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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to say I can't wear this gift ?

68 replies

lcl · 08/12/2017 17:13

I've just been bought some beautiful girls by some friends but I now realise they really don't know I would never ever wear real fur. I'm so anti it and find it so unnecessary as there's plenty of great faux fur around. The gift is a Pom Pom hat and I knew when I opened it ,it was real. I checked and the company only does real fur 😫. The thing is fur is not a a food not a by product and the way these animals are kept and skinned alive is truly horrific. The problem is I don't want to offend my friends but I really can't abide wearing this hat and resent the company getting a sale for me. How should I handle this diplomatically? Ps they'll notice me not wearing it.

OP posts:
newmumwithquestions · 08/12/2017 17:19

Oh no, tricky.
I’d have to say something. Preceded by ‘it’s a beautiful hat and I love the style’ type comment but then just explain that you really can’t wear it. Ask for receipt or if it can be exchanged for something else.

But you’ll have a lot on here saying it’s really rude to say something.

The only other thing I can think to do is return it to the shop and ask for an exchange for something non-fur? (Do they do anything?).

Homemadearmy · 08/12/2017 17:19

I would just explain as you have here

Leviticus · 08/12/2017 17:23

Those hats are everywhere aren't they. I'm sure people don't realise.

g1itterati · 08/12/2017 17:23

Tricky one OP. I definitely couldn't wear fur either and DH knows not to get me calfskin handbags from anywhere. Stella McCartney etc only use faux leather so it's half the price and no animal cruelty.
Either avoid them until Spring or, if you think they will definitely notice, invite them over for lunch or something and say you are very grateful for all the thought and thankyou so much, but you can't wear fur as a principle. I'm sure they'll understand.

StarWarsFanatic · 08/12/2017 17:37

I would explain that you are grateful for their lovely gesture but you can't wear it for the reasons above. YANBU.

Chewbecca · 08/12/2017 17:38

I'm surprised at people buying real fur as a gift for anyone as so many people would not want to wear it, I would think you are very much in the majority. I would just explain and try to exchange for something else.

Oakmaiden · 08/12/2017 17:38

I am kind of stunned that these are so mainstream. I thought everyone avoided fur as unnecessarily barbaric nowadays... Shock

kaytee87 · 08/12/2017 17:40

Your friends probably don't even realise is real fur. Just send them a message and say you've just found out that the hat is real fur and you're gutted you won't be able to wear it. You're sure they didn't even realise, it's such a nice style would you be able to get receipt and swap it for something similar that has faux fur?

Tinselistacky · 08/12/2017 17:41

Have you got a dog /cat /gerbil that could eat it? Or a fatality in the washing machine?

FluffyWuffy100 · 08/12/2017 17:41

No one seems to mind real fur any more, most of my friends are happily sporting real fur :-(

DownHereInTheHorridHouse · 08/12/2017 17:42

Oakmaiden - I read an article that said even cheap pom pom hats were largely fur now Sad. It's so cheap abroad and conditions are so bad that there isn't even the price difference, which is how you used to be able to check quite easily. I don't want to derail the thread, but there are ways of checking as to whether it's real fur or not on various articles, and a lot of the checks were showing that it was even on items that were very cheap (less than a fiver). Sad

JoJoSM2 · 08/12/2017 17:42

Animals don’t get skinned alive - that’s a myth. If you’re vegan/vegetarian and don’t wear leather either, then fair enough and do say sth. Otherwise, I think it’s a little ridiculous.

diddl · 08/12/2017 17:42

What a daft thing to buy for anyone!

Is it possible that they thought it wasn't real?

I was looking on ebay & "watching" some knitted hats.

Then noticed-real fur pom poms!

Just why?

On a basic knitted hat?

I think that I'd have to say something as it would be such a waste of their money & tbh, I wouldn't even want to own it!

chiaseeddisapointmentagain · 08/12/2017 17:43

I think you'd be very rude to return it to the person who gave it to you.
If you can't stand it give it to someone who needs it. Starbucks have bins for hats/scarves for the homeless.

DownHereInTheHorridHouse · 08/12/2017 17:43

(Sorry, that was a really badly written post of mine - need to do previews.)

RestingGrinchFace · 08/12/2017 17:45

Quite frankly there isn't really any difference (if the item is second hand or a gift) between wearing real fur and fake fur. You are not funding the fur trade yourself but you are perpetuating the trend. If you would wear fake fur/leather then you are being hypocritical. If you refuse to wear any fur/leather whether it is real or not then explain it to them and they will understand.

ConciseandNice · 08/12/2017 17:45

Oh no!!! I am always amazed by this. Why do these things still happen. I am so sorry. Explain as you have here. I don't think you'll upset anyone. Ask for the receipt to return it and exchange...or sell it on ebay and give the money to an animal rights charity. I've done this.

kaytee87 · 08/12/2017 17:48

@chiaseeddisapointmentagain usually I'd agree with you but op said her friends would notice her not wearing it.

AccidentallyRunToWindsor · 08/12/2017 17:49

I am always amazed by how much fur is found on high street products- it's shocking.

Do you think they perhaps didn't realise?

ToadOfSadness · 08/12/2017 17:50

Is it one of the Chinese dog ones? Same fur that is used on some of the boots, they are not treated humanely.

FrogsLegs32 · 08/12/2017 17:50

I think it would be better to give the friend a chance to a) know you better and b) get a refund on the hat by telling them :)

ClashCityRocker · 08/12/2017 17:51

Oh gosh I always assumed that fur on high street products would be faux. I'll definitely double check in future.

elQuintoConyo · 08/12/2017 17:55

Be honest, but very diplomatic.

If i bought a gift not realising the pompom was formerly Pamela the Pomeranian, i'd be gutted to realise i'd bought it. But i would 100% not mind that the receiver pointed it out and i'd exchange it without fuss.

None of my friends would wear fur. Neither would I.

Pearlsaringer · 08/12/2017 17:56

Snip the pom pom off and replace it with a faux fur one.

Chrys2017 · 08/12/2017 18:02

What brand is it? I was gifted with a similar hat last year and assumed it was fake but am suspicious about it now.

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