman]

I have two DSs, aged 8 and 4. The 8-Year-old has a kids watch that he got as a gift last year. It’s a cute thing and he enjoyed it when he first got it but now he rarely wears it. One of his Christmas presents will be an activity tracker watch (knockoff Fitbit), which I know he will LOVE.

The problem is that my younger DS reeallly wants a watch. He’s the perfect age for the watch his older brother has, and he would absolutely love it. Unfortunately it costs £50 to buy a new one. It makes me sick to think of buying a new one when there’s a perfectly good one sitting in my house unused.

But— how do I sell this to DS1? And is it fair to give DS2 a Christmas gift that’s not brand new? He gets so many hand-me-downs, although generally he likes them. Maybe his brother could give it to him for Christmas from him...? But then I’d have to tell DS1 about the one he’s getting in advance.

How do I handle this??

So Op, give him the watch because he might as well have it. It's NOT a Christmas gift. Spend £10 on something for his Christmas gift if you can't afford more.

Ask DS1 if he can have it. But just give it to him, not as an Xmas present. It's really not on to pay for new stuff for your eldest and just give the little one hand me downs. Just give him the watch and get him a cheap toy for Xmas. My parents used to go all out and buy top of the range stuff for their eldest at Xmas while I got the Argos value range and it still rankles.

Talk to your 8 yo about this and have this be a present from him, not you. (After all it’s not your watch). Ds2 can also give something to his brother. Then you can get DS2 a token gift.

Thanks everyone. ZigZag thanks for sharing your experience.

We are going on holiday the day after Christmas and I’d like DS2 to have the watch by then, but I can’t give it to him before Christmas because I can’t discuss it with DS1 without telling him what he’s getting. First world problems I know!

I will say it’s interesting that so many people assume I can’t afford to buy a new watch. As it happens, that’s not an issue. Both of my children will have plenty of lovely new gifts for Christmas. But AIBU to think it’s wasteful to buy more plastic disposable consumer goods to clutter up my home when there is already one here sitting unused?

Why don't you buy in eBay or in any other used item shops?

Yanbu to hand down the watch at all, but almost noone would do it as a xmas gift as it raises massive issues over who is the favoured child. So it is assumed you would only do it out of necessity. I have a very tight parent so I know it can also be done for other reasons. I'm very low contact with my mum as an adult for this reason. Its the kind of thing she would have done. Dont be that person.

If you can afford a new one then YABVVVVU. It's DS1s. DS2 deserves a new one which is just his. If DS2 grows up feeling like he was fobbed off with second hand stuff while his elder brother got nice new thing because you thought principle was more valuable than his self esteem he will resent you hugely and I don't blame him. Can you not see how damaging this will be to him to always feel second best?

If not having lots of plastic or overconsuming is a problem for you then get neither of them presents and buy them a goat to send to Africa. But don't be happy to break your principles by buying stuff new for DS1 if you won't do it for DS2 too. But don't use your apparent principles as an excuse to treat your children hugely unequally.

What a horrible, horrible thread.

Honestly eltonjohnssyrup , I can only laugh at your comment. Would it change anything if I told you DS2 is getting a big remote control truck, some figures from his favorite TV show, a bunch of super hero books, a Lego set, a stocking full of sweets and trinkets, and a BIKE? All brand new. Wow it’s actually really gross when I see it written out like that. Not to mention the stack of gifts that will no doubt be coming from relatives. He has started mentioning a watch lately and I was thinking of DS1’s watch would be an extra gift, like a stocking stuffer type thing. DS2 has no idea how much things cost. I should also mention that DS2 LOVES getting DS1’s old stuff — as of now he doesn’t see it as second rate, although I understand he might someday and we will try to prevent it. I’ve taken on board the advice not to do it in conjunction with Christmas, and I won’t.

I could say more but this post already feels like a stealth boast about material excess. You’ll have to take my word for it that this is the LAST child on earth who needs your sympathy!

I don't see why posters are making such a big deal of this. We had very similar but with a nintendo ds. DC1 gave it to DC3 as an xmas present, it was lovely. Everyone was happy, no angst or drama of any kind.

Some people do fuss!

I would probably wait until Christmas day (when he has his new watch) and then ask DS1 out of ear shot if he would like to give his DB his old watch (not as a present). That way the younger sibling wont feel like he has a hand me down as a gift, he will have a watch for when you go away and the older one will be pleased with his new watch without spoiling the suprise. i definately wouldnt buy another one just for the sake of it.

I think you may be ever so slightly hung up on the idea of “matching” the Fitbit present for DS1 with an equivalent present for DS2. I do this sometimes before giving myself a shake. The reality is your DSs are different ages and it’s OK to let them have different types of gifts & it sounds as if DS2 has plenty to open already.

Why is it crucial for DS2 to get it before you go away?

If you are totally fixated on it, then on Christmas Day when DS1 has opened his Fitbit (& DS2 has opened his presents) then have a quiet word & suggest to DS1 that perhaps he could delight his brother with the Kiddizoom now that he’s got a more “grown-up” version.

Don’t dress it up as a gift particularly. And be prepared fir DS1 to say no...

@AliPffefferman - could you get the watch new for DS2, and then sell the other one on ebay, to defray part of the cost?

That way you don't end up spending more money on something you already have, but ds2 gets the watch he's been coveting, but it's new, not a hand-me-down.