To be a bit anal about car seats?

[Chocwocdoodah]

I’m often asked to give other parents’ kids lifts. Or other parents offer to take my children places in their car. But I always feel a bit of a prat asking if I can borrow an extra seat for their kid/ offer to lend mine if they’re driving my kid. I’m often met with a surprised reaction.

I just don’t feel comfortable with my child not being properly restrained in someone else’s car or driving an unrestrained child in my car. Not to mention, you can get fined for it. I feel really anxious when a situation like this comes up as I feel like the car seat police.

Just me?

I thought I was quite anal about car seats - my children rear faced til 2ish, 3.5 year old is still in a harnessed seat, 7 year old is still in a hbb - but actually after 5 I'm fairly relaxed and certainly wouldn't worry about my 7 year old getting a short lift without a booster.

It’s likely that the child needing a lift back from normally travels on public transport and therefore has a much lower risk of a car accident over the period of time they require a car seat anyway. I only ever accept an offer of a lift, I would never ask, but I do find the car seat finicky-ness on mumsnet a bit strange.

I don’t take children unless in the correct car seats. And if my child is getting a lift I hand over a car seat.

Only once recently has my son (5) been in a car without the correct car seat. That’s because I took him to hospital for our baby scan. Then ended up at hospital another couple of hours. As it approached lunchtime I rang around loads of friends to see if anyone could pick him up and take him to school on time for lunch. The one who was available didn’t have a spare seat, it was a 10 minute journey, I was waiting to be seen by a consultant and my car was a good few minutes walk from where I was. So I literally handed him over and went back in. I would call that an unplanned necessary trip. But would not like to do it again.

How did this mother who wanted a lift get to the party in the first place? I’m curious to know. If she got a lift there and was hoping to grab a lift from someone else she should have taken her seat in with her. I’m trying to play devil’s advocate and give her a good reason for needing an unplanned lift home therefore warranting a lift without car seat but I can’t think of one.

Having seen first hand the damage done to children who are not restrained/restrained incorrectly or on a booster cushion, my DS only ever uses HBB and will only transport other children with HBB. We have refused lifts and refused giving lifts for this reason. This is my issue and I completely own it. There are probably other things I do that others wouldn't.

I'm totally with you, I've refused lifts with no booster and dd certainly won't be in a car with just a seat belt, why would you risk it!

Lnfb she may have come on public transport but by the end of the party the weather had changed or it had got dark/late and she was dreading the long journey home with a tired out child.

But yes she really should have planned ahead.

Its sensible isn't it? I have bought extra boosters in the back of my car for when we give friends lifts. I always ask people if they have a booster seat when they take my child somewhere and no one has looked surprised yet.

A friend once took DD out in a bloody small booster polystyrene crappy thing, i nearly had heart failure

If she's 2 then fair enough, if she's 5+ then you are being ridiculous for a short trip/ in a taxi etc.

It's interesting because for HBB to be safer they need to be fitted correctly. Just bunging them into any old car isn't an ideal or better solution either.

Both of mine (5 and 8) are in HBB in our cars so I am not slack about car seats.

I don't think you're being unreasonable OP. In your position I'd buy an extra booster or two to keep in the boot for other people's kids. And simply give your DC a cheap booster to take with them whenever they're driven by someone else. No discussion needed.

And I've got a spare booster cushion in each car, which I usually stick in the front with my own child on it and put other people's dc in the back in hbbs. But I am fine with other parents putting my DCs on cushions. No one has ever let them travel without one at all although my 8yo probably is 135 now anyway.

My daughter is 7 and doesn't legally need one. Me, my partner and my parents all have a hbb or a booster though as the seat belt is then more comfortable. If she has to go in someone elses, she just has a seatbelt. I believe that one off short journeys are okay, but if a seat is available why wouldn't you use it?

I keep a booster in my boot for occasions like this.

DD is 7 (nearly 8) and recently took the normal booster on a school trip (little mini bus, school owned) she was the only one who did, her teacher thought I was mad. Ho hum.

I don't think it's anal, I think it's totally normal. The vast majority of children at our school get into hbb seats at school pick up time and none of them seem to question it. If anyone offers or asks for a lift the next question is always 'do you have a spare car seat?'

It is bliss when they grow big enough to not have to worry about it though.

OP, I think you can avoid the embarrassment by buying a cheap spare booster seat, and keeping it in your boot. And make sure you always send your daughter out with her own seat - no one would object to that.

Also, why not drop a note to the school and ask them if they will (in their next newsletter) remind parents of the seatbelt/car-seat rules? (you could draft it for them). My school would certainly not have an problem with issuing such guidance.

DS's old school had a great poster with height chart and recommended car seat type by height plus when they could stop. Displayed in the office area.