To just want to be called by my bloody name?

[lyonnaise]

For some reason, when my parents named me, the name I was always going to be known by is my middle name. (I’ve spent several years explaining I was always going to be that name -a few people seem convinced they called me my first name for 6 months then changed their minds!)

I am not madly keen on either of my names but my first name is a real dowdy, frumpy name and sounds absolutely horrible in our local accent. Plus, it’s not my name, as the Ting Tings said!

Now I am pregnant and obviously have a lot of appointments. I keep politely correcting people but they keep reverting back to my first name and they mostly pronounce my ‘real’ name wrong anyway.

I know it shouldn’t matter but I’m finding pregnancy so very hard anyway and this adds another level of feeling depersonalised somehow. Aibu?

I too use my middle name and most people get it - if I have to put my full name in I bracket the name I don’t use and underline the one I do. When I was pregnant I made sure the one I use was highlighted in all the documentation.

The tax credit people don’t get it though - the name on the card is only my first name and obviously doesn’t tally up with my prescriptions which have both names on. I regularly get letters saying I need to pay for prescriptions which then means I have to call them and explain - even though I put the card number on the prescription.

I have the same problem when called by my first name at school,i used to to ignore it, and pretend I didn't know who they were talking to
I'm too old now to bother, really
I get called by my first name by Drs, hospital, opticians, in fact all people who really don't know me
Its a pain, why do parents do that

My aunt has this. She is Kate, but Margaret Katherine officially. She always underlines the Katherine on forms. Like the suggestion upthread of writing M. Katherine as well.

You know, this isn't the first time I've heard of this madness. I have come across a couple of families where the children were all known by a middle name (sometimes one of two or more middle names). They were all very upper class families, so maybe it is some bloody weird class thing, related to naming children "for" some ghastly relative perhaps.

I remember that in the Black Diamonds family, ALL the boys were called William as a first name. They were actually known by their second names, so Henry, Charles etc. How bloody silly and pointless. And how big an ego does a man have to have, to insist that ALL his kids have the same name (his)?

🌷I’m sorry it’s affected you so much all your life. (You need to post on the Baby Names threads & save someone else going through this!).

I was quite old before I realised my Mum’s name wasn’t her name at all. She was named to (attempt to) restore family harmony, then my Grandparents brought her up with the name they wanted to use. All very normal names, but the name she is called isn’t even her middle name on her BC (she doesn’t have one).

My name is pronounced quite differently depending on people’s accents (missing middle vowels thus shortening it to 2 syllables instead of 3) and it gets shortened to the first syllable, even though it’s not a ‘name’ like that. I like the sound of it with a French accent, not so much a broad, British, middle vowel dropping accent 😂. I gave up years ago, if it gets my attention it’ll do.

Still, soon you’ll be called Mum by every health professional, & despite not minding now, it would be interesting to see how you’ll feel about it by your baby’s first birthday.

The deed poll should have got rid of the name you don't like. DD changed hers by deed poll and passport renewal was a rigmarole but since then her original name hasn't appeared on anything, including medical records, national insurance, payslips or uni applications. Some checks do ask for all previous names, but that shouldn't affect what you're called now any more than if you get married and change your surname.

Maybe you need to resend the deed poll to all these people and ask them to remove your original name. The solicitor did 10 certified copies for us to send, passport insisted on the original and a solicitor's letter saying it was in her best interests (as she was a minor). Most places sent the copies back but it was worth having plenty. Generally, we found once the passport, national insurance and national health number were done the rest pretty much followed.

It'll be a hassle for you initially, but I get the feeling it'll be well worth it for you in the end.

This issue (medical staff not using correct names) was raised in the report into Stepping Hill hospital. I think it was mainly into relation to older people but it was still a recommendation that hospitals takes steps to address this.

I changed mine a few years ago. Hated my first name with a passion. It does still pop up on occasion, and you do seem to have to divulge the old name on forms, but it's lessening now.
Much sympathy. I really dislike, and avoid having to explain as it was a very personal decision, so I have a very bland explanation to avoid further discussion.

