To wonder why Dad's get praised where Mum's get criticised?

[ethelfleda]

DH is a very 'hands on' Dad with our 6 week old... when he isnt at work he changes the majority of nappies, takes DS to be burped when he finishes BFeeding, does lots of sensory stuff with him etc etc which is great and he receives nothing but praise for it (well deserved) people tell me I am lucky and how rare it is. Friends, family, health visitors, midwives etc etc even complete strangers.... but then when it comes to me the comments are usually more critical. I even got critized for wanting to eat the last couple of mouthfuls of my lunch before feeding him (he had just started to show signs of hunger - was hardly screaming his head off)
A complete stranger told me the other day that I shouldn't take him out without a hat on - even though he was in a sling and very wrapped up and sharing my body heat etc etc (it was a mild day and I was mostly indoors)
My sister commented on leaving him too long in a dirty nappy (he had literally just dirtied it but was hungry so wanted to feed him first to placate him) he was only in it for 20 mins max.
Does anyone else find this??

AnotherEmma, very true, always women.

When my eldest was a toddler I could not keep a hat on him unless I stapled it to his head! I put sun cream all over him on a regular basis. But the amount of times I got 'Where's his hat, where's his hat'. FUCK OFF!!

Welcome to motherhood. Having DC's turned me into a raging feminist

Yes me as well. I was a feminist before but I think I was slightly more optimistic about the world. Not so now. Scales ripped brutally from eyes.

Being pregnant with complications and then having children, and then having children and a job, has increased the amount I think about these issues tenfold. And made me ten times as bloody angry about it all.

You’ve married a functional male so that’s a big part of the battle in the house won. The battle against wider society is less under your control. Mark these things as they happen. Challenge them when you can, and make sure your offspring, male or female, carries more enlightened views forward.

Welcome to the post-birth-feminist-angry-lady society. There are plenty of us on the feminism chat threads.

Since having DCs I too have become a raging feminist.

I hate the assumption that I’m lucky that DP does half the house/child stuff. It should be the norm!

However On my ‘local mums WhatsApp group’ soneone asked about who does the washing - the amount of Dads who didn’t do anything House/child wise astounded me. All these women are in paid employment too (a mix of full and PT) too - I wanted to scream ‘they don’t change nappies or do the Tesco’s run - why did you marry them?’ !!!

Maybe they thought they would Littlecaf. You often only find out about the real person when it's too late!

I don't know..I'm finding it hard to imagine that a nice guy happily sharing the housework, cooking and cleaning etc, would overnight turn into a sloth sitting on his arse and not lifting a finger.

What I have seen is that the men are as lazy from the start, but first women 'enjoy taking care of my man' and then 'don't really mind it too much.'

Once kids come along and they do start minding that they have another toddler to take care of, it's of course too late. But they've always been lazy twats.

I had a hv call my dp a hands on dad when she visited after our son's birth. My dp also gets praised for working with vulnerable people...I am on mat leave so do most of the childcare and I also work with vulnerable people. Nobody is wowed by anything I do!

Yep. It's shitty. I've lost count of the amount of times I've gone to the pub or a night out and been asked 'ooh is DH babysitting?'

DH always gets told what a good dad he is. And yes, he is great with our son who has autism. But he has such a different experience to me. If he's with our son and he has a meltdown, strangers try to help him out and are really nice about it. He often has people try to help distract my son, help with the shopping etc. I just get tuts and stares from people who think I'm a terrible parent, as well as 'jokes' about how he needs a good smack.

Ah dingdong , that's really crappy , and also a whole other thread! Some people are shit when it comes to spotting and understanding when a child has additional needs. They automatically jump to the conclusion of "naughty" behaviour or bad patenting.