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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Local Council has banned teacher gifts

145 replies

Originalfoogirl · 08/12/2017 11:55

Our Local Authority has advised schools to send a letter to parents stating that they should not buy Christmas gifts for teachers as it goes against their policy on employees accepting gifts.

Our school has not sent a letter (yet), but it's very well publicised locally that others have.

I'm not big on teacher gifts anyway but did want to give a little something to her TAs who are excellent and go above and beyond. Should I ignore what I know, given the school haven't (yet) sent a letter. They are really bad at timings and I expect a letter on the second to last day or something! Not ideal if you have already bought something.

Or, would making a donation to the school be a better idea?

Thoughts?

OP posts:

surferjet · 10/12/2017 08:59

I have no objection to giving a teacher a gift. but what I hated was the class ‘organiser’ demanding money with menaces. I was asked for £10.00 one year, when I said I didn’t have it ( I did, I just didn’t like this parents attitude) she gave me such a look.
I want to do things my way & buy what I want.

SimultaneousEquation · 10/12/2017 09:03

I bought a big box of Belgian chocolates for the staffroom, a couple of weeks before the end of term to keep people’s spirits up in the two weeks of nativity, carols etc.

I’d not get anything bigger as it’s meant to be just a token of appreciation.

MuseumOfCurry · 10/12/2017 09:06

Seems pretty joyless.

We perfected marshmallows this weekend (peppermint, cinnamon, vanilla) - we're packaging them up nicely and sending them along with a bottle of champagne.

BurnTheBlackSuit · 10/12/2017 09:20

Teachers look after those most precious to me for hours and hours of the year. I want to thank them for it. And I don't think they get paid anything like they should for one of the most important (and difficult) jobs there is.

I agree with giving gifts to scout leaders etc as well

ArbitraryName · 10/12/2017 09:22

My mum always used to buy teachers a plant (usually in a fancy basket or something) when I was at primary school. She was a teacher herself.

C8H10N4O2 · 10/12/2017 10:22

Seems pretty joyless

gods yes. So are all the posters saying "Good, I don't want to buy anything, now I won't stand out"

If you don't want to do anything for a class teacher then don't. If you don't like big class collections don't join in. But hiding it behind faux rules is pretty pathetic.

We are talking primary schools mainly here - do you really think those teachers don't know that not everyone can afford even a card? Or that they don't value a hand made card or drawing? Or that they will treat your child differently for not being part of the status present circuit?

Commuterface · 10/12/2017 11:47

it doesn’t sit well with me that a teacher in a state school can have an additional £150 without it being declared Oh come on. We make cards and add a small gift the same way we do to the cleaner, nanny, colleagues, friends children... none of them see that as revenue
Urubu what is your point here? £150 in vouchers (£300 Collection in the summer) is not “making cards and adding a small gift”! That is a huge amount of money

Splinterz · 10/12/2017 11:52

I don't agree with it but when my children left their respective primary schools I brought in trays of donuts and cakes for the staff room because it wasn't only teachers who educated my child, it was the caretaker, the cleaner, the dinner ladies, the office staff and so forth .... everyone bigs up the teachers, but you forget the background workers who facilitate the process.

*trays of 12 donuts in Asda = £2, 10 trays - job done.

leccybill · 10/12/2017 11:53

If you want to buy a nominal gift, a pack of glue sticks would be much appreciated, by me anyway. I'm down to my last few, there's no money in my dept budget and it'll all be coming out of my pocket from January. Work needs to be stuck in books.

blackheartsgirl · 10/12/2017 12:10

I don’t buy anything because I’m skint. Absolutely brassic. I can barely afford gas to heat my home and food on my table. I have 2 primary school kids and At one time had all 4 in the same school. So it was pretty upsetting to be shoved out the way by the mums of the popular rich kids bearing cupcakes and wine and my kids faces falling because they had a little home made card and a letter. They wanted to chuck it in the bin because it felt shit.