Sorry not Stepping Hill, Mid Staffs-

The Inquiry has heard of the understandable importance patients give to being addressed by the name they are happy to be called and not the name which a healthcare professional expects them to use. Therefore, one of the first things that needs to be established is what
the patient wishes to be known as. Not everyone wants to be called by their first name, while others will be uncomfortable if addressed formally. Having established the patient’s wishes these need to be recorded in a way that all staff approaching the patient know what to call him or her

Again this is in relation to older peoples care but presumably that is because this is where this issue was highlighted. It's also about admission which is fair enough.

I do have to say as somebody who works with a myriad of "Lucy call me Betty" it's not hard.

What’s the dowdy frumpy name OP? We need a laugh!

Have you actually given the deed poll to the Hospital?

You know a deed poll doesn’t enter people’s heads by magic right?

You have to give a copy to everyone you want the name changed with.

I've never understood why parents name a child with the intention of not using their first name.

A parent at our school has 4 kids. All have gone by their middle name. My aunty did this too, and her boys always having to explain that they didn't go by their first name.

Why do it in the first place?

Also, friends of mine named their children traditional names - think 'Charles' and then spent the child's whole life only referring to them by their nick name. So when they got to high school and were called by their full name they (some behavioural needs involved) really couldn't cope by being called their full name on the register at every lesson.

I don’t understand it either Dr

The dowdy frumpy name is much loved on here. I just personally don’t like it and it sounds awful in the local accent.

But I do understand the traditional name part. We have decided on Eleanor for a girl and Nicholas for a boy, but I wouldn’t christen them Ellie or Nick even if they do decide they want to be known by those names later in life.

There's a movement within the NHS to encourage healthcare workers to ask patients what name they want to be called by. It's not difficult to ask and then use the name given, however busy you are.

I'm known by my middle name for exactly the same reason as you, OP. My parents have never been able to explain it adequately, especially as the name they decided to use gave me a comedy name combination.

I've learnt to live with being called by my first name by professionals. It doesn't really bother me. I view it as them calling me Katherine rather than Kate IYSWIM. The people I know use my middle name and that's what matters to me.

I feel your pain!

I was actually considering starting my own thread about something similar...

I have a name that is a traditional "family name" that is easily shortened to make a different actual name. Think "Alexandra" and "Alex".

I have been known as "Alex" my entire life and got used to regularly correcting professionals etc but I generally just had to do it once with my doctor/dentist. However my passport says the long name and when I got a new job that's what they used to make my email account - so "[email protected]"
Despite introducing myself in RL and signing all my emails "Alex" I regularly get replies "Dear Alexandra" and it drives me up the wall! It then seeps over into real life when they introduce me to others and I'm now stuck in an office of people who call me a name that I don't actually respond to right away so I'm sure they think I'm rude/deaf.

I have worked in the NHS and always asked people how they wanted to be addressed. It's not that hard!

Sorry to hijack your thread, it must be even worse with a completely different name. Loads of people do it though, especially with family names. I will be watching closely to see if anyone has any solutions

As pp up thread have said you need to send your deed poll change to everyone. When you filled in your booking in forms at 8 weeks pregnant surely you would have put your correct name as changed by deed poll so why are they calling you your old name?

I've read the thread but I'm still missing the point, sorry.
If you change your name by deed poll you issue a copy to every organisation you have contact with including your doctor so the records can be changed. I understand work is a bit more tricky but your medical notes should be in the right name.

I think it was more common in the older, older generation -- my DM was one of six children and five of them were called by either a nickname or something completely different. eg Aunt Lois was called Janey for some reason, Uncle Oliver was called Henry (middle name) or sometimes Doug (huh?) and my mum, Anne, was always called Kit.
As my mother got older and went into residential care she was called Annie all the time by carers, HCPs etc. I always corrected them -- it's Anne, I would say. That was the name in her passport. After she died I saw on her birth certificate that she was actually named Annie!
FWIW I dislike my first name too, it's not that common here but quite 'sixties' and distinctly passé now. although there is a current celeb singer/personality who also bears the burden

So, medical records aren't joined up. When I changed my name by deed poll, I informed my GP, but my hospital records were still in my old name. That said, when I told them it had changed, they just changed it...Can't you ask your midwife to just update your records?

I understand how you feel. I am known by a shortened version of my first name and don't recognise it when I am called my full name. Think Margaret / Maggie

After I had given birth I was about to be wheeled to the ward when the nurse said "Margaret can hold the baby." I was busy looking round for Margaret to appear until I realised she meant me!