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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to ask what happens when you die?

433 replies

TeaAndAMarmiteSandwhich · 11/12/2017 22:58

... or more accurately, what you think happens?

I really really don't want to die (a good thing I guess! As I wasn't too bothered either way as a moody teen, but now I love life most of the time and want to hang around).

It's comforting to think there's a heaven, but I don't believe there is (and I'd probably get bored if I had to stay there for EVER). But when u die - is that it? Game over ? I'm not too keen on that idea either.

What do you think happens? and what would you like to think happens? Hmm

OP posts:
HorseItIntoMe · 14/12/2017 09:31

I REALLY want to know what happened to Liz!!

buttercupmeadow · 14/12/2017 09:35

pensionista God certainly doesn't put terror into me. The absolute opposite in fact. Throughout my life when i have been terrified or upset or distraught i have turned to God and he has got me through it. Sometimes not in a way i'd expect but in His way. By saying that i've certainly not had an easy ride through life, we aren't here to sail through life without a care in the world, we all have different trials and are here to learn. But one things for sure, God loves us all, not one person is more important than another.

We all need to open our minds up a bit and accept that we don't know everything now, but all will be clear and obvious to us when we die.

liz70 · 14/12/2017 09:35

Like I said, I've posted about it extensively here previously, and had the usual accusations of lying or being mentally ill. Which is frustrating but again, beyond my control.

Pensionista · 14/12/2017 09:40

Liz70,....I and others are not accusing you of anything or saying you've done something wrong. Only you can make yourself feel that way. I, and I'm sure others, are merely curious as to what 'it' is as I can't find anything you have said about 'it'. You say " now you have no fear" I can't see anything wrong in that, because it could help some people . To the one's who don't believe...so what. But it's frustrating that some one who joins in a conversation like this, doesn't wan't to share the experience because you "get grief"
Why bother having the conversation in the first place, if this is the case......Courage of your Convictions, comes to mind.

Pensionista · 14/12/2017 09:51

Buttercupmeadow,
God doesn't put fear into me.........You maybe no, but other's yes. Depends who your (religious god is)
'But one thing for sure God loves us all.........Tell that to all the abused, starving kids. To the parents who's kids have geen murdered and and. and.
We arn't here to sail through life without a care........I agree with that, no one escapes life.
But all be clear and obvious to us when we die.......how do you know that ?......You may 'Believe' that but you certainly don't know and I as an unbeliever don't know either, as far as I know no one has come back and told us.

Medeci · 14/12/2017 10:02

I think many people experience things they don't understand and find an explanation that makes most sense to them.
My sister and I saw a group of "little elves" in the woods when we were 6 and 7 yrs old, tiny men in typical elf outfits standing next to a pile of logs shaking their fists at us Shock. We ran home and told our mother who was suitably impressed.
More than 30 years later we still remember seeing the elves. The experience felt completely real when it happened but now we choose to believe that it must have been a hallucination conjured up by our vivid imaginations.
Or was it???

Alleycat1 · 14/12/2017 10:12

As many have said, it is the process of dying that is frightening, particularly if severe pain is part of the experience. I can't bear to think of children and animals suffering in this way and if there is a God he certainly doesn't seem benevolent to me. It would be nice to think that we all go to some beautiful place where our loved ones are waiting for us but I am more inclined to think that awareness just ceases completely. When my lovely mother died it was like watching a computer breaking down - she said (i it was probably a quote, but I don't know) that it was like leaving the cinema before the film had finished. Random motor functions failed and communication was also random and nonsensical, although she knew who we were and where she was until the very last minute. Then, nothing, switched off and the plug pulled! Her non-existence more awful to those of us left behind because she could not be aware of it.

Hazza000 · 14/12/2017 10:16

I think our bodies die but not our souls. I'm a firm believer in life after death and reincarnation. There is compelling evidence for both. Perhaps this is a self-comforting measure but by the same token the spectre of reincarnation might not always feel comforting - and might seem actually pretty terrifying.

BJaneCorfu · 14/12/2017 10:23

I am a firm believer in our after-human life and in the souls reincarnation into different physical forms.
I have had wonderful conversations with my deceased relatives, especially my dad, through a lovely medium/clairvoyant Jan Mayfield. I am not mad or loopy but my immediate family think I am. The stuff that has been told to me is specific to me alone and not to anyone else and I feel so blessed to be able to receive these validations of these souls' existence.
If anyone is interested in reading something very interesting on this topic, may I suggest you read Zoetic Soul by Jan Mayfield as well as visiting the online site, Masters of the Spirit World.
Whether or not you believe at this point in your life won't affect the fact you will go "home"..but just keep an open mind.
PS..I am not related to Jan Mayfield and gain nothing from this, but if ever you've been tempted to visit a medium, Jan should be the one!

ImListening · 14/12/2017 10:34

I would hate to be reincarnated- that thought terrifies me.

