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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask what your partners weekend mornings look like?

66 replies

sloeginwarrior · 10/12/2017 12:52

Because I'm not sure if I should be pissed off with mineor not...

DH can easily be asleep until 10.30/11am on weekends. Today he didn't wake up until nearly noon.

When he does wake up it takes absolutely ages. I have never known him to be awake and out of bed before me in three years. He did used to be better at sometimes getting up and making me a cuppa etc when he woke, but it hasn't happened in ages.

We have no DC, but do have a puppy and a cat. I'm at early riser in general, but it's me who always gets up to feed them and let puppy out for wee.

I'm starting to feel really down about always been alone for most of the morning. At the same time I appreciate it's his day off too and he's entitled to do what he wants with it.

I am annoyed at the lying in until noon today though. I've just been told that I'm "always moaning"

What do your partners do on their mornings off? Please tell me!

OP posts:

Therealjudgejudy · 10/12/2017 13:23

This is a total non issue. He likes to lie in, you don't. Just do something else with your free time. Gym, shopping, reading the Sunday papers with coffee. And id stop nagging him tbh.

WunWun · 10/12/2017 13:28

How's it a non issue?! Being with someone who spends half the day in bed all weekend for the rest of your lives?

I can understand if it was half the time or something, but never wanting to do stuff at weekends and being accused of nagging if you mention It?

What a boring life!

glow1984 · 10/12/2017 13:31

If we didn’t have a toddler, we would be sleeping in until midday, have a fry up for brunch, and probably binge watch something on Netflix, particularly since the weather today is so shite!

We don’t have many mornings off so enjoy them while you can!

You don’t have to lie in with him, you don’t have kids, so try doing something just for yourself. Go out for coffee and see friends, go shopping go to a museum or something, don’t mope just cos he wants to lie in!

Arrowfanatic · 10/12/2017 13:33

We have 3 kids now and activities at 9am Saturday and Sunday mornings so it's a bit different now. But generally he is awake before me, sometimes I get up first and see to the kids and sometimes he does.

Pre kids I'd often be up and awake before him and just used to chill on the sofa with cuppa and the telly and enjoy the peace. Or I'd be out shopping or seeing friends. My life didn't revolve around what my DH did.

Gwenhwyfar · 10/12/2017 13:35

"Seems a waste of life, tbh."

Sleeping (or even resting) is not a waste is it? You don't want to see me when I haven't had a chance to catch up with my sleep.
I wouldn't not have me lie in for anyone and I'd be quite bemused by someone who can't entertain themselves in their own home for a few hours.

Ragwort · 10/12/2017 13:37

We've always been 'morning people' so we are always up and about early at weekends and weekdays. Today my DH was out clearing the snow in our road for all our elderly neighbours .

There is no right or wrong but personally I wouldn't find it easy to be with someone who 'lazed around' a lot - fine if you both enjoy a morning in bed but it does sound a bit of a miss match of personalities.

Of course it doesn't matter if you are happy to get on with things on your own, and frequently DH and I aren't doing the same things in the morning - but we both have the attitude of 'getting up and getting on with things' which doesn't suit everyone of course. We are the worse weekend guests and frequently we find our hosts want to 'lie in' and we are up and raring to get out and about . (Probably why we rarely go and stay with people any more).

EdithFinch · 10/12/2017 13:37

In the nicest possible way, get a hobby. You can't force someone to be busy all weekend if they don't want to, but you don't have to waste your entire day either.
Start acting like a single person (again, I mean that nicely) and make plans and organise things as if you were alone.

Neither of you are unreasonable at all, the question is to know if you are compatible. If you start having your own life at the weekend, you will get the answer.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 10/12/2017 13:38

He doesn’t need to change his habits,preferences to suit you op
And equally you don’t need to hang about waiting for him,or stop being early riser

ScreamingValenta · 10/12/2017 13:39

I have a very similar household - no children, but a dog and cats. Sometimes DH is up before me, but he tends to go straight out to buy a paper and doesn't do anything such as open the curtains, let the dog out etc. Otherwise I'm normally up first. I don't mind - but it would be lovely to come down to open curtains and a cup of tea once in a while!

I try to get up before 9 if I can - otherwise I don't feel I've had a morning.

DH is normally up by 10:30 at the latest, so not a mega-lie in, but he's a terrible faffer so if we want to go out, it seems to take him ages to get ready, whereas I just grab my coat and bag and am done.

NerrSnerr · 10/12/2017 13:40

Before we had children my husband would stay in bed until late, for the first 6 or so years of our relationship I would as well but I gradually got up earlier and would go off and do a Parkrun or something.

JaneEyre70 · 10/12/2017 13:40

A lie-in in our house would be 9am, never later. No matter what time we've gone to bed. I can't bear wasting a day lying in bed..... I'm normally up around 7am with the dog, and DH is always up by 8am. I couldn't bear to be with someone so lazy tbh. Weekends are too precious to waste lolling about doing nothing.

Therealjudgejudy · 10/12/2017 13:45

'Someone who spends half the day in bed all weekend for the rest of their lives' Er...dramatic much?! The man is having a lie in at the weekend. Big deal.

