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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to spend 80.00 per child?

63 replies

MerryMarigold · 08/12/2017 12:45

Most people I know spend a lot, LOT more (double or triple). Many of them (eg. DC school friends) probably have a lower income than us.

This budget is a present from us (around 30.00) and probably 50.00ish on presents from Father Christmas. I know what some of their friends are getting as their parents have told me. I don't want my kids to feel 'left out' when people ask what they got for Xmas, but neither do I want to spend more than what's appropriate. We could probably afford more if we used credit cards or savings, or didn't go on holiday as much etc. etc.

WWYD?

OP posts:
Bingowashisnameo · 08/12/2017 13:26

There are no rules. Spend what you can afford. Children don’t look back at their childhoods and remember the expensive toys bought for the (well in my experience anyhow). They do remember having fun and a good day tho. A child can have thousands of pounds lavished on them and be unhappy and insecure and conversely they can have a modest amount of small gifts that they enjoy playing with and have a lovely time. How much you spend doesn’t reflect how much your child is loved or how nice a Christmas they’re going to have. There will always be people throughout your life that have bigger and better and more than you will but that doesn’t equate with who will be the happiest or most fulfilled. No matter how much your tv cost you can still watch the same programmes on it as everyone else. Same with a car. You can still go to the same places in your Aygo as you can in a Porsche.

mindutopia · 08/12/2017 13:28

I think that's fine. We don't spend more than about £100 including stocking. Ours is 5. We have a very comfortable income and could afford to spend more, but think it's important that Christmas isn't all about presents. I think that's a good lesson to learn and it's not a bad thing that other kids get more. It's just part of life and everyone does things differently.

roomsonfire · 08/12/2017 13:29

Absolutely fine. I have a budget of around £100 for xmas. My DC gets a chunk of that to go out and by me a gift and one for a friend. The rest is for their gifts. This year almost everything on the list was purchased. Some secondhand, some new, some were from the poundshop.

ArcheryAnnie · 08/12/2017 13:31

I'm spending less than that. It's fine.

Zevitevitchofcrimas · 08/12/2017 13:31

It sounds fine to me, with clever buying you can really stretch that.
However before next xmas make life easier on yourself and save for xmas only, save for bday only and have a separate holiday fund ( after all bills) break it all down. Then you dont need to worry like this - because you know you have x saved for xmas AND that money is for xmas and wont deplete any other savings for holidays if its spent.
It took two years of eeking out 10 /20 a month to each one we were able to get a proper foundation kitty going to cover it all.

this year we had 680 for xmas - incl days out and presents and food etc. Now we know if we do need to go slightly over - its not going to financially break us - ....because we have that solid 680 just for xmas.

Zapdos · 08/12/2017 13:31

My DC (7 and 4) always get waaaaaaay less than both sets of their cousins (we spend around £100-150 each, my sisters spend well over £500 each per child).

My DC have never questioned it, despite seeing the massive piles of gifts under my sisters' trees when we have visited them - and in some cases sitting and watching their cousins open gifts that they didn't have time to open before we arrived!

I figure that by the time they are asking for (e.g.) expensive tech, they will no longer believe in Santa and will understand that we have less money.

I wouldn't worry about it.

MotorwayMingebag · 08/12/2017 13:36

This time of year is terrible for feeling like you aren't doing enough whether it's with presents or festive bloody food.

Spend what you can reasonably afford at the time and ignore what everybody else is doing.

It's not worth jumping on the capitalist gang bang that is Christmas and getting into debt. And tell your children that too (not the gang bang bit). You're never too young to learn about the ugliness of rampant consumerism.

4teensandababy · 08/12/2017 13:36

This year I told my children (4 teenagers who have pretty much everything), that I wasn't going overboard. Money is tighter than it has been, and we need to be sensible. That said, I then wrote the following and asked them to fill in ideas for each line:

Something you want
Something you need
Something to wear
Something to read

Something for the face
Something to eat
Something to drink
Something to treat

I have a set (modest) budget for each child, and will get at least 1 thing from each category.

For us, Christmas is about being together as a family - no work, and lots of fun!!

Iwanttobe8stoneagain · 08/12/2017 13:42

Just give want you can. We only have one DS so he will prob get a lot more than his friends (but he’d prob prefer the company of a brother or sister which unfortunately he can’t have) the gifts are only a small part of Christmas most kids forget most of what they had by the time they are back at school with a set budget I’d go for quality over quantity

pullingmyhairout1 · 08/12/2017 13:48

16 year old. £100 limit. I got him to do me a list within that budget. No worries. Youngest 7 is also having the same spent. Again no worries.

Don't get into debt for Christmas.

NambiBambi · 08/12/2017 13:52

To be honest, I don't think children really compare that much at that age. Do all children really know in advance what they are getting? After Christmas all the details of what they got given and from whom will have been forgotten by the time they get to school anyway. I do remember one or two boastful children when I was at school but the rest of us just used to think they were spoiled and showing off rather than feeling we had missed out. Moreover, my own children don't have a very accurate idea of what things cost (they are Yr 3 and Yr6) and don't ever notice or mention how much money is spent on them.

