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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that this is a bit shit?

89 replies

HildaZelda · 11/12/2017 19:32

DHL mentioned to me earlier that MIL is getting me a dressing gown for Christmas. Fine, except she got me a dressing gown last Xmas. I'd seen a book I'd like for around the same price so asked if he thought she might get me that instead.
Apparently not. Basically she has supermarket vouchers for a particular shop and so my dressing gown can only come from that shop.
AIBU to feel like I'm not worth a 'proper' present, just a convenient one that doesn't actually require spending money?
I'd actually prefer if she didn't get me anything instead of something like this to be honest.

OP posts:
Snortles · 11/12/2017 21:57

Yanbu OP. I find it strange why it HAS to be a gown. There's heaps of stuff to choose from in the £15 price range. I think when your DH takes her to the supermarket he needs to be a little vocal and direct her towards other things which would be better appreciated.

If she remains stubborn and buys you a gown, well then, thats her xmas present for next year sorted.

Viviennemary · 11/12/2017 21:59

I think that is quite cheeky of your MIL. I'd get her a £10 voucher for that very shop for her present. I probably wouldn't but would feel like it.

cherish123 · 11/12/2017 22:05

Take it back after Christmas.

Cracker09jacker · 11/12/2017 22:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BarbaraofSevillle · 11/12/2017 22:12

MIL is being unreasonable unless the supermarket she has vouchers for only sells dressing gowns. No-one who got a dressing gown last Christmas needs another one this year.

She can either buy something else, like wine or a book if the shop sells it, orshe can buy her normal groceries with the supermarket voucher and use the money saved to buy a present from elsewhere. If I got a second dressing gown, I'd just give my least favourite one to charity.

girlingerrupting · 11/12/2017 22:13

My MIL only ever gives me presents she's received Nd is re-gifting so I know how you feel. Ive given up caring and now leave all her present buying to DH and move on. Most of the time I just bin the present she's pretending to care I pretend to like it and move on

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 11/12/2017 22:14

I don't see Christmas gifts as a chance to get something I really want. If I want something, then it's up to me to buy it.

If someone buys me something, I say thank you. That's it. If I love it, all the better.

If there are issues about who likes/respects/loves who, then try to sort it out, but separate them from giving/receiving gifts.

Some lovely people are crap at buying presents. I have an awful close relation who is all kinds of bad things, but buys beautiful, well-chosen gifts.

I would rather no gift than a gift that was so ill thought out that it was brought just because they had vouchers and they felt obliged to get the OP something

I wouldn't give two hoots. Someone had vouchers and chose to spend them on me. I've had some crap presents over the years from nice people, and nice presents from horrible people. My response is simply to say thank you and sort the shit stuff out some other time.

Making an issue over gifts to 'make a point' by either the person buying or the recipient is rarely a marvellous idea.

Charolais · 11/12/2017 22:20

You are a proper Gimme Gimme aren’t you.

Older people have bad memories and you should be grateful (look that word up) that she even is alive and remembers it’s Christmas.

Since last Christmas I have lost three people (they died) who were near and dear to me.

Diamondangel8 · 11/12/2017 22:23

Obviously not got much going on, to get this upset over a dressing gown. I think it's nice she is buying you something, don't be so ungrateful. Why don't you just tell her not to bother getting you anything? There's no need for her to spend money on you anyway.

Flippertyjibbetty · 11/12/2017 22:26

I feel you, Hilda. It's horrible to feel like someone is ticking the box. It's about her, not you.

Hope DH gets you something lovely and thoughtful and you have a lovely xmas :)

tobitcoinornottobitcoin · 11/12/2017 22:28

I wouldn't be spending time worrying about it. Unless she has form for making you feel like shit of course. In which case think up a witty thank you for 25th...

Neverender · 11/12/2017 22:33

Take what you're given and buy you own books. Christmas is awful for give give give. Say thank you and move on.

Neverender · 11/12/2017 22:33

Grown ups with gift lists are horrific.

RidingWindhorses · 11/12/2017 22:43

Just tell her that you're not going to choose one as she gave you one last year so you don't need one. Say you don't want her wasting her money on something you already have.

RidingWindhorses · 11/12/2017 22:46

Grown ups with gift lists are horrific.

On the contrary I ask for lists for all my family.

I don't want waste hours coming up with items that either people don't want or already have.

With a list, they get what they want and I dont waste my money.

Sandyfeet101 · 11/12/2017 22:57

Why did he tell you what his Mum was planning to buy you? Aren’t presents supposed to be a surprise?

sadie9 · 11/12/2017 23:03

I would just drop it and go and do as she asks. Get your DP to tell her to include the receipt. Your MIL is a tight wad with issues, but no amount of behavioural strategies on your behalf will change that.
Just get her something from the same shop for around the same price. What age is she? Did she always behave like this or is it something new...

Flippertyjibbetty · 11/12/2017 23:12

Sensible suggestion from sadie9.

Although hanging on to it and regifting next year would be revenge served cold if you could be bothered to hold onto it all year! Just moving on is healthiest :)

Original poster
HildaZelda · 11/12/2017 23:19

Would love to regift it next year but I'm a size 8 and she's a size 22.

OP posts:
counterpoint · 11/12/2017 23:23

But vouchers ARE money! Saved, earned, whatever.
What does it matter what she uses for the transaction?
Bitcoins, euros, credit cards, green stamps ...

Swirlingasong · 11/12/2017 23:23

Don't just go and choose one. I have suffered from this sort of thing and ending up effectively doing everyone else's shopping for them. You shouldn't feel you have to spend your time shopping for something you don't want. I would just smile sweetly and tell your MiL that you are sure whichever she chooses will be lovely.

Itchytights · 11/12/2017 23:29

I wish my MIL was still alive.

Threads like this make me Angry

For goodness sake, it’s a Christmas present.

Get over yourself and buy your own book.

Taylor22 · 11/12/2017 23:42

@Itchytights you can have my MIL. She's a narcissistic hell bitch who finds pleasure in the misery of others.

Or pop out of your bubble. Because people who don't understand that everyone's lives and relationships are different really make me grrrr Wink

HotelEuphoria · 12/12/2017 05:47

I know this isn't about the dressing own but about the voucher gift. She shouldn't have said you are the nominated voucher recipient, in fact she could have spent the voucher on her shopping and bought you a gift from elsewhere. Her son should be telling her this, but maybe everyone is getting voucher gifts and she has saved her club card vouchers all year.

The vouchers wouldn't bother me as such, but I would be telling her I don't want a bloody dressing gown thank you, I want a bottle of Bombay Sapphire instead!

Ilovetolurk · 12/12/2017 06:25

My DM does this, I end up with Christmas presents she wants to buy as she enjoys shopping, yet she gives me her list to buy from for her

It’s a family joke now but it annoyed me for quite a while

I would suggest you relax and take it back after Christmas and put the money towards your book rather than letting it upset you

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