Thank god the teachers appreciated it, gave me a hug..we are in a small close knit village school..and said out of all the gifts the card was one of the ones treasured the most.

Ban the gifts and competitive present giving. Bloody good idea

EdithFinch · 10/12/2017 12:13

That's the point of things like amazon vouchers, the teachers can use them as they please or need.

I still cannot believe that people would begrudge £100 gift to a teacher (in total)! That's just pathetic. The world 's gone mad.

bookishteacher · 10/12/2017 12:18

It works the other way too. I’ve wrapped 24 gifts and have 6 more to go this morning. I love giving my children just a little something before Christmas and in the summer I always give a book with a little note in. My children work damn hard for me and I think a little appreciation is warranted.

EdithFinch · 10/12/2017 12:19

blackheartsgirl
I am sorry you have to go through that, but it's up to you to explain things to your children. My kids have always been so proud to give things they made (which I don't expect the teachers to keep), and never felt down because someone brought a monstrous bunch of flowers when they only have a small card.
It's up to us to make our kids feel ok - and most teachers will be kind enough to be extremely appreciative!

In my (limited) experience, it's not the richest families who give the most expensive gifts to the teachers at all. It's the aspiring middle-class who needs to be on show, no one else cares.

leccybill · 10/12/2017 12:29

I'm a teacher. I've written a card and made a little box containing chocolate coins for all of the 32 children in my form group. I'm also doing a milkshake and croissants morning this week, because they look shattered and it's been a long hard term (for us all).
I care about them you see. I worry about them, I support them, I hear their good and bad news, I've got their backs when it comes to everything - oh, and I teach them.

blackheartsgirl · 10/12/2017 12:31

Oh I’ve explained things many times, still makes them upset though. And middle class or not they are still richer than me

At the end of the day if people want to buy things fine but don’t elbow me out the way just so you can be the first to give your expensive gift to the teacher and look sneeringly and pityingly at me with my little card. Dd was pushed by one such mum. It’s pathetic.

NeverTwerkNaked · 10/12/2017 12:33

I think it’s a good idea. People can right a nice card to the teacher. The school could have a list of resources they need or similar if people want to give.
There’s plenty of threads on here with teachers moaning about all the different types of gifts they dislike anyway

EdithFinch · 10/12/2017 12:40

Being rude has nothing to do money, it was totally out of order.
Nothing stops you from commiserating with your child about the poor family who couldn't find the time to write a nice card but could only give shop-bought items

runningoutofjuice · 10/12/2017 12:58

Spare a thought for the TA. We clear up sick, wee, poo, get shouted at, kicked, stabbed, punched etc, expected to cover classes and mark for no extra pay, get told if you don't like it, leave and much, much, more and all for £10k a year! Even just a thank you means a lot! We certainly don't get any appreciation from our employers.

Fairyliz · 10/12/2017 13:00

Oh God another example of a nanny state in action.
If you have a child at school presumably you are an adult. So buy a present if you want and don't buy a present if you don't want.
Do people really need to be told what they can and can't do?

leccybill · 10/12/2017 13:02

Exactly, Fairyliz

Thehairthebod · 10/12/2017 13:35

Anyone would think that parents were giving gifts of £100+ each the way some people on this thread are going on.

Hilarious that some people seem to think that people teach and do all the shite that that involves for the gifts at Christmas!

Thehairthebod · 10/12/2017 13:39

My DS's class are proper 'collection parents'. Every Christmas and Summer. Meh, I contribute as it saves me having to go out and think of something to get for them myself.

Don't think anyone has ever 'sneered' at anyone who doesn't put in though. Does that really happen in real life? No of course it doesn't

80sMum · 10/12/2017 13:43

Thehairbod "Anyone would think that parents were giving gifts of £100+eachthe way some people on this thread are going on"

Believe it or not, that does happen sometimes!

blackheartsgirl · 10/12/2017 14:33

True Edith

Thehairthebod · 10/12/2017 16:13

Believe it or not, that does happen sometimes!

Really?! Where do I apply?

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