to be a bit put out

[NotAMamaYet]

background - normal* evening just getting into bed with boyfriend*

Me: tell me about when** you were younger

We both lived aboard (in separate countries) growing up* and tells fun stories of what he got up to - I'm easily* pleased

Him: no I'm* too tired you tell me about when you were in Berlin (*I lived there for two years before uni)

Me: sorry* I'm afraid those stories are off limits tonight it's* your turn!

Him: whispers behind me slut

He says that's what I was insinuating and has stormed off in a huff because I don't want him all over me straight after he said that.

Even if I had been 'insinuating' which I wasn't I don't think it's ever appropriate to call your GF a slut?? He knows my history, and to say it's whilst we were in bed. I'm not FUMING just a bit put out and confused.

Aibu or is he?

Then call him a misogynist prick and see then tell him he's overreacting. Sorry OP - I don't like this man at all.

Do you like being called a slut?

If the answer is no then it is definitely not ok.

OP still not been back?

Hi sorry I've not been back.

I definitely don't like it, and don't think the word slut can be even angled in a jokey way.

I haven't spoken to my boyfriend today as we've both got a busy work week this week, but my guess is he will maintain it was a joke.

I'm not sure how I would even bring it up again.

I think the reason it felt odd was on Saturday morning I turned down sex (I was due for a big day out and was in a hurry) and he said our sex life was 'shit' at the moment.

So in the space of three days he's said our sex life was shit and I'm/was a slut.

Hmmmmmmm

To clarify - I'm aware this is trivial!! gringrin

I don't think it's trivial. Don't feel you have to minimise it because someone pissed in Twatterqueen's cornflakes.

Think of it as a red flag and watch out for others.

He's very disrespectful

Why do you put up with this?

"So in the space of three days he's said our sex life was shit and I'm/was a slut. "

Ah, so hes using "slut" in its sense of "you are not performing sexually exactly as I want and when I want".

Yeah, he'd be an ex very fast.

Jesus, some folks set the bar very low in their relationships. Yeah it’s just trivia when your boyfriend called you a slut, whore or anything else

Is it fuck. This wasn’t done playfully or during some sex game, it was said in conversation as an accusation against her past

You’re not unreasonable to be put out, and those that accept this shit from men need to raise the bar a little higher.

Wow, I would be co spidering leaving. Either he has no manners or he as a problem with your sexual history. Either way you have a problem.

Thanks for the views. I think i can take that it was him who was being unreasonable!

I'm not sure it's worth bringing back up again? He's just texted me like normal.

He thinks I'm a raging leftie feminist (and proud! ) so don't know if he'd just view my bringing it up as an overreaction ...

Well, could be a generational thing here, but what about 'fuck me shoes' and 'a slutty nightie'? I'm just wondering what it would like to have the USP of being a 'raging Leftie feminist'. Doesn't sound v seductive tbh.

not sure what generation you are but 'slutty nighty' isn't something my generation (or me and my peers) aim for

ditto 'fuck me shoes'

Also my political views bear no semblance on my sexual prowess

You're in bed together. He wants you to talk about the high old time you had in Berlin. He probably finds it exciting to think of you being desirable to other men. You want to talk about his childhood. Not sure you're on the same page here.

Not sure you're focusing on the right bit of my post!

But happily take your point on board

I hope your not planning on having children with him

I’ve never heard the phrase ‘slutty nightie’ and it’s not a phrase my generation would use (I don’t think!). I also detest the word slut and would think my DH had lost his mind if he called me that.

Sounds like my ex. I couldn't be with someone who has that attitude towards women. Of course he thinks you're over-reacting, of course he's just messaging as normal. . . . he sees nothing wrong with his views and behaviour. Bad enough for you but imagine if you have a daughter? (Me being totally presumptuous that you may have children with him - sorry!)

TwitterQueen what the fuck? You think women who don't like being called misogynistic names by a partner, need to grow up?! Why exactly?

He sounds kind of manipulative op, or a drama queen....

I think it's interesting how things have changed. I'm of the generation who did the heavy-lifting for you lot. We campaigned for equal pay, legal abortion, reclaim the night etc etc. Being left-wing was generally equated with a more liberal attitude to sex. Free love and so on.

Now it seems more of a minefield regarding taking offence. I don't find slut offensive, because it had a more general usage. Katharine Whitehorn's definition was going through the dirty linen basket to find underwear that could be worn again at a pinch. It could definitely be used in a jokey way in bed.

Personally, I find 'babe' more of a turn-off.

I wouldn't be with anybody who thought it was acceptable to call me or another woman a slut.

soooo he's just come home.

It was a 'joke'

I'm sensitive and a moody cow for even bringing it up

'Accidentally blurted it out'

'Overreacting'

Maybe I am. It always seems to be the case

Oh op get rid. Not just for the slut name calling, but for the gaslighting and the whinging about your sex life. Can't you see it's a recipe for disaster?
You can't turn down sex without a guilt trip and you can't raise an issue without it being turned around on you! You are better than this.