Gwenhwyfar · 10/12/2017 13:46

"Being with someone who spends half the day in bed all weekend for the rest of your lives? confused

I can understand if it was half the time or something, but never wanting to do stuff at weekends and being accused of nagging if you mention It?"

The morning is not half the day is it? You still have the afternoon and the evening.

EdithFinch · 10/12/2017 13:49

Being in bed asleep is not being lazy, it's being asleep!
Lazying around in your pyjamas in front of the tv or video games all day is lazy, it's not quite the same.

None of us can judge, we don't know what he does during the week, how healthy he is. If he has a low-effort 9 to 5 job in an office Monday to Friday, I would suggest starting to exercise seriously, it would do wonder to his stamina.
If he is going out every night of the week, then yes, you can ask him to calm down and be more alert at the weekend with you. None of us can judge someone purely based on the time he wakes up on a Sunday.

khajiit13 · 10/12/2017 13:50

Neither of us are early risers. We chill in bed until LO wakes up which is around 7:30. We convince him to watch cbeebies until 8:30. Then we all get up together and get breakfast.

Gwenhwyfar · 10/12/2017 13:52

"Being in bed asleep is not being lazy, it's being asleep!
Lazying around in your pyjamas in front of the tv or video games all day is lazy, it's not quite the same."

I was asleep till 12 yesterday and stayed in my PJs on the internet then until about 6. I don't think I was being 'lazy'. I was resting because I needed it. Resting isn't as good as sleeping, but it comes a close second.

peachgreen · 10/12/2017 13:52

I think there should be a compromise. I like to laze in bed at the weekends (though not asleep), DH likes to get up and out, so we split it. We wake up at 8ish, DH makes coffee and breakfast in bed (he's the best) and then we either lay about reading / listening to the radio / chatting / watching a movie / sex etc until middayish OR we get up and head out straight away. We've both learned to like the other person's way just as much tbh.

EdithFinch · 10/12/2017 13:56

I rest just as well in my clothes than slobbing in my nightwear all day. Unless someone is ill in bed, we all get dressed every day, so much more comfortable.

Judydreamsofhorses · 10/12/2017 13:56

We tend to sleep late at the weekends - today I woke up at 10.30 with the cat lying on top of me and DP still snoring. I got up and sorted the cat out, made us tea, then we stayed in bed (all three of us, with the electric blanket on) until about midday when DP made bacon sandwiches. I love a weekend lie-in, but I can see it would be annoying if you weren’t on the same page with it.

eurochick · 10/12/2017 14:00

This was us, pre-baby. I loved it, tbh. I'd use that morning time to go out for a run, mess around with photos (my hobby), catch up on admin, etc. And enjoy control of the remote.

Haveyoutriedturningitoffandon · 10/12/2017 14:04

2 kids here - think later primary school/early secondary school ages - still do a school run and we both work full time. Generally speaking I’m up at 8ish on a Sat - parkrun, just a general run (with 1 or both kids, or they can be left at home with a sleeping parent) chores etc, while dh sleeps til whenever he gets up - might be 10, might be noon.
Sundays are my lie in - I got in at 3am this morning after a (sober, just late) Christmas night out so I got up at 11.30am. He’d never moan at me and vice versa, as we both get a lie in, and as long as the kids are sorted that’s been our way for years. Whoever is tired gets a lie in. If I needed both days after a hectic week/hadn’t slept/had been up with a child in the night/was poorly then he would (and has in the past) get up both days. And the opposite is true. Relationships aren’t 50/50 - picking up the slack when your partner is down is part of it. Sometimes it’s 90/10 in either direction and that’s (to us) what teamwork is.
As you have no DC then take the opportunity to cultivate your own friendships and hobbies

Hidingalion · 10/12/2017 14:11

If you said "Next Sunday shall we go to xyz place at 10am?" Would he agree and get up and have a nice day with you? or say no I'll be asleep?

Haveyoutriedturningitoffandon · 10/12/2017 14:14

We’re both up at 6am all week to allow us to get to the gym/run/work out somehow before work, and we both have fairly high pressure jobs. There are some weekdays I’m just living for the weekend so I can switch off and catch up on sleep. I know it’s not recommended, and we’re supposed to keep to the same wake up time every day, but honestly, real life gets in the way sometimes.
Perhaps your DH is the same?

DownstairsMixUp · 10/12/2017 14:20

Dh is self employed so starts work once they go school/nursery. If I'm home I will get up and do breakfast for kids and he takes them to school, I get them in the afternoon so he can Carry On working. If I'm at uni/placement he does everything I do, breakfast, getting them ready etc. This way it works out we do about 50/50

Fairylea · 10/12/2017 14:21

I think it’s an individual thing and there’s nothing really wrong with it but I couldn’t be with someone like that. I used to lie in like that when I was 19-22 and worked in a bar and would stay up till 4am partying and then I’d sleep till noon and do it all over again....! But as a 37 year old now id be annoyed at someone sleeping the weekend away, I like to get up and out! But then I do have two children, the youngest wakes at 6am so I like to be up and dressed and out by 10ish.

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