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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Gutted I let my little boy down

42 replies

Wishfulmakeupping · 09/12/2017 20:56

Ds bday today we had to cancel party as Dh sick and couldn't have kids to coming to house full of germs- so postponed.
Tried to make it special on my own with dcs meal out, soft play etc but completely gutted that all my plans for his special day were let down:(
Feel quite ready about it- side note I'm
Completely done in and drained caring for dcs, sorted house, building presents, shopping, looking after Dh but I'm really a feeling like a shit mum I just wanted it to be a fun day but think he could feel I was stressed plus going to someone else's bday party tomo so that's puts it even more into focus today wasn't Good enough for him

OP posts:

Original poster

Wishfulmakeupping · 09/12/2017 20:57

Teary not ready

OP posts:

Rachie1986 · 09/12/2017 20:58

Oh no, you poor thing. What a letdown for you and your son.
Please try not to feel bad though, it's one of those things that can't be helped.

waxahatchee · 09/12/2017 20:59

Oh that is rubbish. Not sure why DH couldn't go elsewhere so party could go ahead though?

52FestiveRoad · 09/12/2017 21:00

You are not a shit Mum! Things happen in life and sometimes you have to change your plans. I am sure your DS will get over it, he will probably be really excited about the party tomorrow and not give it another thought. Give yourself a break!

TwinklyGiraffe · 09/12/2017 21:00

It’s postponed? It’ll be special another day!

Don’t feel bad!

isseywithcats · 09/12/2017 21:02

could you re arrange his party for in say just after new year and tell him hes special like the queen as this year he gets two birthdays, depends how old he is im sure he still had a lovely day with his mom and children always love their moms at that age

Japanese · 09/12/2017 21:02

These things happen. How old is he? I understand you feel bad but looking into the future the chances are he will have no memory of this whatsoever. I don't remember any birthdays before I turned 7.

Original poster

Wishfulmakeupping · 09/12/2017 21:13

Thank you he's 2 so he won't remember but I will.
Just wish I could have made it special today but I did my best.
Decided to cancel wax as Dh quite poorly with flu plus vomiting etc and I didn't have time or energy to get everything done for party on my own.

OP posts:

NataliaOsipova · 09/12/2017 21:23

You didn't let him down. Life throws these things at you sometimes. Do it again after Christmas and he'll have just as much fun....promise!

parrotonmyshoulder · 09/12/2017 21:24

I have lots of sympathy for how you’re feeling but really, the day you’ve described will certainly have been as nice for him as a party would at aged 2. 4+ is different as they really have a concept of birthdays, expectations, friends and presents.

If you celebrate Christmas, maybe you could turn your thoughts to that instead.

Hope your DH is better soon and that you don’t catch it.

BrizzleDrizzle · 09/12/2017 21:26

You haven't let him down at all, he's had a special day and now he's going to have another one. My DS was ill on one of his birthday and came home early from his own party and went to bed, he has no idea about it now as he's forgotten and so will your DS.

notacooldad · 09/12/2017 21:39

It's not what you have done but how you react to the situation that will affect your son. Sure, there is no party, it is upsetting I get it. We as adults feel disappointment if something we are looking forward to gets put off.

However if you mope around going on about it , even non verbally,
as you know kids pick up on vibes, moods the physiology you are presenting, instead of just saying that it's one of those things, it'll happen another day, you are not helping with resilience when life throws a curve ball.

I'm not one of these parents that thing everything should be a life lesson but this is an opportunity to show that plans fall apart sometimes but that's ok.

Using terms like 'I'm a shit mum' isn't great for your emotional health either.

Just look at it logically, There was going to be a party, DH was ill so you had a chose to carry on, change the venue, get your DH out of the house or cancel. You chose to cancel. Nothing wrong with that. The consequence of that was DS was disappointed but he does have a party tomorrow to look forward to plus his own at a later date.
Seriously shake the guilt shit off.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 09/12/2017 21:42

You havent let him down. It's not your fault your dh got sick. There's never a right time to get sick, but sickness always seem to come at the wrong time.

kath6144 · 09/12/2017 21:52

Not sure why DH couldn't go elsewhere so party could go ahead though?

