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Original poster

Neighbours baby crying

72 replies

CumbrianExile · 09/12/2017 01:31

So, I am after a bit of advise.

Next door, I am assuming a mother and her young baby are living there (not seen the child, seen the mother once, no sign of any father although I can't comment that he isn't there!)

They have been loving there for approx 3 months, as above not seen anyone but the mother letting people in at 10.30 on a Wednesday night.

Baby cries a lot. Last night for 90 minutes non stop. It was heartbreaking. Seems to be quite regular at approx 3 in the morning for 30-90 minutes at a time. I hear it at other times in the day but work 4 days a week so not sure if I am overly worrying about some thing that I shouldn't.

what would you do?

OP posts:
Ansumpasty · 09/12/2017 06:50

My babies both did that middle-of-the-night crying that was inconsolable. I cringed for my neighbours but there was nothing I could do; they couldn't snap out of it once they'd started.

MrsGB2225 · 09/12/2017 07:04

My son cried for hours, even though we were holding him and walking round the room trying to sooth him. You wouldn't hear the quiet shhhhing or singing of the mum over the baby. Go and say hello one day, she's probably having a really tough time.

EssentialHummus · 09/12/2017 07:23

12 week old here. She sometimes howls for an hour while I'm holding her.

Go over, take biscuits, ask how she's getting on. I like my neighbour more than my husband some days.

Ellendegeneres · 09/12/2017 08:21

Mine is 16months. He howls. For hours, despite me holding and soothing him.

Op I think what you need to realise is, babies will sometimes do this. I know it's hard on you, I know it's making you irritable and annoyed and even concerned- but babies will do this. And whoever is with baby is probably rocking and soothing and going out of their mind with the sleep deprivation too

deptfordgirl · 09/12/2017 08:28

My baby cries a lot. We had issues with the neighbour as we live in a terraced house. I felt awful but there was nothing I could do, if he woke in the night he was tired and just cried, nothing would console him. I tried bringing him into our bed, feedkng him, rocking, sleeping on a matress next to his cot but he would cry unril he fell asleep again. He still wakes and cries but fortunately for less time now.

My neighbour started knocking really loudly on the wall which scared him and made him worse. She then started doing it when he cried during the day, even if he fell over or something like that. So we went around to discuss it and she actually felt bad for doing it and brought around some flowers. Maybe go and speak to her but I'm sure she's doing all she can and it won't last forever.

glow1984 · 09/12/2017 08:32

The other day, it took DP and I TWO HOURS to console and get DS into bed.

I’m assuming you don’t have kids, OP

NoWittyNamesAvailable · 09/12/2017 08:40

Ds2 used to cry from 6-11 every night. Nothing would console him, my neighbour used to pretend she never heard him. This went on for months and then he just stopped. So glad i had understanding neighbours. Babies cry, its what they do. A bit of crying shouldn't really have you worried.

Loonoonow · 09/12/2017 08:53

I miss many things about having little children but not the crying through the night and the sheer desperation of not being able to soothe them or lie down to sleep. Thank god I lived in an isolated house where I didn't have the added worry of having neighbours to disturb or judge me.

Roomba · 09/12/2017 08:59

DS2 would cry for hours during the night, despite me holding him, rocking him, feeding him, shushing him, I tried everything to no avail! It was hideous.

My lovely neighbours on one side pretending they never heard him - I know they did as I'd hear them moving around after he woke but not otherwise. My neighbours on the other side just said 'Don't worry, we've had four babies and they grow out of it eventually. It's just a phase, it'll pass'. Thank god they weren't reporting me to someone, that would've tipped me over the edge.

Cantgetagoodusername · 09/12/2017 09:00

You obviously don't have children OP, or you had little darlings that didn't cry Hmm

My DS screamed on & off all night (& day) with severe reflux. Think it's crap for you, it's a million times worse for mum. I remember the HV seeing it in full throttle & could have kissed her when she offered to hold DS for 5 minutes!

FWIW I would have loved someone to have brought me some naked biscuits Grin

Cantgetagoodusername · 09/12/2017 09:01

Ffs I meant baked not naked biscuits Blush

GinIsIn · 09/12/2017 09:01

Babies cry. I’m not sure how this can come as shocking news to you?

Lunalovepud · 09/12/2017 09:06

My baby cried. A lot. Day and night. I felt awful about the neighbours, but one day the elderly couple stopped me outside and asked me how I was, and said they remembered how hard it was when their children were small. Their sympathy and tolerance meant the world to me. If they'd have been arseholes about it, I probably would'nt have coped.

THIS.

