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Original poster

2 girls, are you trying for a boy next?

78 replies

DontFundHate · 13/12/2017 10:26

We have one girl and another on the way and already people are asking if we're disappointed our 2nd isn't a boy, and if we'll try for a boy next. This is partly due to our culture, where traditionally boys are preferred.

This really hurts for lots of reasons - we are thrilled to be having two girls, I always wanted a sister. We have had fertility problems so two children is a real blessing, pregnancy is very high risk for me and I've been advised to stop at 2 children - this is something I'm still coming to terms with.

So, what do I say to everyone asking if we're disappointed baby's not a boy or are we going to try again? So far I've been brushing it off with a laugh, "no more children, we're getting a dog next!" But actually a big part of me wants to tell them off for asking, it's so rude.

Posting in aibu in the hope of a good one liner!

OP posts:
namechange2222 · 13/12/2017 13:29

Bloody hate that 'trying for' expression
Alway have a picture of some sort of exhausting sex

LastGirlOnTheLeft · 13/12/2017 13:45

I have five sisters and I LOVE having sisters!! We are great friends and love each other very much! My parents had nothing when we were growing up despite working all hours but they did always make sure we knew how loved we were. When I had DD I wanted her to experience what I have and have a sister. Luckily we got that! I just adore my sisters.

GeorgieBoy95 · 13/12/2017 13:48

"You're the THIRD person to make a comment like that today... and it's such a ridiculous thing to say isn't it?!! Buys into all the stereotypes.. ha ha!'

Keep it light and airy. Most people are just making idle chat but I agree it's annoying.

Tink2007 · 13/12/2017 13:50

Two DDs here as well.

My MIL actually went around telling people how disappointed my husband was to be having another girl.

He was absolutely thrilled to be having another girl. He couldn’t have cared less as long as the baby was safe and healthy.

CigarsofthePharoahs · 13/12/2017 14:07

I have two sons.
On returning from hospital having had #2, my neighbour came to have a look.
Without pausing for breath she asked me if I was planning on having any more. I said no. Besides, this one had only just arrived!
She looked shocked. "You aren't going to try for a girl?"
No, I'm not. I wanted two children and I got them. They're healthy and happy and seem to get on reasonably well.
It's not as if I even have the ability to decide which sex the baby is.

westendgirl780 · 13/12/2017 14:42

Once heard a guy at work deal with this (re fourth pregnancy) in style with "we're hoping for one that's not cheeky this time"!

Joskar · 13/12/2017 14:55

I have two girls and a boy. People said stupid stuff like that after dd2 (shame for Dh; you'll have to try again; watch out for when they're teens etc) and after I had a wee boy they said things like "Oh your Dh must be so chuffed to finally have a son!"

People just cast about for stuff to say. I think they just let bollocks cliches and nonsense fall out their mouths. If they gave it any thought at all they wouldn't talk such shite.

Smile distantly and say:

Do you think so? It never crossed my mind. It's not the sort of thing we're bothered by.

Then move swiftly on. Life is too short to get wound up by fannybaws without any emotional intelligence.

LouHotel · 13/12/2017 14:59

Mother of two girls. I always tongue in cheek say '' well a daughter is for life and son is until they get a wife'' tends to shut people up a bit.

Wellonlyifihavetoo · 13/12/2017 15:17

I’m currently pregnant with dd3 and couldn’t be happier! My husband couldn’t care less about gender, he suits tea parties and princesses lolGrin

Dontknowwherethelineis · 13/12/2017 15:46

Same comments here but we have two boys. It doesn't bother me that much, I just think as the eldest is old enough to understand it's not great for him to be hearing this assumption that I'm desperate for a girl. I think it's just filed under 'things people say because it's something to say' for me. Slightly irritating.

Llamacorn · 13/12/2017 15:51

3dds here and we always get it. Thought it would die down now they are getting older but it hasn't, we just now get comments like 'hurry up, time running out to have a boy'.
It's most infuriating, especially from strangers. The comments seem more directed at my dh as if he needs a boy to prove his virility or something.
We don't want another a child, and if we did the sex certainly wouldn't matter. We nearly lost dd3 at birth and the last thing on my mind was what sex baby we had!

PippleBang · 13/12/2017 17:05

People can be so rude!!

Two lovely children is lovely, regardless of whether they are boys or girls or both. Especially after all the difficulties you've had!

