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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not buy birthday gifts for others kids...

81 replies

Toughtips · 11/12/2017 13:31

We have 3 birthday parties to go to in December. I wasn't thinking straight when it came to accepting them. I just can't afford to get a gift for each of those at this time of year. AIBU to just send a card?

OP posts:
QuilliamCakespeare · 11/12/2017 14:07

As mother of a December baby I think it's really unfair that you wouldn't get them a present. I understand it's an expensive time of year but it's a real shame for kids to lose out because they're born near Christmas - it's not their fault! There are loads of books for £3/£4 on Amazon. Look for something like 'The Dinosaur That Pooped A Planet' that's always a hit and is v cheap.

acornfed · 11/12/2017 14:10

I personally couldn't care less if a child brings a gift to my child's party or not. My children wouldn't either as they get so many and just wouldn't notice.

If I was in your shoes I'd have a quiet word with the host and hopefully they would take the same approach as I do about presents

PinkHeart5914 · 11/12/2017 14:12

But lots of people feel the pinch this time of year so you no different to anyone else really are you? Yet other people won’t turn up empty handed with the lame excuse of oh I forgot it was December and I wouldn’t afford it

It’s not the birthday persons fault they was born in December, your happy for your dc to enjoy the party you just don’t want to send a gift.

Decline a party? It’s rude but better than turning up empty handed and if you tell them now they might be able to fill your child’s space

Belleoftheball8 · 11/12/2017 14:12

I always get presents in that are in the half price sales I got two pints from 3.50 half price that were perfectly nice gifts. Could you look at somewhere at the works? I would suggest something it’s not their fault there Birthday in December, I speak as someone who’s birthday is after Christmas and always seems to be an after thought.

Buck3t · 11/12/2017 14:13

As a December born child this is absolute crap. And totally unfair, and will live on until forever.

As an adult mother of children, I'd rather you attended the party and not worry too much about this kind of thing nor explain your situation to me. FFS it's Christmas, I get it. I think the colouring books is a great idea. Probably get away with spending less than £5.

Christmas is every year, but you never think about these birthdays especially for the first couple of years at school.

Bucks

Killerfiller · 11/12/2017 14:13

When I was in primary my mum sent me
To a party wiTh no gift it was so awful as soon as
I got there the older sister put her hand out to get the present . I still makes me awkward to this day thinking about it.

If you cannot afford a present don't go.

Belleoftheball8 · 11/12/2017 14:13

Pony’s sets not pints boost auto correct

Babybrainx2 · 11/12/2017 14:15

I don't think it's fair that a child goes without because they were born in December. Go for token presents this year as they are young and won't realise, but keep their birthday in mind next year. Dec/Jan birthdays are regularly screwed over because people are so busy with Christmas. It would be nice if you were one of the ones who made their birthday special, rather than an afterthought.

MaroonPencil · 11/12/2017 14:16

How about the kids make the birthday cards, that might save a bit to go towards the Poundland box of maltesers (which is a perfectly fine present).

Decline a party? It’s rude but better than turning up empty handed and if you tell them now they might be able to fill your child’s space

No. What is rude is turning a party into some kind of transaction -you bring a present, I pay for your child's place at our party. It is beyond rude to expect everyone who comes to your party to bring a present, as it is to expect a party bag when you go to a party. Even my kids know that.

TheAntiBoop · 11/12/2017 14:16

I think a token gift would be the right thing to do with a homemade card

Whatever you do though don't wrap it in Christmas paper!!!

Moanyoldcow · 11/12/2017 14:20

I wouldn't give a monkey's if you didn't buy a present for my DC but came to the party. Would much rather that they had a nice time all together and that my DC had his friends there.

Original poster
Toughtips · 11/12/2017 14:21

Thanks for the replies. I only asked as my daughter once received a card and that's fine by me. It's not that I've not planned it's just the fact that I'm always skint. I'll just have a look for something cheap or put some money in a card then and take the hit this time. Will politely decline next year.

OP posts:
AvoidingDM · 11/12/2017 14:26

I wouldn't go or at least get a pound land book or something.

Kids parties are as much about learning the etiquette of invite, reply, gift, thank-you as they are anything else.

I wouldn't want to teach my kids it's ok to turn up empty handed to a party. But on the other hand I'd hate a child to miss out on my kids party because of finances.

Original poster
Toughtips · 11/12/2017 14:27

Yeah I do get it. I wasn't planning on being so skint. Doesn't help that all these parties are before payday tbh but I'll get something.

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 11/12/2017 14:29

I think you need to find the money and take a small gift to the parties. That was very noble of your son CheeseyToast and you are right to be proud of him. But not everyone thinks that way.

LittleMyLikesSnuffkin · 11/12/2017 14:30

I really wouldn’t mind at all if you came to my child’s party without a gift odds are if it’s a whole class party I wouldn’t even notice. And neither will they. But if you did mention it to me that you were unable to get birthday child a present certainly wouldn’t be an issue. But judging by some of the replies here some people would mind which I think is a shame.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 11/12/2017 14:30

Will politely decline next year

Why? Again, bit unfair on the Birthday child if it's a friend. Can't you just learn from this year and buy a cheap book or small item in advance?

ReanimatedSGB · 11/12/2017 14:31

For kids that little, something from a pound shop is fine. Our local poundshops do all sorts of perfectly nice kids' books, toys, colouring pens, etc.
TBH I do a fair bit of my Christmas shopping in pound shops and charity shops, because I am fairly skint. You can often get stuff that's second hand but looks new, for example.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 11/12/2017 14:31

Do you keep baking ingredients in the house? You could give batches of cookies or crispy cakes or whatever.
Can't believe the people saying no gift don't go!! It's almost like saying poor kids don't deserve to have friends Sad.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 11/12/2017 14:33

But if you did mention it to me that you were unable to get birthday child a present certainly wouldn’t be an issue

I agree, but say something in advance.

Just letting a child turn up empty handed and maybe feeling horribly awkward about it isn't fair.

Snowinhell · 11/12/2017 14:33

My GD’s favourite present for her birthday was a pack of blank cut out dolls and felts. They were £1 each.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 11/12/2017 14:33

I would want your child to come OP, my kids (not born around Christmas) are getting enough stuff at Christmas as it is - as are many other children. They want their friends to come whenever there's something we're doing, that's all they care about.

If I was this child's mum and you mentioned it to me, I'd reassure you. It's nice to see that quite a lot of posters would do the same.

The posters telling you not to go must be raising some entitled children and I wouldn't be encouraging those friendships because I wouldn't want that blinkered selfishness rubbing off.

gurteenKnowledge · 11/12/2017 14:35

Toughtips

Why decline?

You don't need to feel embarrassed and if you're that worried, 3 x £1 books means you have something to give. I would take it as a huge compliment if I were the host and you were comfortable enough to be honest with me.

CoffeeChocolateWine · 11/12/2017 14:35

If it was my child and my child's party and a Mum said to me that their child would love to come to the party but they couldn't afford to buy a present, I would probably say that my child would still love for them to come a share their birthday with them regardless.

However, if my child was invited to a party and I couldn't afford a present then I'd have to decline. Parents spend a lot of money on parties to treat their child and friends...I just couldn't bring myself to go along and not give a little something in return.

QuimReaper · 11/12/2017 14:37

The 3 and 4yos won't have the faintest idea what's going on, a token gift will be more than fine for them!

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