DC1 was a nightmare teething - massive drama queen. Endless screaming for months on end. I apologised to my neighbours for it when I bumped into them coming out of their house one morning and they were so lovely, told me that they were very used to howling kids with their own children first and now their grandchildren and that I was not to worry at all.

They also apologised to me for their own grandchildren thundering around the place which I had heard from time to time, but it had never bothered me.

It took the pressure off completely. I obviously try to keep my children as quiet as possible but it is brilliant to know that if there is a tantrum happening, my neighbours aren't on the other side of the wall calling the police.

If you are concerned about the safety of the child then why don't you strike up a conversation with your neighbour? You can then see if there is anything to immediately be concerned about.

JonSnowsWife · 09/12/2017 09:08

Babies cry an awful lot.

Why does her 'letting people in at 10:30pm at night' have any relevance? How do you know its not a relative coming to help so she can have an hours kip before being awake most of the night?

DNiece was a colicky baby. I still have vivid memories of Dsis trying to settle her, DM trying to settle her, both to no avail and me walking her around the estate late one summers evening just to try and get her to settle. Obviously it's a bit cold at the minute to do what I did.

But yeah I'd do nothing. Babies cry.

EssentialHummus · 09/12/2017 09:13
Taylor22 · 09/12/2017 09:19

My daughter cries a lot. So what?

I don't care about the neighbours. After this going on for 18 months I feel to sorry for myself to care about anyone else.

thethoughtfox · 09/12/2017 09:21

Baby could be crying in their mother's arms.

PinkyBlunder · 09/12/2017 09:29

For goodness sake! Put some wine and chocolate on the poor womans doorstep.

Babies cry a lot! And parents end up at the end of their tether.

I let my Dad in at 10pm the other night. We have neighbours. Should I be worried that they think I’m a prostitute or a drug dealer?

Original poster
CumbrianExile · 09/12/2017 10:53

Thanks everyone! Few harsh replies but I can understand that.

I do have a toddler, but I was lucky I guess as he didn't cry too much, and tended to stop when I picked him up.

I am aware babies cry, but this seemed a little extreme to me, sorry to all you who are going through it/have been through it with your own babies. Can't be fun but I appreciate now that it can be normal. I haven't heard her moving around/moving the baby to another room which is what concerned me the most, but some of replies suggested I wouldn't necessarily and this is true.

I wasn't immediately thinking social services, but as I said wasn't sure it was normal. I would love to strike up a conversation with her, but I have only seen her the once when she was letting people in. I did speak to her then though, but only a quick hello. Wasn't sure if knocking to say hi would be appreciated/seem like I am interfering (which I guess you could say I am!)

For what it's worth, prostitution never crossed my mind (although reading back I can see why you would think that!). The visitors looked more like friends, but again I though 10.30 was late for friends to pop round, but didn't consider that they were popping round to help.

Thanks again for the advice.

OP posts:
HunterHearstHelmsley · 09/12/2017 10:57

I don't know... my old neighbours used to leave the baby to cry and i could've killed them! I was doing my GCSEs at the time and was struggling due to lack of sleep. I got to the point that i used to hammer the wall until they would do something about it.

I totally get that babies cry but it's unfair to leave them crying when you live attached to someone.

SleepMoon · 09/12/2017 10:57

I would go over, take some biscuits and chocolate, just to give her a late welcome to the neighbourhood. When we moved into our new place, the neighbours gave us a card and plant. We always now give out chocolates to our new neighbours.

lurkingnotlurking · 09/12/2017 11:00

charolais good ones, hey? Any chance of a recipe please? :)

SleepMoon · 09/12/2017 11:01

When a baby has reflux or colic, honestly sometimes there's nothing you can do when the baby is crying and crying. I used to rock and walk around for hours and eventually baby used to fall asleep with tiredness. Then he got diagnosed and on medication and things improved alot.

ThisLittleKitty · 09/12/2017 11:02

Oh fgs my baby cries if I leave her, I normally go down stairs at night when she's asleep to clean and she will always wake up if she knows I'm not there. She is the type that will stop crying instantly when I come back though but I know enough to know that not every baby does! People always comment how quickly she is to settle so it's obvious a lot of babies aren't! And not sure what the dad being around or not is relevant? I never see my neighbours. Leave her alone I'm sure she has enough on her plate without having to worry some noisy neighbour is gonna shop her to ss.

ThisLittleKitty · 09/12/2017 11:05

I totally get that babies cry but it's unfair to leave them crying when you live attached to someone.

^^ and if you've tried everything to get them to stop but they're still crying? Just because a babies crying doesn't mean it's being "left to cry"
You could have heard her in the other room but she may have been preparing a bottle or fetching the babies dummy.

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