To be uncomfortable about this

[2046person1]

Nearly four years ago, I did something at work that I should not have done. In all honesty I should have been dismissed for gross misconduct and there was a possibility then that I would have been prohibited working in that area again. However, it was conceded that there were mitigating circumstances around what happened and I was ‘allowed’ to resign. It was still one of the most awful periods of my life - having to abruptly leave a workplace I was attached to - and moving on proved difficult as my reference clearly stated ‘she resigned because of X.’

Initially, I applied to jobs as normal and just attached a confidential file to the application with a letter explaining what had happened. One of the jobs I applied for was with someone I actually knew a little bit, although I didn’t allude to this in my application. Her daughter was one of my school friends and we had been very close at one point although had lost touch as we grew up.

I actually managed to get another job fairly promptly, although the woman I knew didn’t get back to me, but I understood that. However, my new job was only for one year, therefore it finished at the beginning of 2015. I was pleased, however, as it had gone well, I had new references and it seemed all was smoothly over.

Until recently when I met some school friends and one of them asked in a casual voice ‘did you apply for a job at X.’

I also was contacted about the possibility of doing some collaborative work at the place my friends mother worked at and they seemed very enthusiastic and keen until they found out it was me and then withdrew and were no longer interested.

Perhaps I’m being unreasonable but I do feel that now it was a long time ago and the fact I was honest and open about it is repeatedly returning to bite me on the ass! Or AIBU?

Can u give a hint??

But if it could have led to instant dismissal and being barred from working in that area and you were lucky not to; then you may have to accept it's something that people would remember and perhaps gossip about it.

Not that you have evidence that anyone has. But part of the consequences of a serious misjudgment that could have ended your career is that people may talk about it unfortunately.

Yes. But when someone applies for a job it is completely unacceptable and unprofessional for the person receiving the application to tell their friends and family (with no connection to the profession) about the applicant's employment history.

I wonder if it breaches data protection laws? I would definitely ask a lawyer. Even if it is legal, as has been said earlier it probably breaches the policies of the company the OP applied to.

From what I can gather - up bumped into a friend of the woman's daughter - not the actual daughter.

So all the suggestions that the mother may have said "oh say hi to xxx for me, she applied for a job at my company 4 years ago" doesn't seem like a likely scenario.

It's more likely that the woman divulged confidential information from the letter to her daughter when she shouldn't have, the daughter gossips amongst friends and this person the OP bumped into was one of the friends? Possibly on a fishing expedition to see what further goss she could get.

I might be wrong though - just from reading the op it doesnt seem like it was the daughter she bumped into but another friend.

I was in a similar position recently, someone I know was disciplined for a deception in a previous job, applied for a position where I work now. I was largely advised (on here) that it would be wrong of me to let the company appoint him without telling them what I knew

Fair enough - but you weren't advised to tell all your friends about it I presume.

And stop attaching 'confidential' letters to applications.

Is this a thing then? Are we not allowed to send confidential letters and expect them to be kept confidential?

I sympathise with you OP. There are 2 issues here - the original potential gross misconduct and the breach in confidentiality apparently shown by the friend's mother's company. You have been open about the former - but that doesn't mean that you don't have the right to privacy outside the workplace.

Is there no way you can make enquiries as to how mere acquaintances seem to know where you have applied for jobs?

That’s exactly it, chapter

It’s possible that in early 2014 the woman told her daughter who told her friends that I’d sent an application in, and nothing else, and the friends remembered it almost four years later and brought it up (although I do think it is a bit dubious to even pass on ‘X applied for a job but we didn’t interview her’) but seems unlikely.

No, I’m not giving any hints. No one was ever in any danger.

I think the point is that I should now be able to move on.