Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Age gap between children....

42 replies

Givemeallthechocolate · 10/12/2017 19:50

Is 12 years too big of an age gap?

I've had fertility issues, looks possible that I may conceive in the future if I keep on the way I'm going but I'm worried that it may be too big of an age gap- if successful!

OP posts:
Namesarehard · 10/12/2017 19:54

My eldest two children were 10 & 12 when our youngest was born. So we've had a close age gap and a big one. It's fine. No problems here.

Somethingfantastic89 · 10/12/2017 19:56

8 year between my eldest and youngest (though 2 in between). I love how older ones care about the little ones.

formerbabe · 10/12/2017 19:56

What do you mean 'too big an age gap'. Too big for what? I mean they won't be playmates but that's not much of a reason to not have a second.

NumbersLetters · 10/12/2017 19:58

I am the youngest of a large family. Closest to my sis who is 10 years older than me. I feel very privileged to have her in my life and I think she has always enjoyed the set up too !

flynn80 · 10/12/2017 20:02

If its what you want I dont think an age gap makes any difference, Ive seen close gaps and the siblings hate each other, likewise there is 10 years between me and my brother, hes my best friend and always has been.

(On a side note OP, and you dont have to share if you dont want to Id be interested to know whats changed with your fertility issues as I've been struggling with mine for the last 4 years and have been given no hope by the doctors. feel free to pm me rather than discuss here if you choose to.)

Socksey · 10/12/2017 20:06

A friend of mine has a 21 year age gap.... she was 16 when she had her DD and 37 when she had her DS....

Indigokitten · 10/12/2017 20:06

When our eldest was 10, middle boy appeared, then a daughter less than 2 years later. Younger 2 are very close, would have wished the same for the firstborn DS, however circumstances weren’t appropriate at that time

BobbinThreadbare123 · 10/12/2017 20:10

There's 10 and 13 years between two of us and our youngest sibling. I'm very close to the 'baby' and I think it's a nice thing for my mum to have had extra help when we were kids as we were old enough to babysit etc.

Charlottelouisa · 10/12/2017 20:10

I had a daughter in 2006. When she was 2 we started trying for another , could not fall pregnant again. 8 years later we resorted to clomid and thankfully it worked first time in 2016 and I had another daughter but they are nearly 10 years apart. Then when my youngest daughter was 5 months old i found out I was pregnant again (naturally) 😱 and have birth to our son 8 weeks ago.
I love being a mum and age gaps do not mean a thing. I’d go for it

ReverseGiraffe · 10/12/2017 20:12

There will be nearly 6 years between DD and DC2 when they're born. There's 20 years between one of my DBs and I Grin

Imaginosity · 10/12/2017 20:14

One of my nieces is 21 and her little sister is 6. Although they are at different stages they are very close. They enjoy baking cakes together, watching movies, going shopping, going out for a treat in the coffee shop.

My SILs (who are sisters) are about 11 years apart and very close. Now that they are both adults with their own children the age difference is irrelevant.

choccybiscuit · 10/12/2017 20:15

13 years between dd1 and 2. 7 years between dd2 and ds. Love it! Had no problems at all.

Summerisdone · 10/12/2017 20:26

There’s 17 years between myself and my youngest sister and we get on brilliantly. Granted I have a sister 6 years younger and twin sisters 13 years younger so DM didn’t leave such a huge gap between kids, but the age gap has never been a problem with us from the perspective of the child.

For DM she had a built in babysitter with me when the twins and the youngest were born, and she always says she likes the fact there wasn’t the sibling bickering between myself and the younger 3 that has been there between themselves and was there between me and the sister just 6 years younger.

The only downside for me is that now I’m 28 and the younger ones are 14 and 11, they sometimes go on about how ancient I am and think I’m too old to be ‘cool’ Hmm, but I honestly think most of what they say is just to torment me as they know I dread getting old Wink

Dutch1e · 10/12/2017 21:17

16 years between my kids. It's like having two only children, but they adore each other

Original poster
Givemeallthechocolate · 11/12/2017 00:11

Thanks all, I just worried a bit, especially if DD is reaching the stroppy teenage stage and a new baby comes along! Just wasn't so sure how it worked out, myself and my sisters have a total of 5 1/2 years between us so I don't really know!

DD isn't very keen on the idea now, she very much wanted a sibling, but it just wasn't happening for us! And now she's very much changed her mind, I'm hoping her mind will change when it happens!

Thank you all!

OP posts:
Original poster
Givemeallthechocolate · 11/12/2017 00:13

Charlottelouisa- glad to hear clomid helped! That's what I've been promised when my BMI is lower! We're you taking that with Metformin?
Sorry for the questions!

OP posts:
devuskums · 11/12/2017 00:25

Go for it if you think it is right for you and your family! I did and have just had still born son at 23 weeks but I dont regret it for an instant

Lollipop30 · 11/12/2017 00:32

I don’t think there’s a wrong age gap, but each one would have a different dynamic.

There’s 10yrs between myself and my brothers. It’s a very different age gap/dynamic than that of DH and sis in law which is 16mths.

TheFormidableMrsC · 11/12/2017 00:45

My eldest is 19 (DD) and my second child is 6 (DS). It's been challenging. You are just dealing with two lots of different needs I guess. We're a single parent household now and the dynamic works well generally, also until she goes to uni, DD is happy to babysit so that I do have a bit of a life. My mum and her sister had an age gap of 10 years. It didn't work very well when they were small but as adults, they really were best friends and couldn't have been closer. Don't let an age gap put you off! Good luck!

Charlottelouisa · 11/12/2017 08:50

No not metformin. I took it with pregnyl injection which I’d highly recommend.
I’d take the clomid in days 2-6 of my cycle. Start having scans around day 11 every other day and when my follicles were big enough then they would give me the pregnyl injection that forces release of the follicle (egg) and told me to literally have sex as much as poss within the next 24-48 hrs. It worked first time which unfortunatley resulted in a miscarriage but when I was ready to try again it worked first time again! I’d say clomid and pregnyl combined is a higher success rate than justv1 on its own x

CurlyRover · 11/12/2017 09:07

A friend of mine was almost 15 when her DSis was born and her older brother was 19. Fast forward 16 years and the older two are not particularly close to their younger DSis. At the same time they could've been born 12 months apart and still not be close.

If you want another DC and you're happy to go back to sleepless nights and nappies, don't let the worry of the age gap put you off.

Mummyloves09 · 11/12/2017 09:08

I will have a 8 year age gap.

I really think it depends on the circumstances if I had a baby early it wouldn't have worked out well for dc1.

CurlyRover · 11/12/2017 09:10

Meant to say, my friend was shocked when she found out she was going to be an older sister but soon got used to the idea and then loved having her baby DSis around. I'm sure your DD would come around to the idea.

Besides, teenagers are grumpy no matter what. If she wasn't grumpy about the prospect of a baby, she'd just be grumpy about something else Wink

Mugshotzforlunch · 11/12/2017 09:22

We have 10.5 years between ours and they are so close. They have been smitten with each other from day one.
We tried for 8 years and gave up. We told ds on his 10th birthday.
On the other hand my 2 nephew's have only 14 months between them and they hate each other.
I think it depends on parenting as well.

Allthetuppences · 11/12/2017 09:24

My mother is one of 4. She has always been closest to the youngest sibling she is the eldest. They now both care for their ill mother who lives with my mother and see each other every day.