Cantspell2 · 14/12/2017 10:44

Earlier this year I watched my husband die. He was told 3 month prior to this on his diagnosis that his prognosis was 2 to 3 months. He lasted 105 days. I lived his living grief that he was leaving us. I saw and felt his fear of dieing and how we left behind would cope in the aftermath. When the time came it was not an easy death. None of this going gently into the night bollocks. I will never tell his sons what he suffered before he died. They saw enough without that knowledge. But the last bit of his dieing was very peaceful. For the last few hours of his life he was too far away for the previous pain to reach him. His breathing got lighter and lighter until it just stopped and he was gone.
I have to believe after all he suffered he is now in a better place again with our family who have gone before. I know one day I will join him there. He lives on in our children but his soul is now home with God.

Bluedad · 14/12/2017 10:49

Was 'out of it' myself once for several minutes after a nasty accident, no St Peter, no Angels, no light at the end of a Tunnel, just an enormous sense of relief that it was all over, no time it doesn't exist, no worry about relatives because they are just like you a consciousness will be here soon anyway, no ego or sense of self identity, an area that i could only best describe as Elysian fields a resting place where I could live out anything I felt like, surfing, riding, whatever.. A shame some bugger came along and resuscitated me in an Ambulance.

KERALA1 · 14/12/2017 10:59

So sorry Cantspell.

I think you are gone like you were before you were born.

Fancifully I think you live on in relatives, children and friends that remember you. Helen Dunmore who died earlier this year did a lovely piece in the guardian about that and I agree.

When my granny was dying she suddenly sat up, became extremely lucid and talked and talked about her childhood, early marriage etc thank god my parents were there. They went to make her a cup of tea and when they re-entered the room she had died. It was her brain having a last push.

Eenymeeny123 · 14/12/2017 11:03

I thought about this a lot throughout the years and I just don't know. It used to scare me when I was younger that there was nothing after death. But then I began to wonder if there is a spiritual world and a person can visit their loved then what would It be like to see them suffering and not be able to do anything about it but just watch. I think that would be worse then simply no longer existing.

Keel · 14/12/2017 12:46

Having lost my dad, mother in law and a close friend I hope death is not the end.

Albadross · 14/12/2017 14:53

The thing is if we damage our brains we can completely change personality - doesn't that throw into question the idea that we have some kind of essence that lives on?

It's all based in biology, and that's why it's so hard for me to fathom I think.

OhPuddleducks · 14/12/2017 15:00

Apparently your body shuts down in a specific order, like when a computer shuts down (if you die naturally). I have a couple of friends who work in hospitals and they’ve said that in the majority of natural deaths the person has a moment of lucidity right before the end. Also like transition when you’re in labour.

Shakey15000 · 14/12/2017 15:06

Whatever happens I'd love to be "present" at my funeral and hear what folk say.

ImListening · 14/12/2017 15:41

Shakey but family & friends may be grief stricken & you could do nothing to help them. That would (to me) be awful.

PoisonousSmurf · 14/12/2017 16:01

You simply are no more. Only a memory. Make it a good one :-)

Gottagetmoving · 14/12/2017 16:08

That's the part that horrified me. The fact you're led in a mortuary with a load if other dead bodies. Then there's the utterly horrifying thought of being laid out in a creepy coffin. Then you have the choice of being put in the damp wrong ground or being shoved in an oven.The whole process is grim

But you won't know anything about it. You will not be conscious or aware of it.
Instead of resisting the idea of death, we should be thankful for having had a life. New lives deserve a chance to experience this world.
The chances/odds of that one sperm meeting that one egg at the exact time to make YOU are beyond millions to one.... So feel fortunate and accept that you can't stay forever.

hollowtree · 14/12/2017 17:34

shakey so would I!

Thebelleofstmarys · 14/12/2017 19:17

Hollowtree- I totally concur with your thoughts.
When my eldest son died , 4 days after his 22nd birthday,with no warning , our family was understandably distraught. However, a few weeks later , I had an unshakeable knowledge, which told me he was totally whole , healed and in a place of utter understanding , far more than that he experienced here on earth , which I carry with me to this day .
Folk may say I imagined this in order to self comfort and take that comfort out to his siblings but it's far more real and solid than that.
I really appreciate your similar thoughts.

MadameJosephine · 14/12/2017 19:24

Sadly thebelleofstmarys I do believe we create these things in our minds to self comfort but I really hope that I am wrong and that you are right. So sorry for your lossFlowers

ginorwine · 14/12/2017 19:33

Slightly away from the subject but when my dear dad was dying I suddenly felt a feeling of immense love and connection . I knew he was very ill but I didn't know he wasn't going to make it - certainly could not entertain that idea . Two days later I was asked to come as they needed to make the decision to discontinue treatment . When I got that lovely feeling I said " hello dad " it felt strongly as if he was with me .