DH and I are adopting a little boy, and my DH already has a son. Given that I've been very open about our fertility struggles and the adoption process, I've still had so many people ask me if I'm disappointed not to be getting a girl. FUCK OFF. I'm over the fucking moon to be getting my son.

user1471596238 · 13/12/2017 17:14

It's so silly when people assume that parents are sad that they only had boys or girls. We have 2 boys and I have been asked before if my DW had wished that she'd had a girl too (or words to that effect). If one or both had been girls then we would have been no more or less delighted than boys (or a girl and a boy). We were just over the moon to have ended up with 2 children.

Buddyelf · 13/12/2017 17:14

I’ve had this as well. I have 2 DDs. I remember the morning after I’d had my second a midwife came in and looked at my dd and asked if this was my first. I said no I have another dd at home. She said ‘oh are you going to try again for a boy’. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing! I was around 8 hours post partum and couldn’t yet sit properly from the tear I suffered and she thought it appropriate to imply I couldn’t possibly happy with 2 dd’s. I’ve always wanted girls and I was over the moon but still people think you have to have both to be happy?!

WeAllHaveWings · 13/12/2017 17:20

You are overthinking and over reacting to a silly comment people make with normally no malicious intent. If you had two boys they’d ask if you were trying for a girl next.

Heregoeseverything · 13/12/2017 17:49

@WeAllHaveWings And that would be an equally ignorant comment.

Mammyloveswine · 13/12/2017 18:43

I have a son and am due another boy in the next few weeks. I get so many comments about what a shame it is that I'm not having a girl this time... even one of the parents at school mentioned it last week
.. "ah i thought you wouldve had a little girl" as if I had any choice in the matter! I would love a girl, doubt we'll have another but if we do I'll be equally happy with another boy!

People just feel the need to say crap...

MrsHarveySpecterV · 13/12/2017 19:10

I'm pregnant with DC3 and have had people ask why we are having another one when we've got one of each. When we had our son I couldn't believe how many people said oh great one of each now you won't have to have any more!

altiara · 13/12/2017 19:48

I’ve one of each but would’ve loved DDto have a sister!
I get comments like “ oh it’s good havingone of each as you can go shopping with DD and DH can go to the football with DS”
I hate this as I think you should love your child for who they are!
Now I think people just trot out the same old lines as if there’s a handbook on how to answer depending on the number and sex of your children.
And for the record- In our house, DH is the only one not to have played football as a child, we all go to watch football and embarrassingly DH can be found cheering the wrong team on at matches! He also takes DD on shopping trips (but she doesn’t see it as a treat!)

Aaaalltheboys · 13/12/2017 21:49

I just go with "I wouldn't change a hair on either of their heads", which is completely true and that usually shuts people up! Congratulations on your pregnancy OP

Ilikecakes · 13/12/2017 23:04

I've just had DS4 - can you imagine the type of nonsense people have come out with?! I won't raise my blood pressure give examples, but just shut it right down by expressing your joy. People are fucking stupid, and don't think for a second how insulting it is to your existing child/ren to imply that you're trying (as if you could!) for the opposite sex.

IMHO, many parents prefer the 'one of each', but I think it's lovely for siblings to be of the same sex - my three older boys are a lovely gang already and the new addition will slot right in!

buttercup54321 · 13/12/2017 23:51

I had two girls followed by a boy. The week before I had my son another relative had her first baby which was a girl. A family member said they were shocked as they were sure our relative would have THE boy and we would JUST have another girl. Still makes me angry 23 years later!

LadyGAgain · 14/12/2017 01:14

@CigarsofthePharoahs
Everything you said Smile

Miamiapods · 14/12/2017 01:15

Aww 3 girls here there buggers x

KimchiLaLa · 14/12/2017 01:33

I feel your pain OP...when I told MIL I was expecting my DD her reply was 'never mind, you can try for a boy next time'! It still makes me fume.

This! My MIL always said to me "Kimchi, we want Boys!"

This was after one day I said "oh I can't wait to have a little girl!" And that was her response.

First of all, I wondered who the "we" was - my DH loves our DD. But she always employs the royal "we" when she thinks she's referring to herself and him.

Second of all, you already have two grandsons. Surely you want to mix it up a little?

That comment still makes my blood boil.

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