Really, wax? I am guessing you havent had any flu/vomiting bugs recently? I am guessing Ops DH couldn't get out of bed, let alone leave the house.

I have been in bed all week with a virus which developed into a deep cough, making me sick every time I had a coughing fit. This despite having the flu jab.

DH insisted on taking me to Dr yesterday, where a chest infection was diagnosed and antibiotics prescribed.

We had a long standing booking in my DS's uni city last night, hotel, meal, some daytime bits today, a concert tonight.

Having got up, showered etc for Drs, we decided to try and make it, in the hope I may feel better today. Its less than an hour away. DS and DH went for the meal, I stayed in hotel room, woke this morning feeling even worse and we came straight back home. I am sad we had to miss things today, including a concert I was really looking forward to, but in hindsight I shouldn't have gone anywhere yesterday other than Drs.

I crawled into bed when we got back at midday today and have not been up since.

So it is not unusual to not be able to leave the house!

Op - your DS wont remember, my DS is 20 and forgotten so much about being a child. Maybe re- arrange if you can. But do look after your DH, and I hope he gets well soon. You did the right thing.

AskBasil · 09/12/2017 22:01

He's 2?

Fuxache he won't even know it's not good enough, the only thing that's made it not good enough is your feelings about it, not his.

Please stop beating yourself up about this. You are getting worked up about something so incredibly unimportant to your child and it's actually all about you.

At 2 years old, he doesn't fully understand what his birthday is and all he wants for it is hugs and smiles and laughs from his mum and a bit of running around and fun. That's it. Everything else that we adults do, we are doing for us, not for our children. 2 year olds don't care about the soft play or the meal out or the special day. Every day's a special day to them when they have fun times with their parents.

If you've given him hugs and laughs and smiles and love, you've given him a special day. He is too young to be disappointed, unless you've given him the message that he should be.

Originalfoogirl · 09/12/2017 22:08

You’ll let him down way more than this in his life. It’s parenting and it happens. Don’t beat yourself up over it.

NoSquirrels · 09/12/2017 22:16

You’re totes and rundown, there’s illness in the house, you’ve spent all that time and energy sorting party stuff just before Christmas and it all seems sad.

But your DS has a lovely birthday- he’s 2, soft play is where it’s at! He’s going to have loads more birthdays to celebrate with parties. Please don’t feel bad. I know it seems awful now, but it honestly won’t be anything you’ll look back on to regret forever.

NoSquirrels · 09/12/2017 22:17

You’re totes = You’re tired

Starlight2345 · 09/12/2017 22:25

He is 2 assuming his friends are preschool age..No one would give you a thank you for letting them come, this close to Christmas.

He is 2 he spent his birthday with his mum..Perfect.

I honestly believe people start parties to early so by the time they reach the age they really appreciate them parents are burnt out on them.

Homebird8 · 09/12/2017 22:28

When DS1 had his second birthday I was 39 weeks pregnant with DS2. We had presents and cake and a walk in the sunshine. No party that year. He doesn't remember anything except the train cake I made him and just assumes he had a party.

squishysquirmy · 09/12/2017 22:29

He's 2!
I bet he had a fabulous day with a meal out and soft play. Like others have said, at that age they don't have so much of a concept of parties as older kids do.

You didn't let anyone down, you did the right thing in cancelling instead of holding a party in a germy house - I am sure the other parents wouldn't want their toddlers to fall sick so close to Christmas!

Get some rest and be kind to yourself.

Homebird8 · 09/12/2017 22:29

What I meant to add was not to worry. You made a wonderful day for him and it's far better for everyone including him that his daddy gets better and nobody else gets ill. You didn't let him down, you stepped up. Well done.

squishysquirmy · 09/12/2017 22:31

Also I didn't bother with a proper party until my dd was 4, so you're not a shit mum or what does that make me??

ZigZagandDustin · 09/12/2017 22:31

YABVU, he's 2!

wineoclock1 · 09/12/2017 22:34

These things happen. TBH, we didn't do a birthday party for my son's second b'day we just went out of the day. I think he loved the presents more than anything else. You'll have plenty more parties to organise as he gets older.

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