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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

That this is the school's responsibility?

68 replies

NeverUseThisName · 13/12/2017 08:39

Dc's school have some sort of church activity 3 times a year. I let my dc choose whether they participate. We are not Christian. They used to have a TA supervise one classroom with, say, a film and an art table, for non-churchgoers.

But, as the cohorts have moved the n, fewer and fewer children across the school are being withdrawn from RE activities. The school tend to schedule these trips in the afternoon, and now encourage non-participating children to be collected from school after lunch. Often my youngest dc is the only child remaining at school.

AIBU to r fuse to collect him? I'm at work, and he is registered at school that afternoon.

OP posts:

user1495390685 · 13/12/2017 09:53

OP, in my humble opinion the best way to help a child against becoming religious is to give them a religious education. They are impressionable, of course, and the church excels at indoctrinating, but when the time comes they will be able to make an informed decision. I'd reinforce it's all stories and balance out with reading lots of other myths and folk tales. But best not to make them feel left out and singled out at school.

mindutopia · 13/12/2017 09:56

I think the school has to provide coverage through to the end of the day for him. I guess they probably asked you thinking maybe you would want to come collect him, and that would free up staff to do other things that they no doubt need to do. I know at my dd's school parents seem to trip over themselves to come collect their kids early (not me, I work). But if it's a full day of school, he should be there if you want him to be and the school should support some sort of alternate learning activity. This Friday there is a lunch/party for Christmas and then children can be collected after 12. Those who won't can stay around and watch a film until the usual collection time. I'm working, so I'm not going to collect mine and the school is really happy to keep her.

That said, he probably won't suffer any harm attending church activities and it may create a good opportunity to talk about what you believe as a family and why it's different from what's promoted at school. Mine goes to a church school. We have no other choice. There are no other options around here and this is the one she got allocated as it's our local village school. We are not Christian. I'm Jewish and we practice Jewish holidays at home and my husband is technically an atheist. But she does all the usually collective worship and RE activities and then when she comes home we talk about what we do in our family. My dh and I both went to church schools and obviously didn't indoctrinate us. So not saying you shouldn't have the choice to withdraw him. You do and it's absolutely your choice. But if it becomes a hassle and there are few other options. I would just send him along and use it as a way to start a conversation about how that isn't what you believe or practice and why. It's been really good for my dd to have those conversations.

Lovestonap · 13/12/2017 09:57

Oh for goodness sake make him attend the religious thing.

He won't catch it.

And if you're worried he might, make sure you have no mention of Christmas at all in your house to be on the safe side.

yabu

JacquesHammer · 13/12/2017 10:02

And if you're worried he might, make sure you have no mention of Christmas at all in your house to be on the safe side

Why? We're completely atheist. We celebrate Christmas by spending it with family, giving gifts and eating a lot. Nothing religious at all.

OhforfucksakeFay · 13/12/2017 10:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SoupDragon · 13/12/2017 10:03

You say you are not Christian - do you mean you have another faith that means he cannot do these Christian activities or that you are atheist?

I have no faith and I've always let DC participate in religious activities. Frommy point of view they are meaningless from a faith point of view and from theirs they are learning about what some people believe.

GrockleBocs · 13/12/2017 10:03

Our non faith ordinary state primary has an evening carol event plus a visit to the local church for a service around Xmas every year.
It's not necessarily the case that only faith schools have some churchy stuff happening.

crunchymint · 13/12/2017 10:04

The school are BU. But if he is the only one withdrawn that can feel pretty shit as a child. So ask him what he wants to do.

Ragwort · 13/12/2017 10:08

Why are you so anti him attending a Church event?

Years ago my friend was not allowed to attend any RE classes/events at school (it was quite unusual to 'withdraw' a child from RE in those days - the 1970s) - now she is the most religious of all my friends .

Just let him go and he can make up his own mind whether he 'believes' or not.

spacegirl01 · 13/12/2017 10:08

No not unreasonable to say you're not collecting him til end of school day.

