This is something that’s been niggling me for ages which is possibly why it’s starting to become an issue which I don’t want it to.
DH and I have been together 15 odd years, likewise my sister and BIL who live about an hour away. Over the years we have hosted them for lunches, stay overs, dinners and the alike. In all that time we’ve only had one invite to theirs which I think was just to show off their new house. The total sum of their hosting was a packet of doughnuts and a glass of Asti Spumante (despite the fact we’d bought them a nice bottle of champagne to toast their new home).
I’d really like to do a traditional Christmas one year at ours to give my mum a break (she currently does it most years as we alternate with in laws) but it’s pissing me off knowing that a) the hospitality is very unlikely to be reciprocated b) there will be little appreciation of the effort that we will put in to make it a lovely day likewise the expense as we appreciate decent grub and booze on chrimbo day and c) that even if we ask them to contribute in some way to help counteract some of the brewing resentment of their lack of effort that we’d probably get no more than some crappy bottle of cheap wine and a packet of mince pies as a contribution/token of their appreciation. I’ve tried dropping hints but they are very quickly batted back with a reason for not hosting. I’ve also suggested we all go out for lunch on Christmas Day but my sister says she doesn’t think it’s fair on those having to work on Christmas Day! My DH agrees they are acting selfishly and being lazy as when my mum hosts they never offer to help in anyway but thinks I should let it go as my main reason to host is to help my mum. I see his point but I know on the day I’d be full of resentment for them for enjoying everything without having to lift a finger. AIBU?