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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that this is a bit shit?

89 replies

HildaZelda · 11/12/2017 19:32

DHL mentioned to me earlier that MIL is getting me a dressing gown for Christmas. Fine, except she got me a dressing gown last Xmas. I'd seen a book I'd like for around the same price so asked if he thought she might get me that instead.
Apparently not. Basically she has supermarket vouchers for a particular shop and so my dressing gown can only come from that shop.
AIBU to feel like I'm not worth a 'proper' present, just a convenient one that doesn't actually require spending money?
I'd actually prefer if she didn't get me anything instead of something like this to be honest.

OP posts:
MikeUniformMike · 11/12/2017 20:37

Your MIL is clueless not shit. DH should tell her when they're shopping that the excellent dressing gown she gave you last year will last you a long time and that you don't need a new one.

eloisesparkle · 11/12/2017 20:43

Why would you need a dressing gown replaced after a year ?
Mine last for years.

Diamondangel8 · 11/12/2017 20:47

OMG don't mean to laugh, but this is proper first world problems!!

user1468353179 · 11/12/2017 20:50

My MIL used to always buy our gifts from M&S so we could return them .One year I got driving gloves!

MikeUniformMike · 11/12/2017 20:54

Are you my SonIL? (I wouldn't buy driving gloves but do the M&S presents)

dudsville · 11/12/2017 20:57

I think you have to shrug these things off. Get someone what you want to get them. Their next present may be influenced by what they got you. Maybe not. My brother never gives presents or cards. Sometimes I get him something anyway. Sometimes I don't.

MinorRSole · 11/12/2017 21:01

I have 2 dressing gowns and would welcome a 3rd. I wear them like a housecoat all winter Smile

And supermarket vouchers are still money, if she didn't buy you something with them she could spend them on herself

The only issue is knowingly getting you something you don't want. Your dh needs to persuade her towards something else or just return it after Christmas for something you do want

cunningartificer · 11/12/2017 21:03

I think often rubbish presents come because people seriously have no idea of what you would like...it’s not they don’t love you. I’m very aware how I may get things wrong myself giving people stuff I would like... so though you may find misplaced presents insulting actually it’s easier to give them a strong steer. So I have something I like (let’s say cats) so anything cat related is fine. Or say how you love shortbread SO much. I remember how our in laws used to get dc lots of rubbish but expensive stuff. I told them they’d love to have one or two bits of brio track, and were saving for them. They were delighted by the reaction when they got some and over the years we ended up with masses of brio!

cunningartificer · 11/12/2017 21:04

Also have you thought that she might like a dressing gown herself?!

MikeUniformMike · 11/12/2017 21:07

If she gives you another dressing gown, put it away and regift it to her next year.

Jaffalong · 11/12/2017 21:10

Can she get the book from that supermarket? Most supermarkets sell books online unless yours is a specific subject area. That would be a win win situation for you both, you get your wanted book & she gets to spend her vouchers.

Original poster
HildaZelda · 11/12/2017 21:16

Okay, I don't think people are really getting this. It's not about a dressing gown as such. It's that I feel like as far as MIL is concerned I'm not really worth a proper present (and no, I don't mean an expensive one) but I was told by DH "Mil is getting you a dressing gown from supermarket X because she has vouchers for there. She wants you to go and look at them and tell her which one, for around £15"

I might buy something for someone with vouchers, but I certainly wouldn't tell them, wouldn't tell them how much I was spending on them and make them feel like an after thought.
As I said, she is quite well off and not on a budget. It's not about what the present is or the price of it, it's more the way she's gone about it.
I don't know, maybe i'm just not explaining it very well?

OP posts:
Taylor22 · 11/12/2017 21:21

In the nicest way possible I'm team MIL with regards to the gift voucher then.
You're far enough 'removed' that she can try and save some money.
I purposely got my in laws presents from Boots because I had loads of points.
It's Christmas. It's a very expensive time of year. The best way to make it less expensive is to be frugal where you can.

Swirlingasong · 11/12/2017 21:21

If she wants you to go and choose it, it seems odd that she is dictating it has to be a dressing gown. Can you not just 'fall in love' with something you actually would find useful and get dh to get her to get that instead?

WishingOnABar · 11/12/2017 21:22

In that case I would second mikeuniformmike and just keep it to regift back to her next year, for birthday maybe? She will know it cost you nothing and will see how it feels

CougheeBean · 11/12/2017 21:22

YANBU, I doubt she means it but it does say something about her by doing this. My MIL is lovely but I can’t help but find her gifts slightly insulting - last year I got a Poundland toiletry set from a charity shop. Not only did it it have a £1 label, it had a 50p RSPCA label too. Never had so much as a text at my birthday. She’s lucky we get on, otherwise I would be inclined to stop reminding her son to contact / see her. Some people, probably like your MIL and mine, believe very strongly in “it’s the thought that’s counts” and unconditional gratitude, but fail to actually give any thought.

WishingOnABar · 11/12/2017 21:23

Then you can save the money you would spend on her birthday to buy yourself something nice Grin

BenNevis2017 · 11/12/2017 21:24

How bizarre! I'd be quite pissed off to be "ordered" to go and pick something out that I didn't want anyway!

MikeUniformMike · 11/12/2017 21:27

I like you Wishing. And she couldn't change it cos it was a year old.

PurpleMinionMummy · 11/12/2017 21:33

Yanbu op. I wonder about people who insist on getting something despite being told you won't like it. I mean why?! Your mil can easily use the vouchers to get your book or wine.

We had a family member who used to do it. Would message me to say x or y for dh, then get the opposite to what I said he would prefer Confused. We tried to say no more presents for adults several years in a row, as early as september one year but were always met with ' but we've already bought it' despite them never asking until two wks before xmas for the kids Hmm. We've put a stop to it now and I'd rather have nothing than something they've explicitly been told we wouldn't use.

Maelstrop · 11/12/2017 21:43

Ask for the voucher instead and get a decent bottle of plonk.

bertiesgal · 11/12/2017 21:44

Going against the grain here but why are adults giving each other presents if it causes this degree of upset?

We've agreed that couples with children don't get anything as we just gift the kids instead. I buy gifts for my elderly aunts etc but I'd never expect anything from them. My MIL won't be getting me anything this year as we've all agreed that we're adults.

I know every family dies things things differently but I just can't believe the number of adults who get upset over stupid gifts.

Chill out and try to enjoy each other-none of us know how long we have (especially with Trump on the rampage Confused).

I don't mean to sound critical or smug but every year these threads confuse the heck out of me!

MrsWhirly · 11/12/2017 21:48

My MIL has never brought me a Christmas present!

Sevendown · 11/12/2017 21:49

Instructing you to choose one is weird.

Tiddlywinks63 · 11/12/2017 21:53

Be bloody thankful it isn't the bar of used soap and a flannel mil gave me for three consecutive years until dh told her to stop.
I know she was strange but........😳