Neighbours baby crying

[CumbrianExile]

So, I am after a bit of advise.

Next door, I am assuming a mother and her young baby are living there (not seen the child, seen the mother once, no sign of any father although I can't comment that he isn't there!)

They have been loving there for approx 3 months, as above not seen anyone but the mother letting people in at 10.30 on a Wednesday night.

Baby cries a lot. Last night for 90 minutes non stop. It was heartbreaking. Seems to be quite regular at approx 3 in the morning for 30-90 minutes at a time. I hear it at other times in the day but work 4 days a week so not sure if I am overly worrying about some thing that I shouldn't.

what would you do?

My babies never cried for 30 mins so initially reading your post I did think it could be a concern.
But having read the replies learned this can be normal.

You aren't the only one who didn't know babies cry that much. Even when friends told me their babies cried a lot I never realised how much they might mean. Now realising how lucky I have been.

I think kind words if you see her. Hopefully baby starts to have more restful sleep soon.

Some really great responses OP. Have you read them? Would love an update on what you think now. Lots of people who don't have children can make assumptions about parenting, babies crying, children misbehaving etc. Hope these response put your mind at rest and gave you some ideas on how to be a supportive neighbor. By the way single mums and single dads are not necessarily bad parents. I'm a single mum. I love my DD more than I could possibly describe to you. Parenting is amazing, wonderful, exhausting, frustrating, delightful and relentlessly self sacrificing with unending love. It's also personal. All kinds of families our there with their own personal way of doing things. What was your family like?

Are you my neighbour? Because this has been my life for the last week or so.
DS has been waking at 2.30/3am screaming and utterly inconsolable. I've ended up out in the car a few times to calm him down.
It could be teething/colic/ear infections/hunger/anxiety and a number of other reasons.
If this woman is doing all she can and you ring SS on her it may just be the straw that breaks the camels back. I would be devastated if someone went to that extreme before just knocking on my door and asking if we're okay

Thanks LML83 glad someone can see where I am coming from.

Mammasmitten - I have taken the responses on board. You are correct, some good explanations. Like LML said, having not experienced that level of crying with my own son I thought it was a bit too much? I now realise that it isn't.

I actually haven't said that she is a single parent. I mentioned I hadn't seen a dp/dh about. But as I have only seen her once, and never the baby I don't know whether he exists or not. I have nothing against single parents but if it has come across that way I apologise.

I hadn't done anything prior to posting this last night. And I don't intend on doing anything drastic now.

If I see her then I will talk to her as I would with any neighbour. Might post a Christmas card through the door, as an non intrusive introduction? I think my baking would send her running haha.

Givemeareason - not your neighbour I don't think. Have not seen any new cars parked since she moved in so I don't think she has one? 😀

Do you have really thin walls OP, as I have had neighbours with babies and I have never heard them crying at all. I mean all babies must cry sometimes, even if its not so much, but I heard nothing. Well, not the babies anyway! In your position, I would try and strike up a conversation with the mum just as a new neighbour and have a general chat about the baby. At the moment you know nothing about them; not even the age of the baby. It could be a baby that cries loud and long as with the posters upthread, or it could be something more serious, but you shouldn't assume the worst until youkow more about them?

You cried as a baby, we all did,
And as people say this too will pass.
Hang in there, and maybe buy some earplugs.

1930'S terrace Cecily so not especially thin. Not sure if the baby is crying loud or its just that our bed and the babys bed/cot is just against the neighboring wall.

What's wrong with baking biscuits?

Wish I could bake!

Nothing new to add here other than to say I also had a very colicky baby. She could cry for hours and hours whilst in my arms and I was desperately trying everything. The thought that I was disturbing my neighbours used to heighten my stress so much. I didn't know them but bumped into them once downstairs. I apologised profusely about the noise and they very kindly lied said that they weren't disturbed at all. I could have wept with relief. I also had to have my Mum come over late in the evening a couple of times just for a bit of moral support after some really hard days. It all sounds very normal and possibly really hard for the poor mother.

I totally get that babies cry but it's unfair to leave them crying when you live attached to someone.

Sometimes you must leave the baby to cry and step away from the baby for a few minutes. As a PP stated you might have to make a bottle or fetch a dummy or, after listening to nonstop crying that you're unable to soothe, you need a moment to gather yourself. Itsstabdard HV advice around here, if the baby is crying and crying and crying (as they sometimes do) and you feel like you're about to break (because we're only human) then put the baby down somewhere safe like the cot and go in another room for a few minutes to collect yourself and calm down.

How do we know the baby is being left? Plenty of posters have already commented that their baby would still cry whilst in their arms.

OP thx for the update :) Christmas card is a great idea. Sorry I assumed that you weren't a parent. Saw the comment above mine about not having babies who cried much after I posted (takes me ages to write posts sometimes). I read that and thought wow how lucky. My little one cried and cried and pretty much wanted to be latched onto booby non stop. Wouldn't take a dummy or a bottle. Some well meaning person suggested I give her a dummy to help settle her and give me a rest. It hadn't occurred to my sleep deprived brain to try one. So I bought her a dummy. She sucked on it for two seconds, took it out of her mouth, looked at it as if to say what good are you, you don't have any milk, then tossed it on the floor. Funny now when I look back on it. So I almost constantly breastfed in those early months and watched t.v. (tried reading a book while breastfeeding but turning the pages seemed to be too distracting for DD) Had a neighbor who knocked on the door a few times to see how I was doing while I was breastfeeding express concern that I was watching t.v with a newborn every time she knocked on the door. Too gobsmacked to say anything, I just avoided her after that. Glad to know that ur not judging the mum just genuinely concerned. Hopefully it's just what many people have posted and just a normal crying baby and everything is just fine.

We don't know the baby's been left, neither do we know it hasn't. Until OP gets to know her neighour , she can't either.

OP, it must be harder if your bedrooms are adjoining next door; we have a hall and stairs between ours.

Probably colic. I used to spend hours cycling babies legs in the middle of the night trying to get wind out while they cried.

I would - as I would with any new neighbour - call round and ask them round for a drink.... 'Christmas drinks' makes it easier, but 'pop over for a cuppa in 10 mins or so' would work just as well, or maybe even better. Just to introduce self (and family if that works).

Just remembered my next door neighbours when DS Was really small. After one bad, colicky night I was a complete zombie. I pushed him in his pram, still screaming, past their house and they rushed out, insisted I come in. They sat me down, made me a cup of tea, and insisted on looking after DS whilst I sat down and drank it then sent me home with some homemade chilli for lunch. That’s how to do it.

I am the mum with the screaming baby.

I would absolutely hate someone coming around 😂

I wouldn't answer the door it would be my worst nightmare.

Be careful Taylor if there anything like the op that will also be "concerning".

They can be concerned. As long as they bloody leave me alone lol

See Taylor I think I'd be like you if the situation were reversed!