AIBU to think loneliness effects everyone?

[Wellfuckmeinbothears]

I’ve seen lots of ads about loneliness effecting the elderly and they’re utterly tear jerking! I posted a couple of weeks ago(ish) about my elderly neighbour and we have now started a lovely friendship, I really value her company. But in all honesty, my lonely neighbour aside, I have NO friends! I have a wonderful family, an incredible husband but no friends. And the loneliness of that really upsets me at times. There are things I’d love to talk about that would be inappropriate to discuss with my family/husband (sometimes because it’s a moan about them!) and I would love to be able to make some friends. The adverts highlighting loneliness in the elderly are really welll thought out as I know (from my neighbour) that isolation and loneliness are a very real issue but I wonder if a lot of people are in the same position? Could there be some kind of scheme for all ages to join to make friends?

Would be really interested to hear other people’s thoughts

Oh @whiskyowl thank you, what a lovely thing to say!

I just wonder if we’re missing a trick, whilst the elderly and less able bodied are perhaps more vunerable people of all walks of life can be lonely. (From what I understand, very happy to be corrected if I’m wrong) WI is aimed at women of a later stage in life and mother and baby groups require the latter...could there be something in between that just focuses on enjoying other people’s company or is a common interest/hobby essential? Some of the suggestions have been great like choir, craft etc but not eveyone (myself included!) can sing or knit or draw etc, is there something that can involve everyone and if not could there be?

Thank you all for your replies, really interesting points of view

Don't forget this affects men too

How does someone end up with no friends and no family?

I’ve moved all around the Uk when I was single due to my work, I always made new friends.

Hopefully by the time I’m in my 80s I will still have a few local friends and extended family. If I don’t have any friends, I’d only feel I had myself to blame, friends don’t just turn up at your door, you have to be proactive and go out to make new ones as well as spending time with current ones.

The old man on tv saying “ I’ve got no one, no friends and no family” just grinds my gears, why has he got no friends? Because he expects them to do all the bloody running around and visit him. If he has no family, that’s partly although not entirely his fault. Unless he is the only child of two only children with no children of his own what he actually means is “I’m too much hard work for my nieces and nephews, grandchildren, or great grandchildren to bother with.

If you’re lonely it’s up to you to change it, not expect the world to form a queue outside your door to become your next new best friend.

I have moved around the country and have always made friends but comments about it being easy are unhelpful. It's easy for some people but not for others.

I actually really like my own company and so many people ( irl not on here ) find that concept odd.

I have friends, good friends but I'm not needy with them. Some of my friends can't cope if they are on their own for a period of time, for example when the dc are at school.
I love it!

I find it so sad when I read threads like these as there are obviously loads of people in the same boat, it would be fab if people lived near each other. I always think it's never too late to make friends, no matter how old or set in your ways.

I think it came easy to me as I'm really talkative. My dp on the other hand is quiet and really struggles.

I hate the thought of anyone alone at Christmas :(

@Pricillaqueenofthedesert its difficult to fathom how hard it is to make friends when you’re not very good at it, I’m really glad that it’s something that comes to you easily but I find it very difficult to reach out and I think others do too. As I say it’s great that you don’t find yourself lonely, but others do. I wonder if you ever did experience it (and I hope you don’t) you might be able to the other side of the coin. It’s difficult to not assume everyone has friends but I suppose it’s the same with a lot of things, until you’re on the other side of it, it’s diffucult to understand

And I really don’t expect someone else to change things for me, the reason I posted was because I would like to change things for myself and hopefully help others who feel the same along the way.

Gosh that reply made no sense! Sorry will try to phrase it a bit better!

Well it does tend to be a particular problem for older people whose friends are dropping like flies and children are too busy/far away to see regularly. Top that off with mobility issues and a lack of opportunity for socialising through work and it's not surprising that is something that effects older people more than the rest.

Other times that can also leave people open to loneliness include maternity-I have zero friends that I am in regular contact with.ajor lifestyle changes essentially remove you from your prebaby socialisation environments like work, nights out, hobby time etc. On top of that having a baby limits your access to a lot of opportunities to socialise-you aren't exactly going to take your baby to your Pilates class or to your local pub.

Generally the times that people tend to be loneliest is when they have a change in situation, moving, getting a new job, starting university, loosing friends/family.

OP, the friendship with your neighbour, is it not the sort of friendship where you can have a wee moan about your husband and family to her?

I'm trying to understand but I'm having difficulty as for me a husband and family around me would be plenty of company.

As PP have mentioned the Meetup groups seem very popular and cater for every interest imaginable.

'Certainly anyone not working for any reason, including parenting, as the second people clock you're not working for whatever you're social value to others is less than zero. Bitter?, yes. But eye opening I guess.'

Yes, couldn't agree more. I found it quite shocking to be doing something as full on as parenting small children with little support, whilst suddenly being seen as nothing in many people's eyes, some literally turning their noses up at you.