StealthNinjaMum · 08/12/2017 13:57

I spend more than £80 perhaps £100-£120 per child but some of this is made up things I would buy anyway like underwear, pyjamas, books, jumpers. I also follow the Christmas bargain threads to get toys when they're cheapest and managed to get actual bargains from Argos and Amazon (normally I think their sales are a con but I was lucky this year.)

I also buy extra bits throughout the year second hand. Dd asked for roller skates for Xmas. I know they'll be unused (like her much wanted scooter) and i'm reluctant to pay the full price so I advertised on our local mums group to see if anyone had any roller skates for sale. Sure enough I bought a pair that were barely used by their previous owner! I gave them to her and she was delighted.

Luckily they aren't yet old enough to compare presents with their friends - many of whom will get much more.

sweetsomethings · 08/12/2017 13:58

It's all relative right. Some kids go to Disneyland some visit their gran in wales . Some kids get £1000 spend on xmas some get £80 such is life

Allthebestnamesareused · 08/12/2017 14:02

Your 12 old will know there is no such thing as Santa and that it is you and therefore he'll get what you can afford.

Your 9 year old won't notice - just wants stuff to open!

MarrowWang · 08/12/2017 14:05

We have done 150 per child. We went ridiculously overboard last year and half the stuff was never touched, so learnt our lesson. 80 sounds fine.

larry55 · 08/12/2017 14:08

I was talking to a friend yesterday and she said she was spending £200 per adult and teenage child and £100 for each grandchild - a total of £1500. I decided not to say anything but I am spending about £35 each on my adult children and about £30 for my 4 month old grandson.

As far as my children are concerned they can buy anything they want for themselves as they earn more money than us as we are retired so I try to buy things I think they would like or silly things.

Flowerfae · 08/12/2017 14:10

Ours this year have 1 large present between the 3 of them (its a console they all really want this one (we have brought them things like 3ds's in the past but never a bigger consule) I've told them that we can't afford it (i didn't think we could but we had some money left over) so it will be a really big surprise for them. They have £70 individually but that is including money from DH's mum and dad. Usually it is £60-£70 each though

Love51 · 08/12/2017 14:12

That's about what we are spending. One big present each (£35) and a stocking (£15) plus accessories for the main present (dolls house furniture / cars for garage) and books. If you have family buying as well, it's loads. Clothes, books, games, chocolate from other people, plus I buy something they need / want from great grandma who sends a cheque. Until they get into expensive tech £80 goes a long way.

Spartaca · 08/12/2017 14:19

We have spent £55 each on main present (decent skateboard) and probably about £30 each on FC presents. Which is what we normally spend, dependent on what they want. We could spend more, but we spend a reasonable amount every year on activities, passes etc which they enjoy more. Funnily enough they've never really been into toys

I'm sure as they get older (they're 7 and 5) that'll change.

Spartaca · 08/12/2017 14:23

And my parents always spent less on my sister and I than my aunt and uncle did on my cousins, and despite the huge tree pole discrepancy we never minded/cared.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 08/12/2017 14:50

They are Y4 and Y7

I wish posters when asked their children's age would reply with the actual age.

Not everyone here has children in the English school system.

£80 seems a perfectly reasonable amount although I would not give Santa/Father Christmas so much credit for it.

Original poster
MerryMarigold · 08/12/2017 19:59

The reason I give the year group is that it's usually more of an indication of development eg. In July your child could be 11 and most would assume that they are in y6 last year of primary, but actually their birthday is August and they've been in secondary for nearly a year. It makes a big difference.

OP posts:
LassWiTheDelicateAir · 08/12/2017 21:01

Only if you are familiar with the English school system and the thread had some relevance to an aspect of it.

Where I am doesn't have a "Year 6" and our last year of primary is Primary 7. It would make no difference whatsoever if I were buying a present for a 9 year old and a 12 year old , or wondering what to spend on them, whether their birthday was January , July or December. Sorry it is a pet MN hate.

£80 to my mind is generous but not excessively so.

Orangeseed · 08/12/2017 21:25

I spend a huge amount more than that, my DC are 6,4 and 4months, somewhere in the region of 2k............and they don't appreciate it, I wish I could stick to a budget of around £100, I know I'm doing the wrong thing spending so much. I found Christmas magical as a child and my mum spent very little, she hand made lots of our gifts, some of which I still own now.

FinallyHere · 08/12/2017 21:32

Growing up, I always had a limit much less than my friends and peers. I always assume that that was my parents choice, only now do i have any clue that that was provably quite a stretch for my parents.

Just be matter of fact about the limit, and take responsibility for the limit, the DC may winge but you know its for the best. All the best.

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