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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Age gap between children....

42 replies

Givemeallthechocolate · 10/12/2017 19:50

Is 12 years too big of an age gap?

I've had fertility issues, looks possible that I may conceive in the future if I keep on the way I'm going but I'm worried that it may be too big of an age gap- if successful!

OP posts:
thecatsthecats · 11/12/2017 09:30

My older brother and sister are 14 and 12 years older respectively, and I have a sister 3 years older too.

It was no problem at all! At least for the kids. I would never do it that way, just because my parents restarted the school run for me when my brother went off to uni. But that's your choice and your effort.

Popsicle434544 · 12/12/2017 10:24

There is a 16 year age gap between my 2 daughters, dd1 is almost 19 and dd2 almost 3, they hav an amazing relationship.

VileyRose · 12/12/2017 10:35

There is 13 yrs between my eldest and youngest. I LOVE the big age gap. Much better than the closer gaps I had.

chiaseeddisapointmentagain · 12/12/2017 10:37

Same age gap here between my DB and I.

He has autism and i have a life of caring for him now my parents health is declining. It wasn't my choice to have him and now he is my responsibility.

Montsti · 12/12/2017 15:39

8 years between my eldest and youngest (with 2 in between) like a previous poster but I actually find the big age gap easier. Basically if I only had the 8 year old and newborn and not the 5 & 3 year olds, life would be a breeze as the eldest is really helpful!

lessthanBeau · 12/12/2017 17:25

I have a 15 year gap between my middle and youngest. Oldest dc almost 3 yrs gap they are very close. Ds nearly 18 and away to uni when dd2 was born and then he's been travelling since graduating, so almost strangers. 14yr old dd1 was super excited for new baby, however we stupidly took her to the first scan where a mmc was discovered, she was so heartbroken over this that when I got pg with dd2 she decided she wasnt having anything to do with her, dd2 is now almost 9 and things have always been strained between them, dd1 tries a bit more with her now but after years of being ignored dd2 doesn't really trust dd1 it's such a shame, I wish I could have seen what the relationship could have been like if only dd1 wasn't afraid of being so hurt again.

Enko · 12/12/2017 17:38

Good friend has a 17 year age gap between number 1 and 2 she said the worst thing about it was everyone assumed it was a 2nd marriage. (and in the scheme of things she knew this was a little thing)

RestingGrinchFace · 12/12/2017 17:39

It depends on your first child obviously but assuming that they don't need special care I don't see the problem.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 12/12/2017 17:42

DS has two older half brothers who are 13 and 19 years older than him. He is very close to the one next up from him, they have a fab relationship. The older one is not close for various reasons but none related to the age gap.

bellweather · 12/12/2017 17:43

My older sister and I are 11 years apart, similar to you my mum had fertilityissues that was finally resolved after 10 years

We weren’t close growing up but now that we are older, and adults we are very close

Smoochyschmoo · 12/12/2017 17:50

Mine are 10.5, 8.5 & nearly 5 months. 10yo is completely besotted with baby, can’t walk by him with oohing & ahing & trying to get hold of him. 8yo enjoys him from a distance. Time will tell how they will be when he’s a toddler and annoying them though!

They’re old enough (and because they are keen) that if he’s being fussy and I need to get something done I can leave them to entertain him for 5-10 minutes, I’m not sure how I’d cope without them!

stuckfornames · 12/12/2017 19:12

19 years between my oldest and youngest sister! That's worked out fine!

Eyebrows2016 · 12/12/2017 21:31

My brother is 12 years older than me. At every age it’s been great. He’s been my go to big brother. He’s 47 now and it’s still true.

Unfinishedkitchen · 12/12/2017 21:56

Some people think if you have kids close together they’re guaranteed best friends for life. However, it’s personalities that make friendships not age. I’m NC with ‘D’B1 who’s 18 months apart from me but close to DB2 who’s 6 years apart from me.

I’ve also seen kids close in age start off close, partly because you kind of have to when you live in the same house with your parents encouraging you to do everything together, but drift apart once they get their own friends etc as they are their own people.

Go for it. Age doesn’t guarantee BFF. By the time one’s 31 and the other’s 43 will it matter?

Maddiemademe · 13/12/2017 06:54

I was 11 when my brother was born and I used to help look after him every day. My mum was thankful for the help and I loved taking care of him.

We are now 33 and 21 and I am closer to him than my 35 year old brother.

Goldenhedgehogs · 13/12/2017 07:09

Devuskums, I am sorry for your loss Flowers

SomewhatIdiosyncratic · 13/12/2017 07:37

17 years is quite common in my family!

I've never lived with my sibling, and rarely lived nearby, but I've always liked having a younger sibling and we're building more of a relationship now we're both adults.

Larger sibling gaps can often work well because they're less intense than having to live with a sibling very close in age.

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