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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect my brother to remember my child's birthday?

48 replies

WinkyWinkola · 21/04/2007 07:44

It's only his second birthday but my brother and his wife have failed to send even a card again. Their two children (5 and 7) get gifts and cards without fail.

I don't mind them forgetting my birthday but a child's? It really gets my goat because it's my little boy's big day! My mum minds when he always forgets hers though.

What to do? 'Phone up and gently enquire or just put it down to forgetful insensitivity?

OP posts:
notasheep · 21/04/2007 07:49

There are people that always remember and those that just dont bother.
All my family always remember dd and dss birthday but never anything arrives from dps family.Just have to accept thats the way they are, utterly thoughtless.

happy birthday to your ds,dont let this get to you,its a waste of time

shouldbe · 21/04/2007 07:51

My brother is a bit like this - it's not deliberate, he just never remembers things and my SIL isn't good with dates either. I don't mind too much cos he's always been this way and is generous and fun with the lo's when we do see him. They have no lo's so have no concept of how much mine like to hear from their fav Uncle on their birthdays so these days I either call him on the day and he'll speak to dd/ds to say happy birthday or remind him a day or two before so he can pop a card in the post

gigglinggoblin · 21/04/2007 07:53

my brother usually forgets but tbh i dont mind cos they get too much stuff anyway, its a bit of a relief and the kids dont usually notice. if it bothers you call them the week before and say its ds bday, would you like to come round for some cake.

Twiglett · 21/04/2007 08:10

I'm like this .. constantly forget neices and nephews birthdays ..

have too many of them

some people are just like this .. birthdays aren't that big a deal

Original poster
WinkyWinkola · 21/04/2007 08:11

Yes, Ithought I might be overreacting.

He shows very little interest in the rest of the family anyway. His children never get forgotten by us though.

OP posts:
Original poster
WinkyWinkola · 21/04/2007 08:12

Birthdays are a big deal to children though.

OP posts:
Twiglett · 21/04/2007 08:13

are you telling me that a 2 year old knows that a specific person didn't send them a card or present??

I think you mean birthdays are a big deal to parents IMHO

3sEnough · 21/04/2007 08:14

I would ring up a week before and offer a birthday list - in case they don't know what to buy! If you buy for their children, they should buy for yours IMO - your child will soon notice, just as theirs would notice if they stopped.

Twiglett · 21/04/2007 08:14

I am certain that you remember their children's birthdays because that is the way you are and it is important to you .. I know that you don't do it because you're proving a point to the parents .. you are doing it for the children

I unfortunately don't remember and constantly get surprised at what date it is and what I've missed (I have 31 neices and nephews)

Lullabyloo · 21/04/2007 08:14

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....my brother,mother & father forgot my ds's second birthday..

Twiglett · 21/04/2007 08:15

my 6 year old wouldn't notice the absence of a present from a relative unless he saw the relative on that particular day

Twiglett · 21/04/2007 08:15

my mother father and 3 sisters forgot my 30th

Lullabyloo · 21/04/2007 08:15

Twig.......31??????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You are most definately excused then

Lullabyloo · 21/04/2007 08:16

Twig......bummer

Twiglett · 21/04/2007 08:17

not counting great-neices and nephews .. DH is youngest of 9, I'm youngest of 4

Twiglett · 21/04/2007 08:17

s'ok Lulu they remembered my 40th [girn]

Chocolateface · 21/04/2007 08:17

Ooo, this happens to me. My siblings remember DS1's birthday, because it's around christmas, but forget my other two cildren. Actually, one of my sisters is very good, and will drive 2 hours to see my child for their birthday, while my other sister and brother totally forget.

Lullabyloo · 21/04/2007 08:21

Twig...i should blardy well think so....hope you were spoilt rotten...

BonnieDarko · 21/04/2007 08:22

Surely it can't be that big a thing to your ds? He's only 2.

My brother and sil often forget, and dd(7) doesn't even notice. She doesn't expect cards or presents, so is never disappointed.

Surely it can be a great day without having to count presents?

3sEnough · 21/04/2007 08:23

I feel that I must point out here that I only have 6 nephews and neices, 2 of which I am reminded about (and often 'bought' for by my sister - seriously organised lady!), 2 have birthdays in the Xmas week and we are always expected at a party, never mind just pressies. The last 2 are in Australia and the rellies over there don't do pressies (or cards or phone calls for that matter!) I have no excuse to forget, but still regularly do and get caught out. I think it's different if you have 31 of them!!

Marne · 21/04/2007 08:23

My brother nether remembers birthdays, he was even there when dd1 was born

Lullabyloo · 21/04/2007 08:25

it has nothing whatsoever to do with the presents

Original poster
WinkyWinkola · 21/04/2007 08:35

Whether he's two or not is irrelevant surely? Yes, he's only two but he won't be two forever will he? He'll be seven one day and still my brother will be not bothering. I'm annoyed because it's indicative of his general lack of interest.

Interesting that those who say birthdays aren't a big deal are those who forget!

OP posts:
BonnieDarko · 21/04/2007 08:42

Actually I never forget birthdays/anniversaries etc, just don't expect people to remember mine or dd's.

If it really means that much either ring them beforehand to gently remind them, or alternatively disguise your handwriting and write and post a card on their behalf

NKF · 21/04/2007 09:10

I've never known any man who remembered a birthday.