I'd encourage dc to join in with the activity though - if only from an educational POV to observe others' beliefs. Otherwise it sounds like a boring afternoon sat at school on his own with office staff!

BitOutOfPractice · 13/12/2017 10:08

Tell the school you won't authorise the absence

Brilliant!

Lemonnaise · 13/12/2017 10:11

YABU. They have given you an alternative and you're still not happy.

20nil · 13/12/2017 10:26

YANBU, the school is. Stand your ground.

EvilDoctorBallerinaRoastDuck · 13/12/2017 10:28

Emerald the OP doesn't state that it's a religious school.

NoWayInn · 13/12/2017 10:31

Oh for goodness sake let him go!
It's probably a Christingle at this time of year. He won't catch Christianity I promise you, though making such a big deal and keeping him out may well pique his interest at the forbidden.
We are not religious.
My two went to a little village school which did a couple of trips to church a year - harvest festival and carol service. Pleasant trips which enhanced the family feel of the school.
They are now grown up card carrying atheists.

Mummyoflittledragon · 13/12/2017 10:33

My dd won’t entertain the possibility of the existence of god. I’d send her along in these circumstances. It’s about respect of her classmates and being part of the school community. I’d not want my dc singled out.

befbiund · 13/12/2017 10:38

Why can't he just go to the church service? I have been to many different denominational services over my life. It hasn't turned me into a Hindu or Muslim or Jew if that's what you are worried about. Why don't you show some tolerance. You sound racist.

sirfredfredgeorge · 13/12/2017 10:39

Just let him go and he can make up his own mind whether he 'believes' or not.

The OP has already said that it's his choice to withdraw, not hers

CheesecakeAddict · 13/12/2017 10:42

I see where you are coming from but if there's certain SEN kids going to the church, then the school might not be able to keep their TAs in school to babysit. I think if you did kick up a fuss, you'd probably just have DC helping in the office or sat reading silently in the office waiting for you. I am the sort of person who would mind my child going to church and having to listen to all that (no offense to anyone who does believe) and I think in this situation you need to decide what is more important; take a half day off work or see if you can work from home so DC doesn't have to go to, or accept that compromises have to be made to put food on the table and don't give DC the choice

LaPampa · 13/12/2017 10:44

I like the suggestion of not authorising the absence!

I also think that education is different to believing. I welcome my children knowing and experiencing many religions and customs and cultures. Can he not attend as an observer, to learn not participate, solving the issue.

Lovestonap · 13/12/2017 10:48

Why? We're completely atheist. We celebrate Christmas by spending it with family, giving gifts and eating a lot. Nothing religious at all.

Yes Jacques, exactly, most of us do. And we do it in the name of Christmas, knowing that we don't have to believe the parable surrounding it. Just like OPs son could sit and enjoy some music or storytelling with his friends without feeling like he must convert!

JacquesHammer · 13/12/2017 11:00

Just like OPs son could sit and enjoy some music or storytelling with his friends without feeling like he must convert!

See the thing is I wouldn't want to bother so I wouldn't make my child. It's a waste of time for me. That said DD has made her own choices and she likes to attend the Carol service so fine.

I would absolutely withdraw her if that was her wish

Lovestonap · 13/12/2017 11:15

Well, we'll agree to disagree. My kids would go because that's what the school wanted and I have trusted that school to give them a well rounded education.

I think it would be different if it was something where a parent were expected to contribute financially, then I would expect alternative care to be provided.

Kids are going to have to do stuff they don't want to do sometimes.

RavenWings · 13/12/2017 11:16

He's likely not going to get one to one teaching while they are gone. Would be fine in my school if he stayed, but he'd be parked in the office, doing independent worksheets or reading. If he is happy with it, leave him at it.

SoupDragon · 13/12/2017 11:17

I don't think seeing how any religion worships is a waste of time. Even with no faith at all I find it interesting.

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