To just want to be called by my bloody name?

[lyonnaise]

For some reason, when my parents named me, the name I was always going to be known by is my middle name. (I’ve spent several years explaining I was always going to be that name -a few people seem convinced they called me my first name for 6 months then changed their minds!)

I am not madly keen on either of my names but my first name is a real dowdy, frumpy name and sounds absolutely horrible in our local accent. Plus, it’s not my name, as the Ting Tings said!

Now I am pregnant and obviously have a lot of appointments. I keep politely correcting people but they keep reverting back to my first name and they mostly pronounce my ‘real’ name wrong anyway.

I know it shouldn’t matter but I’m finding pregnancy so very hard anyway and this adds another level of feeling depersonalised somehow. Aibu?

Um you don’t need to use your full name everywhere. I’m just known as first name last name except on my passport. Surely you can just use middle name last name?

I do Head but my medical notes have my full name.

Same as all the Chris, Jo, etc out there isn’t it? At work I don’t notice emails etc spelling out the full name. So obviously they simply put down what they want to be called without being challenged? Does the GP need a deed poll tochange name? I don’t remember submitting any name proof. Same as utility bills, you put whatever you like. That will then be proof you need as address and name.

Why don't you provide the hospital with your deedpoll change name and then it will change? It did when I showed them mine. I've been known as the appropriate name since then.

do Head but my medical notes have my full name.
Oh so it’s just your medical notes and they are going by that? Then have you thought about a deed poll then? Basically really changing your name and not just use your middle name as preference? Google it, it’s very easy. You just need a friend to witness.

I have changed it by deed poll. But I evidently did it all wrong as my full name is still everywhere. And in fairness my actual name is a stupid one that everyone says wrong, so it’s made little difference!

It’s family tradition for me. Not one that I continued.
I make a point of saying actually everyone calls me X, once were sitting at the appointment (dr, dentist bank etc). I remember my maternity notes had X underlined in a thick black pen.
So speak to the midwife at your appointment, it can’t be that unusual and you’ll want your ‘actual’ name when your in labour.

Are you married and if not is your baby going to have your partners surname? Coz if not and the baby is, wait until they refuse to use your babies real name in hospital 😡.

They have to do this for security reasons. If your name is Smith and the baby is baby Brown how would they know who the baby belonged to?

I have an unusual name. Not far out, just unusual. People sometimes struggle with it and use varients because they're unsure. I often get called Isla for instance...but that's not my name. For medical staff and other sorts of people like that, I just answer to it. I know it's not personal so it doesn't annoy me.

My kids have also got unusual names with various spellings and more often than not, people misspell them. I have taught my kids not to worry about it. Their names aren't run of the mill and other people can't be up to speed on everything.

I guess it's sort-of-the-same-but-different with your name. My advice is to make your peace with it. Or change it to the other way round by deed poll if it really grates your cheese.

Sorry I x posted there.

Uh ok...I think you're going to have to get your zen on then. Sorry it annoys you. We've all got things we just can't be chill about. I do sympathise.

Are you married and if not is your baby going to have your partners surname? Coz if not and the baby is, wait until they refuse to use your babies real name in hospital

What’s wrong with that? I’m married but still use my birth name. The babies have my name on their wrist bands. It’s not a problem. It’s simply so they can match mother and baby easier.

I know pitsch! It is definitely my ‘thing’, if you like. DH cannot understand why I get so upset and wound up about it. And I think it is because it was the cause of so much bullying when I was younger.

My mum had this problem. Apparently my Grandfather got the names the wrong way round when he went to register her name ( my grandmother never let him forget it!) She was always known by her middle name and her first name was one that could be pronounced in two very different ways.

It always caused confusion when she was in hospital as she didn't like to cause a fuss and correct people.

When she was semi conscious in intensive care I told the nurses that if she could hear them then she wasn't going to respond to name she is not known by incorrectly pronounced anyway... and asked them to change their records.

She always found it really annoying but both her names were lovely.

For me it’s that people shorten my name. My name is Starfish, Please don’t call me Fish. It’s not my name. My family call me my full name which is Starfish! When I introduce myself to people I tell them that my name was Starfish! They then invariably take it upon the themselves to call me Fish and think I’m being off when I don’t answer to it. It’s because I don’t realise they are talking to me. They may as well call me Duncan!

You know that you still need to ask people to change it even if youbhave done it by deed poll? otherwise how would they know?

Really? Just answer to the name on your medical notes and be done with it. I can guarantee when people are calling you (from a list of about 100 patients) they don't have a note to say this patient prefers to be called x even though her name is y. It needs to correlate with what's on your notes. So in fact people are calling you by your name, the fact you don't like it is a separate issue.

You know that once you give birth all health professionals will call you Mum? As in “how’s Baby doing? [tilts head to one side] and how’s Mum?”

And when you start at toddler groups and nursery, the teachers will all call you [insert child’s name]’s Mum.

The mums at the school gate will save your name in their phone as ‘x’s mum’.

Only if/when you go back to work will you get your name back. Whichever name you tell them to call you.

I don’t mind being Mum to be honest.

My dh has this issue. He does two things.

1. When filling out new official forms he puts his name as J. Charles rather than John Charles. Hard to call him John if you don’t know what the J stands for.
2. On something where the John is already written he asks them to underline the Charles. Or does it himself. Usually in thick red pen.

It is a very common thing to be known as a middle name - as long as it is recorded it shouldn’t cause confusion.

Ask for your notes to have your known as name on the front

Explain that as people pronounce your name incorrectly that you use your middle name

That way the nurse midwife go are more likely to do it to stop people struggling on both sides

I know it’s not the reason but worth a try?

I’m not telling silly lies, sorry. In any case my first name is easy to pronounce. It’s my middle name no one can say. I’m hoping my child can say it!

My middle name is Thistlewood!!

My grandparents did this with my mum, letters and everything formal is addressed to her full name but work/friends/family have known her as her middle name ever since she was born.
My grandparents let my mums older brothers pick her names and they preferred her middle name to her first name so decided to just call her by her middle name, I don't see why they didn't just swap the names round to make it easier..

sorry I thought your name was difficult to pronounce- think I’m getting posters mixed up

This is similar to why I changed my name when I was 40 by deed poll. I just don't know why parents do this.