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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

2 girls, are you trying for a boy next?

78 replies

DontFundHate · 13/12/2017 10:26

We have one girl and another on the way and already people are asking if we're disappointed our 2nd isn't a boy, and if we'll try for a boy next. This is partly due to our culture, where traditionally boys are preferred.

This really hurts for lots of reasons - we are thrilled to be having two girls, I always wanted a sister. We have had fertility problems so two children is a real blessing, pregnancy is very high risk for me and I've been advised to stop at 2 children - this is something I'm still coming to terms with.

So, what do I say to everyone asking if we're disappointed baby's not a boy or are we going to try again? So far I've been brushing it off with a laugh, "no more children, we're getting a dog next!" But actually a big part of me wants to tell them off for asking, it's so rude.

Posting in aibu in the hope of a good one liner!

OP posts:

Halfdrankbrew · 13/12/2017 11:30

I'd find it hard to think of anything other than "no, we are very happy with 2 healthy daughter's thank you" or failing that mind your own bloody business!

I found it equally odd how people would describe it as "perfect" that I've had a girl and a boy, I'm talking randoms in the street, often older people. I want to say well actually it'd be equally "perfect" if I had 2 daughters or 2 sons!! People also say "so are you done now you have one of each?" I never answer the question, I know people are only trying to make conversation but mind your own business!

KindergartenKop · 13/12/2017 11:35

I had this. My sil told me I had to keep trying if I had a second boy. TBH, having a girl puts me off having a third. I'd consider it if I could be guaranteed a boy.

Trinity66 · 13/12/2017 11:39

Yeah people say that the opposite way round two (if you had 2 boys they'd ask if you were trying for a girl)

Minty82 · 13/12/2017 11:44

I've got one of each and was equally annoyed by people telling me how wonderful that was, as if it would have been marginally less wonderful has they been the same sex. (DM "Oh it's so much nicer to be able to refer to 'the children', rather than 'the boys' or 'the girls'." What?!)

Actually, if I had been able to choose, I'd have had a second girl, as I have an incredible relationship with my sisters and am slightly wistful DD won't have that. And that I'd never have had my beautiful, hilarious, extraordinary and wonderful DS, so it's just as well we can't choose...

Minty82 · 13/12/2017 11:45

then, not that!

HeadDreamer · 13/12/2017 11:47

I have two girls and just say you feel your family is complete. Not interested in trying for more. I think it's just a conversation starter.

Trinity66 · 13/12/2017 11:49

Minty82

Don't worry, I had 3 brothers and no sisters and I have the best relationships with them. One of them in particular is probably my best friend

Minty82 · 13/12/2017 12:03

Thanks Trinity - DD and DS are very close at the moment (and DH is close to his sister) so fingers crossed! And obviously there are no guarantees sisters will get on. It's just an illustration of how how daft the whole thing is. You get what you're given.

ghostyslovesheets · 13/12/2017 12:13

wait till you are on to #3

I had 2 DD's and when pregnant with DD3 the conversation was usually:

'oh is it your first?'

me: 'no my 3rd'

'oh what do you have already?'

me: '2 girls'

'oh - trying for a boy then?'

me: no - don;t mind really

'oh - happy accident then?'

like the ONLY reason you would plan number 3 was that you where disappointed with the sex of 1+2

3 was in fact a DD (as expected when TTC)

Trinity66 · 13/12/2017 12:18

ghostyslovesheets

I don't think when people say stuff like that they mean that having girls is bad, it's usually that they assume people will want to have a child of both sexes. Like if it were two sons you already had they probably would have said the same assuming you'd want a girl this time

JamPasty · 13/12/2017 12:36

I'd be saying "are you implying there is something wrong with my daughters?!" But then I'm a moody old wotsit

Heregoeseverything · 13/12/2017 12:42

The problem is that the moodier the responses you give, the more they'll think, "Ooh! I've obviously touched a nerve!". It's so hard to respond in a way that points out their rudeness and ridiculousness without confirming in their minds their suspicion that you're disappointed.

I don't have any children yet (pregnant with DC1) but I had similar when we didn't immediately produce a child after getting married. We weren't trying, yet people with children were "sympathising" with me about my "struggle" to get pregnant. When I said we weren't trying there was obvious disbelief. Being irritable made them yet more disbelieving. SO irritating!

Heregoeseverything · 13/12/2017 12:43

@Trinity66 Yes, but the point is that it's a stupid assumption to make, an insensitive assumption to express, and nobody else's business.

Trinity66 · 13/12/2017 12:46

@Trinity66 Yes, but the point is that it's a stupid assumption to make, an insensitive assumption to express, and nobody else's business.

I suppose so, never bothered me though tbh, it's just chit chat and hollow stuff that people say when you're pregnant, in one ear and out the other!

Ecureuil · 13/12/2017 12:47

Ive got two girls. When I text my auntie to tell her she’d been born, my reply was ‘never mind, you can try for a boy next’. Nothing else!
We’re thinking about a third but not sure I can cope with the ‘are you trying for a boy?’ comments!

MimsyFluff · 13/12/2017 13:00

DontFundHate as the DM of three DD's you'll have to change how you say your have DD2 "another little girl me and DH are so happy" that stops the comments before they start. I love having three DD's they fight, make deals and are best friends just like me and Dsis were little so I'm sure they'll carry on been friends. Me and Dsis are really close I love her children as much as I love mine.

I was so happy when we found out DD3 was a girl, I loved our family dynamic and felt a boy would of changed it. My DD's are children not having penis doesn't mean they can't do what boys do DD1's (9) favourite activities are climbing trees and getting muddy, DD2 (7) likes dressing up as princesses, muddy puddles and going rock climbing and DD3 (4) dresses up as a dinosaur and roars whilst running around and climbing! I'm pretty sure if they were boys they'd be the same!

Angelicinnocent · 13/12/2017 13:09

DB used to tell people he was waiting until they were older before he picked which one was getting the operation!

Trampire · 13/12/2017 13:11

People do really talk shit.

I have one of each and was told that I was 'clever' or 'well done you!' Quite a lot as if I somehow did something special to achieve it.

I also got a lot of "what a shame they won't be able to play together" of "it's so much easier with 2 the same". Wtf?

As it happens my dd loved boys clothes so I had lots of hand me downs. They get on great and do loads together.

My MIL 'ordered' a boy when I was pg (we didn't find out beforehand). She told me that all girls are complete bitches and it would drive dh away. She said this in front of me and my dd (I also come from a family of all women, sister, neices). That irritated me to fuck.

My ds is has 3 dd's. Her FIL actively told my sister he was very disappointed and upset with their 3rd girl.

Even when I had one dd I had lots of unwanted comments from mothers of 2 boys telling me

"I'm soooo glad I don't have a girl as I wouldn't know that yo do with her"
"I'm soooo glad I don't have a girl as they're all little bitches whereas boys are very loving"

Er? maybe they were trying to get in a fig before I said something to them about boys (I wouldn't).

Basically people talk a load of bollocks about BOTH sexes and it sucks. I've never found a way to respond to it decently.

NotACleverName · 13/12/2017 13:12

"I'm actually hoping for a puppy next time"

CrazyMary · 13/12/2017 13:20

I once joked we'd keep going until we got it 'right' and the person actually thought I was being serious. MIL said the whole family were delighted SIL had 1b and 1g and thankfully she wouldn't need to have any more since she had one of each. I wasn't as lucky

LadyGAgain · 13/12/2017 13:22

We have x2 DD and some have said "will you try for a boy" to which I reply "I always wanted our eldest to have a sister and only the truly dumb 'try' for an opposite sex as it's a 50:50".
I too find the question insinuates that we must be disappointed. For the record we aren't. They are perfect.

SandyY2K · 13/12/2017 13:23

My Dsis has 4 girls and people used to say the same to her .

Her DH got fed up and told them..they're happy with 4 healthy DDs and would not be trying for a boy.

LadyGAgain · 13/12/2017 13:24

Oh and recently a friend announced she was having a DS after already having a DD to which another friend said "how wonderful. The perfect family. One of each".

Yellowmaiden · 13/12/2017 13:24

From experience I've found the truth is the best way to shut these people up! If you feel able.

SallySphinx · 13/12/2017 13:25

I used to get this, I have 3 DDS.

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