You shouldn't use the term SAHM if...

[TheJennaThing]

You don't have children at home during the day? As in, they're in school.
I'm all for SAHP if they're children are actually at home but unless your OH earns mega bucks and you don't need to work surely SAHM isn't the right term if you just decide you're not going to work when you're kids are at school.

[ShizzleYoDrizzle]

Is there honestly no stick that won't be used to beat a woman with over her choices. No stone left un-thrown?

Nope.

[g1itterati]

Well my youngest is now in Year 4 and I've been at home for over 14 years. The truth is I don't need to work because of the money DH earns. The extra £40-£50K I could earn wouldn't be worth the stress on me or the family.

You would be surprised what you can get done in the day that takes the pressure off the evenings. The family all benefit because I'm less tired and my mind is not on a job as well as everything else. There are no medals for over-complicating life. I have a cleaner too a few times a week. Most women I know are the same, but we still tend to be busy doing all sorts of things.

Happy to call myself whatever you like OP.

[DonnyAndVladSittingInATree]

Sorry Natalia, I misinterpreted your use of the word pedant, to mean pedant. My mistake.

[Gwenhwyfar]

"I thought you couldn’t come claim benefits for more than 6months if you’re married or living with someone, is that wrong?"

Sort of. For the first 6 months you get contributions-based Job Seekers Allowance. After that it's income based so anyone with savings or a partner who earns well won't get it.
Not sure how it works with Universal Credit.

[Bluntness100]

It doesn’t really matter though does it? If someone says I’m a stay at home parent and mentions the age of their kids. Or the asker knows the age of the kids the person will draw their own conclusions and interpretation based on the age of the kids and if any extenuating circumstances with those kids they are aware of, ie special needs.

People will always draw their own conclusions and make their own judgements, irrelevant of what someone chooses to call themselves.

[mustbemad17]

Nice to see the same trolly faces benefit bashing under some pathetic guise 🙄 Why the fuck does it bother anyone what someone calls themselves? As long as nobody is walking round proclaiming to be paedophile extraordinaire - in which case your disgust would be justified - then who gives a shit?? One person's situation does not mean that the rest of society can live that way.

I spy the green eyed monster tbh

[abouttimeforanotherone]

Well the term always used to be 'Housewife' but nobody seems to use that any more, do they? Then it became 'Home-maker' but that didn't really catch on.

What do you suggest OP?

[BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou]

I just called myself a 'housewife' rather than SAHM. I did that for fifteen years. Didn't claim any benefits (for the final couple of years even my child benefit had to be paid back). Certainly wasn't a lady of 'leisure' though!

I was lucky because DH could afford for me not to work and was very happy with the arrangement.

I now work term time only (for a pittance) but it's much more relaxing than being a housewife or any other term you wish to use.

[paxillin]

What an ugly original post. And then it went downhill in the updates.

[JacquesHammer]

@TheJennaThing

Wow she stretches the £80 a month that every parent regardless of income can claim to be a SAHM?

The horror

[upperlimit]

Unemployed does not mean you are seeking employment.

Are my kids, 10, 8 & 6, unemployed?

Some dogs have jobs, so are the rest of them unemployed? I await the channel 5 series 'Layabout scrounging dogs', with anticipation.

[GloriaGutbucket]

GreyMorning

Nice work if you can get it!! :)

[vwlphb]

I can take your point that SAHP are not actually engaging in the direct task of childcare when their kids are at school.

But if you're going to insist on being that pedantic about it, my money is on the SAHP getting family-related shit done during those hours instead of outside of 'work hours', thus giving themselves more actual parenting time with their kids at the end of the day/weekend than WOHP have, and quite possibly being a better and less stressed parent.

For example, if I did not need to work today, during the 5 available hours when my kids are at school, I would

• do a household shop instead of doing it at the weekend
  
• clean some of the house, instead of turning a blind eye doing it at the weekend or while simultaneously trying to prepare weeknight dinners
  
• chase up extra Christmas presents, instead of ordering online in the evening
  
• home-cook some of the 3 end-of-year shared plates that I have to pony up with for kids' events this week instead of buying frozen sausage rolls to bung in the oven 30 minutes beforehand
  
• go and get some materials for Christmas crafts for my kids to do after school instead of not having time
  
• do school-and-activity-related admin, instead of doing it in the evening
  
• prep dinners instead of doing it after picking the kids up from school
  

And a bunch of other stuff that might involve being on parents' committees for the school, having more community involvement, a tidier and better-organised house, more home-grown vegetables, and less stress, tiredness and snappiness in my life.

[TheJennaThing]

@g1itterati In my opinion though, as nice as it is you can enjoy that lifestyle, it's not staying at home to be a mum is it if your child isn't there. I'm by no means saying it makes you any less of a mum, I just don't see the point in the term SAHM if your not staying at home to be a mum in those hours. If that makes sense. Idk, it's not making sense to anyone else on here really but I stick by my post.

[kaytee87]

@NataliaOsipova I know I also pay tax, on dividends.

[Allthetuppences]

The unemployment figures are very quick to exclude anyone they can dismiss as a sahp. Because the figures are meaningless. So is somehow trying to decide what other families "should" do. It's none of my beeswax how other families do finances it is also pretty shallow to define everyone by their work or lack of by someone's materialistic one sided take. Itmight be a large part of life but that rather overlooks the merits of the rest of someone's life. Grow an appreciation of the whole of a person, really fast.

[Bluntness100]

That is not a SAHM

So you prove my point, she says she is, you look at her and think she isn’t, so who cares what she calls herself.

It really doesn’t matter what somone calls themselves, people will always make their own judgements. Some will agree she is, others will nod quietly and make thr right noises but think she just doesn’t work. What does it matter, you can call yourself what you wish and people can think what they wish about it,

[ShizzleYoDrizzle]

A stay at home mum is surely a mum who.......gee, stays at home? Whether the kids are in school or not she's still a stay at home mum.

It's really not that difficult a concept to grasp. For most of us.

[kaytee87]

So @TheJennaThing what would you call a sahm to school aged children?

If your thread is about a certain person, why not make it about that person?

[DonnyAndVladSittingInATree]

Are my kids, 10, 8 & 6, unemployed?

Do they have jobs? If not then yes, they are unemployed.

[NeverTwerkNaked]

None of those activities would make you a “better” parent though @vwlphb I can’t think of more ridiculous markers for good/bad parenting than being on a pta committee/ bringing home made stuff to a school party etc.
They are nonsense “jobs” we set ourselves that most dads would see no need to do.

Children couldn’t give a monkeys about most of the “better” things you list.

[TheJennaThing]

@kaytee87 I wouldn't call them unemployed, just someone who doesn't work.

[Grilledaubergines]

As disliked as the term ‘housewife’/‘Househusband’ now is, actually it was better in the sense that it didn’t raise this nonsense. It just meant your job was keeping the home. And that certainly is a job. And it didn’t differentiate between parenting or not, seeking employment or not, having a partner in employment away from home etc. People don’t like it but it stops nitpicking and wasn’t looked down on in the same way.

[mustbemad17]

I'm a bear. I spend my time hibernating under the duvet until i have to collect my child. Shhh, don't tell the jobcentre