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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to spend 80.00 per child?

63 replies

MerryMarigold · 08/12/2017 12:45

Most people I know spend a lot, LOT more (double or triple). Many of them (eg. DC school friends) probably have a lower income than us.

This budget is a present from us (around 30.00) and probably 50.00ish on presents from Father Christmas. I know what some of their friends are getting as their parents have told me. I don't want my kids to feel 'left out' when people ask what they got for Xmas, but neither do I want to spend more than what's appropriate. We could probably afford more if we used credit cards or savings, or didn't go on holiday as much etc. etc.

WWYD?

OP posts:
PickAChew · 08/12/2017 12:45

It's fine.

LagunaBubbles · 08/12/2017 12:46

Spend what you want on your own children.

Original poster
MerryMarigold · 08/12/2017 12:50

Well, yes, obviously laguna, but my point is: will my DC feel hard done by? Will they compare? (I don't remember my childhood much) How should I explain it to them? etc. etc.

OP posts:
Cuntnip · 08/12/2017 12:52

I've spent about £70 between two, and the big things off ebay.

araiwa · 08/12/2017 12:53

Who cares what others do

InDubiousBattle · 08/12/2017 12:56

How old are your dc?

skankingpiglet · 08/12/2017 12:58

Spend what you want to and what you can afford. I'm sure they will be thrilled with the gifts they get. There are always those who get more no matter what you spend, and the DCs will need to learn that at some point.

My DM was a single mother with very little to spend compared with my friend's parents. I did notice and sometimes felt momentarily sad, but it never lasted long (plus I had nice friends so got to play with their stuff!). She always got me one 'big' present that I really really wanted and those are my lasting memories of xmas/birthday presents.
FWIW I don't think your budget is particularly unreasonable. We have spent around £120 on each of ours, which is only a little more than you OP but they don't have GPs so we are making up for that a bit.

Original poster
MerryMarigold · 08/12/2017 12:59

They are Y4 and Y7

OP posts:
sparklewater · 08/12/2017 12:59

We do about £50 of bits from us, £50 - £80 on present from us and £10 - £15 on present from siblings.

We could afford more but I don't want to! I'd do less, but my partner likes to add random things at the end and doesn't 'do' budgets so will buy an extra £10 present when I think we're finished 😁

sparklewater · 08/12/2017 13:00

First £50 was meant to be Santa, sorry!

Original poster
MerryMarigold · 08/12/2017 13:01

I am searching on Ebay too as Ds1 likes Technic but it's so expensive and he has asked for other things, so that's a bit of an extra. He also likes (ie. some friends have it) some expensive brand of clothing and a top was 40.00 so not having it! It was definitely easier when younger. Now it seems to be about tech and expensive clothes.

OP posts:
Original poster
MerryMarigold · 08/12/2017 13:03

I find it hard as growing up I knew my parents didn't have a lot, so a) I didn't expect a lot and b) no one else seemed to have so much either. It was all much simpler!

OP posts:
InDubiousBattle · 08/12/2017 13:07

So 6/7 and 10/11? I suppose your eldest might be in touch with friends over the holiday but I doubt very much the 6 year old will. I serously doubt that my almost 4 year old (he'll be 4 just before Christmas)will be comparing anything!!

What have they asked for?

I don't really like setting an arbitrary limit unless you need to financially. My ds has asked for a particular lego set, another toy and a broad game- together they come around £55. I've also got him some books, a jigsaw, a Mr Potato head, chocolate and a few other bits. I saw a set of brio road set in yesterday and bought him them. If I set in see anything else he would really like between now and Christmas I'll get him it. Same with dd, although she's younger so hasn't actually asked for anything!

BillyAndTheSillies · 08/12/2017 13:08

Growing up, my brother and I had a £100 limit each. Occasionally for bigger ticket things, phones or DVD players etc, they'd be birthday and Christmas combined. £80 is absolutely fine.

becotide · 08/12/2017 13:10

MerryMarigold, I often find Superdry and Jack Wills hoodies in charity shops. Ds1 has about 3 of them (not that he gives a shit, he has ASD and would rather wear just pants but they wash well) but I have never paid more than a fiver for them.

I'm not saying as a Christmas present but it's worth looking

Original poster
MerryMarigold · 08/12/2017 13:10

No, they are aged 9 and 12

OP posts:
InDubiousBattle · 08/12/2017 13:12

We've got a few lovely things second hand, charity shops and baby sales. I'm taking advantage of it now because, as you say it all seems to get much more expensive as they get older. My sister's dc are 18, 19 and 20 and are wanting booze!

Angelicinnocent · 08/12/2017 13:14

At the end of the day, spend what you want to spend and what you can afford. Year 7 is about the time they start to realise the financial values of things imo and school mates may start to judge on brands etc but that doesn't mean you need to go into debt over it.

If they have a "headline" present, be it technics or a phone/tablet etc that tends to be what they will talk about. They don't tend to detail every little thing they got.

bobbinogs · 08/12/2017 13:15

Sounds fine to me. I have a 9 and 11 year old and will be spending about 100 on each, second hand eBay, reconditioned stuff mainly. Some of their friends will get loads more and some will get less, they understand we do what we can and we have to work in a budget and money and stuff isn't everything. Looking forward to having time off all together......

AnnieAnoniMouse · 08/12/2017 13:15

Given you’d have to go without other things to afford to spend more on Christmas presents, I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all. Some people think anything but more than a Satsuma is ‘ridiculous’ & others who think anything less than £1000 per child is ‘tight’. There isn’t any ‘normal’ and the vast majority of children will have friends that got more & friends that got less. Besides, by the time they go back to school most of them won’t be talking about what they got for Christmas anyway - so it depends how much they use tech to contact their friends away from school.

coddiwomple · 08/12/2017 13:18

It's up to you to raise your children to not compare how much more others have, and to appreciate

I realise that it's harder when they are little, and believe presents all come from Santa - tricky to explain that one house gets a lot more than the others (but there are ways round it anyway)

Once they are old enough, then that's the way it is. Some have a much bigger house, others have a tv in their bedroom!, but it's not everybody. I have honestly never felt the pressure to keep up with the Joneses about my kids presents, activities, clothes, holidays. It sounds exhausting and a complete waste of time.

longestlurkerever · 08/12/2017 13:20

YANBU. It's madness to get into competitive gift giving. My dc are smaller but if they start up with comparisons I close it down straight away ("that's nice for them, we do things differently", or something).

There are plenty of comparisons that could be made the other way, after all. Pisses me right off when they're greedy
..

CheapSausagesAndSpam · 08/12/2017 13:21

My DC are 13 and 9 and from what I can see, it varies hugely among their friends as to who gets how much.

Some of their friends only have one or two gifts and not high value. Others have mountains.

It's fine.

RedSkyAtNight · 08/12/2017 13:23

Explain in advance they won't get everything they want.
The older one at least will understand this.

netmummyblog · 08/12/2017 13:25

£80 is fine, mine have had exactly the same spent on them, one is 3 and the other is 18 months, the 3yo toys are more expensive so it looks like he has less but I know he wont be bothered anyway. They have plenty, they have more than most, I dont want my kids to be greedy and they have to understand they cannot have it all.