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AIBU?

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Original poster

You shouldn't use the term SAHM if...

316 replies

TheJennaThing · 10/12/2017 16:21

You don't have children at home during the day? As in, they're in school.
I'm all for SAHP if they're children are actually at home but unless your OH earns mega bucks and you don't need to work surely SAHM isn't the right term if you just decide you're not going to work when you're kids are at school.

OP posts:
JacquesHammer · 10/12/2017 17:10

@SpiritedLondon

Your situation has no bearing on other people's reasoning though.

I made a decision for JUST those reasons coupled with the demands of then ex-H's job.

Now I'm a single parent I work school hours coupled with longer hours on days when she has clubs.

SandyDenny · 10/12/2017 17:10

Some posters are coming across as very touchy about this, why do you care so much? It does sound very defensive, if you're comfortable with choosing not to work why get so het up?

happypoobum · 10/12/2017 17:11

Total stab in the dark here OP, but I just wondered if you were sickeningly jealous of someone you know who has the absolute fucking audacity to call themselves a SAHM and have a "life of leisure" when you don't?

Firesuit · 10/12/2017 17:11

Mine? The same as the dictionary’s. It means you aren’t employed. As in, you don’t have a job.

The first definition google brings up:-

Unemployment is a phenomenon that occurs when a person who is actively searching for employment is unable to find work

The first dictionary definition that google brings up:-

without a paid job but available to work.

Someone who does not want a job is not "available to work".

WunWun · 10/12/2017 17:11

I was previously a SAHM, then 'economically inactive' while she was in reception, now I work part time in school hours. So technically I am I a SAHM now by the OP's standards as I stay at home while she is home?

I actually did devote loads more time to my DD last year when I wasn't working and she was at school, because now I have no spare time to do as much housework.

happypoobum · 10/12/2017 17:12

And anyway, even when the DC are at school, there's still the goats to take care of - so YABVVU

GreyMorning · 10/12/2017 17:12

I'm an employed SAHM 😎 when your husband owns the company you can get away with doing very little to earn a salary. Best of both worlds!

NeverTwerkNaked · 10/12/2017 17:12

Traditionally someone who spent their days doing that would have referred to themself as a housewife edith

It sounds tedious to me. I’d rather spend the school day and evenings working around my kids than mopping the floor.

DonkeyOaty · 10/12/2017 17:12

OP you sound a bit sour. Has someone been yanking your chain in RL?

Louiselouie0890 · 10/12/2017 17:13

Do you think mums just go home and stand in a room. Being a mum doesn't mean spending 24/7 with your kids. There's also a house to run chores to do. Oh and God forbid- having a life.

NataliaOsipova · 10/12/2017 17:13

Unemployed does not mean you are seeking employment.

It does (possibly loosely, as I'm sure some people claim unemployment benefit while claiming to look for a job even if not actually doing so). But you will seriously misunderstand any employment statistics if you define it in that way.

GloriaGutbucket · 10/12/2017 17:14

Op you do realise not all sahm receive benefits

This. I was a SAHM and I've never claimed any, or even been entitled to any benefits. Amongst my SAHM friends I don't know anybody who did. This was some years ago though.

Is it the attitude nowadays that if you are a SAHM you must be a lazy workshy benefits claimant?

Gwenhwyfar · 10/12/2017 17:14

I don't have children so I have no stake in this discussion. I would consider someone with primary aged children to be a stay at home mum because they will need someone to look after them between school and home from work time and to do the school run so 3 or 3.30 to 5.30 or 6.
If the children are secondary age, then I'd call that person a housewife because the children don't need minding during the day. The mother would be there mainly for housework.

MissClareRemembers · 10/12/2017 17:16

So answer the question; what SHOULD the descriptive term be?

I was a SAHP until very recently. I was made redundant when DS2 was very young, at about the same time OH started a new job that paid enough to mean I didn’t have to find another job. DS1 was in school by that stage and we decided it would be better for us if I didn’t work so that school holidays, INSET days, sick days, school drop off and pick up could be taken care of without having to pay a childminder. I do not claim any benefits.

I got sick to death of the snarky comments about “spending my husband’s money” and being a “lady of leisure”. OH and I jointly decided to have DCs. We are a partnership and he supports me and I support him. He could not do the job (long hours and commute) if I wasn’t able to be at home to care for OUR children.

I now work in a term time job earning minimum wage. I still don’t claim any benefits.

EdithFinch · 10/12/2017 17:17

SpiritedLondon

not everybody has the same support, not everybody can afford commute + childcare + cover of days, so it's a perfectly good reason. Some industries are a lot more relax about flexible time, children sick pay etc. and not all schools provide the same breakfast and after school clubs.

NataliaOsipova · 10/12/2017 17:17

Op you do realise not all sahm receive benefits

I'm a SAHM (prefer "don't work", but hey) and I even pay tax! What would you call me?

Coconutspongexo · 10/12/2017 17:17

I thought you couldn’t come claim benefits for more than 6months if you’re married or living with someone, is that wrong?

Salvadore · 10/12/2017 17:18

I’m a house spouse.
I really wish that would catch on.

VladmirsPoutine · 10/12/2017 17:18

Is there honestly no stick that won't be used to beat a woman with over her choices. No stone left un-thrown?

JaneyEJones · 10/12/2017 17:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EdithFinch · 10/12/2017 17:19

If the children are secondary age, then I'd call that person a housewife because the children don't need minding during the day.

that's the age where you have more issues with bullying, when you are most worried about them being unsupervised and they need the most support at school! There are so many different factors, schools, your area, your neighborhood.. but whilst you can leave a secondary school kid on is own, it doesn't mean it's always recommended!

Schlimbesserung · 10/12/2017 17:19

I don't care what people call themselves. Because it doesn't matter.
What matters to me is how sad it is that women are so judgemental of each other when we should be supporting each other.
I have worked, not worked and now I work from home. In each of these situations there have been people who judged me for it. It doesn't bother me any more, but it can feel isolating and unjust.

lalalalyra · 10/12/2017 17:20

I thought you couldn’t come claim benefits for more than 6months if you’re married or living with someone, is that wrong?

It depends on the benefit being claimed and the household income usually.

ShizzleYoDrizzle · 10/12/2017 17:20

People can refer to themselves as The Empress of Domestic Fuckaboutery for all I care and for all it affects my life.

Get a hobby OP. You sound like a total saddo.

Original poster
TheJennaThing · 10/12/2017 17:20

@happypoobum Theead is inspired by someone I know yes. A close relative of my DN who I see regularly if I pick her up from their house, has 2 school age children. She stays at home and her DP works. She calls herself a SAHM, but she's not actually staying home to parent. She lives a shit tip of a house, and stretches the CB of her kids as far as she can because she just doesn't want to work. That is not a SAHM.

OP posts: