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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU- to not go to a christening

28 replies

Rubyritz · 08/12/2017 20:54

AIBU?

I did not go to friends DS christening due to me and DS being ill. I let friend know the day after as I didn't want to bother her or divert her attention away from their special day. I apologised lots but couldn't be helped.

I've gone to everything in the past, weddings, baby shower and birthdays.

Ever since she has been really offish with me late replies on texts and not replying at all... since I didn't go. Confused

I get that it was an important day but I would of thought being a parent they would get I'm not going to drag DS out to stand in a freezing church whilst he's there coughing and spluttering his guts up.

AIBU????

OP posts:
hiyasminitsme · 08/12/2017 20:55

I think your mistake was not letting her know on the day - just by text if you didn't want to disturb her

RadioGaGoo · 08/12/2017 20:55

You just didn't turn up? That's a bit off.

Shoxfordian · 08/12/2017 20:56

Yeah you shld have messaged her on the day

sausagerollsrock · 08/12/2017 20:56

I don't think yabu for not going but I think it's unreasonable to let somebody know the day after the event. I feel that is rude.

Original poster
Rubyritz · 08/12/2017 21:12

I just felt that messaging on the day would be diverting her attention away from their special day.
I've had it down before and it sometimes can just spoil the moment... I would never be rude on purpose Blush

OP posts:
RoseAndRose · 08/12/2017 21:16

You have been more rude by just not turning up, and not sending any message at all on the day.

A short 'DS and I are both ill, probably infectious. So sorry. Will call tomorrow. Hope you gave a lovely day' is way better than silence.

Fink · 08/12/2017 21:16

Maybe apologise to her again for not letting her know. Something like 'I was trying not to divert attention away from your special day but in retrospect I realise this was the wrong choice and probably added to your stress. I'm so sorry to have hurt you this way.'

Did you send a card and present?

Wolfiefan · 08/12/2017 21:17

How does letting someone know you can't attend take anything away from their day? It's rude not to let them know you aren't turning up.
YANBU to not turn up unwell and spread the germs.

NannyR · 08/12/2017 21:18

Just not turning up without letting her know could also have spoiled the moment. If she was expecting you she might have been worried that something had happened to you.

lborgia · 08/12/2017 21:20

From experience, I would say it actually had a greater impact not texting... she would’ve noticed your absence and at some level been wondering about where you were, should she be worried...

So, YWBU, but as pp says, call her (I know, really voices and everything!), and explain your thinking, and acknowledge that it might’ve been a bit dumb.

Then, if she continues to hold on to it, well, that’s up to her. Good luck.

Quartz2208 · 08/12/2017 21:21

She probably spent the day wondering where you were. Just tell her that you did not want to ruin her day

lborgia · 08/12/2017 21:21

Ha, x-post nanny!!

Pippa12 · 08/12/2017 21:22

I think id be really upset if my friend just didnt turn up without explanation. Your absence probably bothered her all day...

arethereanyleftatall · 08/12/2017 21:27

Agree with others. Your mistake was not texting as soon as you knew.
Did she host a meal, a buffet, anything like that?

Original poster
Rubyritz · 08/12/2017 21:31

Looks like I fucked up then

OP posts:
dontbesillyhenry · 08/12/2017 21:40

She would have prob been waiting for you and wondering what had happened/what she'd done to upset you. Terrible form to simply not turn up

Imknackeredzzz · 08/12/2017 21:40

Of course you text on the day!! You don’t just not turn up!! How rude is that. No wonder she’s pissed off- I would be furious frankly- and seriously considering the quality of my friendship

Jengnr · 08/12/2017 21:41

How would letting her know in the morning divert attention? It wouldn't.

I'd think you swerved or forgot and made up some story. I'm not convinced you didn't tbf.

confusedlittleone · 08/12/2017 21:41

I don't think it's not that you didn't go. It's that you didn't tell her until after the fact.

Moreisnnogedag · 08/12/2017 21:48

Yeah I'm afraid telling the day after implies that actually you just forgot and woke up the day after and realised so messaged then (even if that's not what happened). That is of course barring hospital trips which would be understandable.

What do you plan to do?

iggleypiggly · 08/12/2017 21:52

Sorry OP I think it’s really rude not to have let her know. She may have been disappointed but it wouldn’t have ruined her day. Big apology I think, I’m sure that will help smooth things over Smile

Doilooklikeatourist · 08/12/2017 21:53

You should have phoned and actually spoken to her to say you couldn’t make it ASAP
Texting later is just not acceptable

AntiHop · 08/12/2017 21:55

Send her a message and tell her what you told us. Explain that you were trying to do the right thing.

chocolateorangeowls · 08/12/2017 22:04

Yeah I agree with others, it will be the same day/next day thing.

Just message her and explain that you didn't meant to be rude.

LookingForwardToChristmas · 08/12/2017 22:07

I agree with everyone else about not messaging her on the day. A quick text would have meant she would have known not to expect you but the fact you were not there without any explanation probably did detract from her day.

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